AITA For making my son pay for a new pizza when he didn’t save any for the rest of the family?
Family meals are meant to bring everyone together, but sometimes even something as simple as a pizza can become a flashpoint for deeper issues. In this story, a 45-year-old mother recounts how her 14-year-old son—who has high-functioning ASD—has repeatedly neglected to save enough food for the rest of the family.
Despite numerous reminders and half-hearted apologies over the years, the issue persisted. At a recent family dinner, after ordering a pizza with the clear instruction to save some for his father and sister, the pizza was entirely consumed by him. When his 17-year-old sister returned home and saw an empty box, she was understandably upset.
In response, the mother deducted the cost of a new pizza (plus a generous tip) from his bank account. Now, the son is furious, and while his sister supports the decision, he argues that since he doesn’t work and his income is limited to birthday and Christmas money, he shouldn’t bear the brunt of the punishment. The mother is left wondering if she’s being too harsh or if her action was completely justified.
‘ AITA For making my son pay for a new pizza when he didn’t save any for the rest of the family?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When a family member repeatedly ignores communal responsibilities, it is crucial for parents to set consistent and tangible consequences. This is especially true for children on the autism spectrum, for whom clear rules and consequences can be an important part of learning accountability.”
Similarly, relationship expert Dr. John Gottman states, “While using financial consequences can be a harsh method of discipline, it sometimes becomes necessary when repeated behaviors affect the well-being of other family members. In this case, the mother’s decision reflects her attempt to balance fairness with teaching responsibility—ensuring that everyone contributes appropriately to shared resources.”
Both experts suggest that although the punishment may feel severe, it is intended to reinforce the idea that family is a shared responsibility and that each person must consider the needs of others when consuming communal resources.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Several redditors expressed strong support for the mother’s decision. One user commented, “After years of reminders and little change, you’re not being petty by making him face the consequences. Sometimes, tough love is necessary to teach responsibility.”
Another group shared similar experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve had a family member who never learned to share properly, and a financial consequence was the wake-up call they needed. You’re standing up for the rest of the family’s needs, and that’s fair.”
Ultimately, your decision to deduct the cost of a new pizza from your son’s bank account isn’t about being mean—it’s about enforcing a lesson in shared responsibility. While your son may argue that his limited income should exempt him from such consequences, the fact remains that repeated behavior that neglects the needs of the entire family demands a response. Your action is a bitter but clear statement: communal resources must be respected, and accountability is key.
What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Have you ever had to implement a tough consequence to teach a family member about sharing? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the challenging balance between discipline and compassion in family life.
I think it is 100% percent right that the funds for a new supper for the others came from him…. However I feel he would have been the one to pay…. not mom taking it from his account. The act of actually handing over the money/debit card and seeing the results hit home way faster for my ASD son. Best of luck!
Our son is also on the spectrum so we’ve been through it too. We’ve found that you have to be absolutely clear in any instructions so that there is no room for doubt. So I’d have said something like “Please leave 3 slices for your dad and sister”.
You are a bit of a AH, your son is known for this yet you leave him with the pizza, in temptations way, not good when you say he has issues with compassion for others and the food ordering and him eating it has been going on for years. Is it a compulsion to eat the food? How can he be responsible enough not to touch the food if this is possibly a part of who he is? You say he’s getting therapy so it’s obviously not as easy as just telling him not to eat it all.
I am autistic myself, and this is not typical behavior. It is true that what’s happening to an autistic’s mind is more important than what’s going on around them, but simply eating it all is a big mistake. I eat a great deal of food in one go, and so we all just learned to get me my own food and everyone else gets theirs. But since I am not a child, I usually pay for it. The idea that his sister should pay for new food so she could actually eat in her exhausted state is entirely unreasonable. This is a penalty, and even autistics are subject to penalties.
He needs to learn a disability is not absolute protection from consequences. Teaching him that is part of the job as a parent.