AITA for making my daughter take a break from going to her best friend’s house because the mom purposely bought her a smaller size dress?

A mother is upset after her 14-year-old daughter, Bonnie, comes home from a shopping trip with her best friend Gigi and Gigi’s mother, Lauren, who bought Bonnie a size 3 dress instead of the correct size. Lauren claims it’s an “aspirational” dress to motivate Bonnie to lose weight and gain attention from boys.

Bonnie is healthy and has an athletic build, but feels pressured. The mother confronts Lauren about her inappropriate comments, leading to an argument where Lauren accuses her of hindering Bonnie’s social life. The mother decides to limit Bonnie’s visits to Gigi’s house, sparking outrage from Lauren and others in the community. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for making my daughter take a break from going to her best friend’s house because the mom purposely bought her a smaller size dress?’

About two weeks ago my 14 year old daughter Bonnie was out shopping with her best friend Gigi and Gigi’s mom Lauren. While they were out, Lauren bought them both dresses she thought were cute. Except she bought Bonnie a size 3.

Bonnie said she picked out one that was her size, but Lauren put it back and said that the size 3 one would be her “aspirational” dress to work towards fitting into. When she came home, she gave it to me and was upset but also didn’t want to say anything bad about Gigi’s mom, which I get.

First off, Bonnie is a HEALTHY girl. Gymnastics until she was about 11 (and grew several inches), dance in the fall and track in the spring, all her choices. So she’s got an athletic build. Gigi is a small girl, barely 5 feet, and so I thought at first she got them mixed up.

She told me that Gigi’s mom got it for her to aspire to try to get into by “working hard.” I said I’d take care of it and get her the right size. The next day, I called Gigi’s mom Lauren and asked her why she would do that.

She explained that she thought it would give Bonnie something to work towards, because she heard Bonnie saying she didn’t get asked out last year but Gigi had several boys after her and that it seemed like it upset her.

I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys? She got defensive and said that it was obviously embarrassing for Bonnie to not have boys into her when all her friends do.

She basically said I’m holding Bonnie back from growing up—like I won’t help her with boys, won’t drop hundreds at Sephora, still dress her like a kid, and buy B&BW sprays instead of fancy perfumes. She said it’s messing with Bonnie socially and that she’s the only one in her friend group who hasn’t had a boyfriend.

Then she got personal and said just because I’ve “given up” and stopped trying doesn’t mean I have to turn Bonnie into a nun. FOR THE RECORD, this is partially true. But it’s also because Bonnie doesn’t WANT that stuff. I have offered to get her more than Cetaphil skincare and she doesn’t want it.

She got straight As last year and I took her to Ulta for a “spree” and sall she wanted was some lip gloss and then ASKED for the body spray instead. I said that it’s time for a break. The girls can still hang out, but I don’t want Bonnie at Gigi’s house. Bonnie got upset over it and I can deal with that.

Gigi’s mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being “p**cho” and doubling down on how it’s all because I don’t want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I’m single and “no man would touch me.”

Which is just… childish. And I’ve been shocked to see how other people have reacted to this, so now I’m questioning my own parenting which I NEVER do. AITA!?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Apart-Ad-6518 −  **NTA** I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight in order to get attention from boys? Exactly that. Egregious behavior. She shouldn’t be saying *anything* about your daughter’s weight or appearance.

Gigi’s mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being “p**cho” and doubling down on how it’s all because I don’t want my daughter to be happy with a boyfriend when I’m single and “no man would touch me.”

Please *do not* allow someone as t**ic & vicious as this to cause you to doubt your parenting or yourself. It’s reasonable to let the girls hang out and equally so not to have your daughter go to this woman’s house. No way should that happen.

CuriousEmphasis7698 −  NTA. Gigi’s mom is t**ic. This is not someone you want your daughter exposed to or associating with. She’s 14, she is still a kid. It is not ‘messing with her socially’ to treat her in an age-appropriate way.

Gigi’s Mom’s implication that your daughter needs to lose weight is also beyond unacceptable. Her own kid is probably on her way to an eating disorder, you don’t want your daughter in that boat.

lilolememe −  Lauren is a gossip and a b**ly. You can’t control what other people think about you or say about you. It’s a life lesson to teach your daughter. Hold your head high.

If anyone tries to talk about it to you, simply explain you’re choosing not to allow any woman to fat shame your daughter by buying her clothes that are too small for her and telling her she needs to lose weight to please boys. You find the behavior a**orrent, and you are protecting your daughter from that kind of toxicity.

You’re doing a great job. Your daughter may not appreciate it now, but she will as she gets older. Why on earth any woman is pushing for 13-14 year old girls to have boyfriends is beyond me. What the crap?

Easton_HJE −  NTA, but Gigi’s mom is. She should NEVER comment on a young girls body like that. First off, it’s none of her business’s. Your daughter is 14, she doesn’t need to be worried about boys right now. She’s a KID. There’s no rush for her to grow up. You did the right thing by keeping her away from Gigi’s mom.

Malibu_Cola −  NTA. That was wildly inappropriate to get the wrong sized dress and basically implying there was something wrong with Bonnie’s body size. Poor Gigi. If Bonnie only had to deal with this one day, I can only imagine what Gigi has to go through! I hope Bonnie is doing ok!

Lucky-Effective-1564 −  NTA. This woman is pushing **your** 14-year old to have an ED and to get involved with boys. It’s both inappropriate and none of this woman’s business. Does Bonnie even want a boyfriend yet?

amyb10045 −  If another mom did this to my daughter it would be WW3. Not every girl wants hundreds of dollars of skincare from Sephora, wants a boyfriend and should aspire to be a size 3. My daughter is the complete opposite of girly skincare and she actually doen’t date boys….if you get what i’m saying.

If your daughter wants to continue seeing this friend it should be at your house only. And if the mom keeps being t**ic then you might have to cut it off altogether, which sucks for the girls.

Altruistic_You737 −  I had to double check the age of your child for a minute- what kind of weird mean girl/aspiring pimp mum is trying to help her 14 year old daughter get a boyfriend!?

I read that girls in sports tend to have more self confidence, lose their virginity at a later age and engage with their peers (both sexes) better than most kids. Clearly your daughter is crushing it.  . Keep being a great parent 

CapoExplains −  NTA good f**king lord it is absolutely *wild* to me that an adult woman would teach a 14 year old girl that she has to sculpt her body for male attention. Absolutely apeshit, it’s the 2020s not the 1920s.

STEM_Educator −  **NTA** That woman can give your daughter a life-long complex about her body and its shape. When my 41-year-old daughter was 8, her best friend’s mother told her that “no boy wants to be with a girl who looks like you. You should lose some weight and wear fancier clothes.”

Her best friend was super-skinny, and my daughter wasn’t. We were living on a single income, and money was tight. My kids never wore designer or expensive clothing.
So, my daughter started dieting – in secret. She discovered bulimia, all by herself, and would throw up at night so I wouldn’t hear it.

Even now, she’s always super-worried about her body shape and size, and still struggles with bulimia. Her friend also wore make-up (her mother taught her how to put it on) at EIGHT, and my daughter was furious with me when I told her that she could wear lip gloss, but that was it.

One friend. One adult who saw her regularly. ONE comment at age 8, and a life-long issue with her body. Don’t downplay this, Mom. Talk to her about society’s pressure to conform, and encourage her to do what makes HER happy, not some future boyfriend.

Is the mother justified in setting boundaries to protect her daughter from negative influences, or is she overreacting and hindering Bonnie’s social growth? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!