AITA for making my cousins pay for sentimental family heirloom?

A Reddit user finds themselves in a moral dilemma while handling their late mother’s belongings. They offered their cousins a sentimental credenza crafted by their late aunt but asked for $3,000 and shipping costs, causing family tension. The user wonders if their decision was influenced by unresolved family history. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for making my cousins pay for sentimental family heirloom? ‘

My mother passed last year, and I am finally letting go of the house and much of its contents. My mom has a brother and a sister. The sister, my aunt, died unexpectedly and tragically in her mid 20s. It was very hard on the family. Before her d**th, my aunt hand crafted a large credenza for my mom.

I don’t have room for it at my place but it holds a lot of sentimental value so I figured I would ask my cousins if they would like it (my uncles kids). I liked the idea that it be kept in the family. I know my mom would have as well. My cousins very much wanted the credenza.

They live across the country so I asked that they pay for shipping and pay $3,000 for it. A credenza like this can go for 5 grand easy. They were livid. They said they would pay for shipping but objected to buying a family heirloom, particularly one with such sentimental value.

I feel like payment is appropriate, as I would be selling it elsewhere if they didn’t want it. I don’t know a ton about their finances, but my understanding is that $3,000 is fine for them. I’d be open to adjustment if they told me otherwise.

Some context: my mom and their father (my uncle) didn’t speak for almost 30 years before she passed. The inheritance from my grandparents was an ongoing point of contention between them. Without getting into it, I’m confident that he took advantage of my mom and bullied her throughout that period.

She got steamrolled and it was a real source of suffering for her up until her d**th. She was very generous and the feeling of being used really got to her. (ex: my uncle wanted to keep the house, she wanted to sell. She gave him an interest free loan to buy her half of the house so he could keep it. he sold it 2 years later for a profit with no explanation).

As a result, I haven’t spoken to my cousins beyond occasional pleasantries online in years. I have no ill-will towards them and I wish them the best. (My uncle can s**k it, but the cousins are fine). I’m bringing this up because I’m conscious that all that history might keep me from seeing the situation clearly. It’s still touchy for me.

My mom had trouble standing up for herself and that made it much worse for everyone, and I worry I might be leaning too far the other way to compensate. I do not need the $3,000. I’d be fine without it.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Striking-Estate-4800 −  YTA if you asked if they wanted it, but didn’t make it clear this was an offer to purchase it. Asking for them to pay shipping is reasonable even if you gift it. Otherwise rent a storage unit or sell it outright.

Historical_Fish_3372 −  YTA. What do you actually want here? Do you really want 3k? Do you want an acknowledgment that uncle was wrong and bad? What are you really looking for? It’s not a credenza. If this were my family, I would pay the shipping for my cousins. You don’t want it. You don’t have room for it. You want it in the family. Why are you being weird?

Cocoasneeze −  YTA Your aunt MADE that credenza to your mom. You can’t keep it, so you want make money getting rid of it. At least be honest about of that. You’re using the very emotional connection your cousins have for their mother’s handcrafted credenza to get them to pay for it.

And you never paid nothing for it yourself. In this situation, you’re behaving like your uncle. You’re offering a highly emotionally item that you had inherited, for your cousins to buy from you. Greedy behaviour from you. Asking for shipping costs is appropriate, anything more than that would be just wrong 

aequorea-victoria −  YTA. It sucks to charge a family member for a family heirloom, especially if you can get by without the money. It also sounds like there was some unclear communication. I would be shocked and angry if a relative offered me a family heirloom, then said I would have to pay for it.

If a relative said that they were selling furniture and offered me first chance to buy it, that would hit different. I wouldn’t be happy about paying money for it, but at least the expectations would be clear.

FaelingJester −  YTA. You can of course ask for the money to send it but you can’t keep it and you properly want it in the family. If you sold it without offering it that would of course be worse.

83poolie −  YTA. Asking them to cover shipping is reasonable. Selling them the actual item is pretty low. You say you understand it has a lot of sentimental value but if they don’t buy it you’ll just sell it as you don’t have space for it. Clearly it has no sentimental value to you then.

Honestly, it’s in your possession because it was gifted to you. So it’s up to you what you do with it. If you need the cash then sell it. If you do go down that path then be prepared to own the hate your family will send your way for selling a family heirloom. Is your relationship with family members worth the money you’ll get short term?

Atropos23 −  YTA. Paying shipping is reasonable. Rug pulling them to pressure them to buy it after you offered it to them is s**tty. Reasonable people don’t offer family heirlooms and then only after the offer is accepted demand payment.

magayla2424 −  YTA, you sound greedy. You should have just sold it without telling anyone if you just want the money. You need to get rid of it and you don’t want to keep it, so you should pass it down to them if they will cherish it, not try to get a profit out of a family heirloom. I don’t know a single person that has 3,000 dollars sitting around to buy a credenza.

kelgate_queen −  My instinct is YTA but it hinges on the way it’s been described, “ask my cousins if they would like it” suggests you offered it for free, (or at least without mentioning remuneration) plus your mentioning of sentiment and keeping it in the family suggests your priorities laid in the legacy not monetary.

I’m not surprised they’re annoyed at you later asking for money. Even if it’s under market value it’s still a fair chunk of money.
If what you actually did was offer first right of refusal before selling elsewhere – then it would be fine to expect payment.

Available-Bison-9222 −  Yta. You want to keep it in the family bur they have to pay for the heirloom. It doesn’t matter how much you could sell it for, it’s an heirloom, you don’t sell it to family, you pass it in.. You sound like a money grabber.

Is the user justified in asking for payment for the sentimental family heirloom, or does this come across as placing monetary value over familial bonds? How would you balance family legacy with fairness? Share your perspective below!