AITA for making my kid cousin cry because I wouldn’t let her hug me?

A Redditor (18F) shares her experience living with her aunt and two young cousins. After moving in to finish school, she finds herself overwhelmed by her clingy 7-year-old cousin, who greets her with intense, tackle-like hugs every time she comes home. The user has ADHD and struggles with sensory overload, especially after long days at school or work.

While she’s asked for personal space, her cousin took it badly, bursting into tears and accusing her of hating her. Now, the cousin insists that the user doesn’t have the right to refuse hugs, leaving the user wondering if she’s in the wrong. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for making my kid cousin cry because I wouldn’t let her hug me?’

I (18F) live with my aunt because the rest of my family is abroad, and I stayed behind to finish school. Living with her was my only option. My aunt has two kids, 7F and 3M. I grew up in a pretty big household with five other siblings, so I’m used to noise and chaos. But as the oldest, I still got some alone time.

Before we moved, we lived in a small 3-bedroom apartment with 7 people, so I’m no stranger to cramped spaces either. Now, my aunt’s kids are… a lot. They’re loud and, frankly, spoiled. The older one, my 7-year-old cousin, is especially c**ngy and hyper. Every time I come home from school or work, she sprints at me like I’m a human jungle gym and starts hugging me.

But not in a cute, ‘aww’ way—more like a WWE move where she squeezes too hard and likes to bash her head into my hips or stomach. It’s exhausting, especially when I’m already tired. I have ADHD, so I can get easily o**rwhelmed by too much noise, touch, or just feeling overstimulated in general.

When I come home, I need some personal space to unwind, and I’ve explained this to my aunt. But my cousin doesn’t seem to get it, and the constant hugging is starting to push me past my limit. Recently, I told my aunt about how I sometimes sit on the stairs after work just to mentally prepare myself before having to deal with my cousin’s… affection.

My aunt took it well, but of course, my cousin overheard and lost it. She started screaming and crying, saying I hate her, and my aunt had to tell her, “Yes, she doesn’t want you hugging her.

Leave her alone.” Now my cousin’s yelling at me about how I “don’t have the right” to tell her not to hug me, and that I “can’t tell her what to do”—even though literally all I’m asking for is some space when I come home. So, AITA for wanting some personal space and asking my cousin not to tackle-hug me every time I walk through the door?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

SartorialDragon −  NTA. Kids at *any* age can understand consent (the longer they learn about it, the better they get at it). They just need adults who model this by stating their own boundaries and respecting the kid’s boundaries as well.

“You can’t tell me what to do”? Turn that right around at her: She can’t tell YOU what to do with YOUR body. If you say “My body will not be touched unless i say Yes”, then that’s your call. Her freedom of what to do ends at where it infringes ol your freedom, your body and wellbeing.

This is not about “i don’t love you”, it’s probably not even about “never hug me again!!!”, it needs some nuances. She can first of all learn that everybody deserves respect & bodily autonomy, and THEN she can learn a way of greeting & body contact that you are both comfortable with.

Touch is meant to feel good for both sides. Insisting to touch someone in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable is NOT love. Even young kids can learn to be gentle. There’s a time to be rough-and-tumble and there’s a time to use gentle hands or none at all. I hope y’all can turn this into a learning experience everyone benefits from! <3

Tough_Crazy_8362 −  NTA but this kid needs a serious discussion about respecting personal boundaries and unwanted touch. And that these things will benefit her too as she grows up. Don’t want to hug uncle Jimbo cause he smells like cigarettes? Great! You don’t have to!

violetdivine_ −  Lol. Made me laugh when I got to the part where your cousin said you have no right to tell not to hug you. You have the right to tell Jesus Christ himself, not to hug you. At 7 years of age, she should know that you mean it, and should stop. But her mom did not help matters with her response. She should have gently and calmly explained to her why you don’t want the hug. Maybe you can do this yourself, tell her you have a condition that makes you unwell when you are hugged or stressed. NTA

Having-hope3594 −  NTA. For your cousin to say you “don’t have a right” to not want to be hugged is so wrong.  She needs to learn to respect other peoples personal space. 

hadMcDofordinner −  No one has taught your cousin about personal space and when it is and isn’t appropriate to do as she pleases. NTA She’ll survive any drama over this. It’s good that someone is finally forcing her to stop imposing herself on others.

lectricpharaoh −  This reminds me of the old Calvin and Hobbes comics, where Hobbes would lie in wait for Calvin to come home from school, and then pounce. NTA, though you might want to explain to your cousin in simple words *why* her actions bother you, and that it’s her behavior, not her, that you have a problem with.

Sacha_Rae24 −  NTA. You do have the right to your personal space, but your cousin probably is just super excited to see you. You and your aunt will need to explain this to her when she’s calmed down and then reinforce it a lot

SlothLordMcMarekat −  NTA. And it’s never to early for a child to understand they don’t have the right to anyone else’s body (and vice versa). Sounds like your aunt is on your side though?

Lucky_Six_1530 −  Nope NTA at all. No one has the right to touch you, child or not, when you don’t want them to. Time for your cousin to learn about consent and that not everyone likes to be touched-a lesson they should have learned much earlier. 

wlfwrtr −  NTA Sounds like it’s not that she hugs you but how she hugs you. If that’s the case tell her, “Until you learn to give nice gentle hugs then I don’t want them anymore.” It will be her choice whether ti hug nicely or not at all and you won’t be telling her what to do just how to do it. It’s her choice if she wants hugs or not. If you need quiet time before coming home, stop at library for a while. It will give you time to reload before coming home to chaos and you might get some homework done.

Was the user justified in setting boundaries for her personal space, especially when dealing with overstimulation, or should she have been more patient with her cousin’s affection? How do you balance setting boundaries while maintaining family relationships? Share your thoughts!