AITA for “making” my boyfriend eat fast food for a week?

A Reddit user shares a frustrating story about her boyfriend, who grew up in a household that upheld outdated gender roles, leaving him clueless about cooking. Despite her efforts to teach him basic cooking skills, he continues to struggle. Before leaving for a weeklong work trip, she prepped him with easy instructions and bought simple ingredients.

However, upon her return, she was met with anger, as her boyfriend resorted to fast food and claimed she “left him to starve.” Did she go too far by not buying his usual frozen meals, or is it time her boyfriend took some responsibility? Read on for the details!

‘ AITA for “making” my boyfriend eat fast food for a week?’

My boyfriend grew up in a house that valued outdated gender norms. The women were always responsible for cooking and cleaning, so he didn’t learn how to do any of that for most of his life. That is, until he moved in with me after college.

He’s been good about a few things. He doesn’t mind helping with dishes or handling the laundry, but the one thing I can’t seem to get him to do is learn how to cook. The only thing he can do is microwave frozen meals. I’ve been trying to teach him the basics, but it seems like it goes through one ear and just comes out the other.

He still can’t turn on the oven or use the stove without help. The toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims. Doesn’t know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups. I just don’t understand why he can’t grasp this but is fine with other things.

Here’s the part where I may be an a**hole. I went on a trip two weeks ago for work. I’m in charge of buying groceries (we have separate accounts) and I realized how expensive his frozen meals actually are. Three to four dollars for each. I said s**ew it and bought the easiest ingredients I could find for a lot cheaper for him to cook on his own.

He doesn’t like leftovers, so me cooking ahead for him was out. Before I left, I sat him down once again and gave him a very long lesson on using the oven, toaster, and stove, as well as how to boil/scramble eggs, toast a piece of toast, boil rice/noodles, and heat up pasta sauce.

I also taught him how to pan fry things like onions and other veggies, and how to tell when they were ready. In case he didn’t want to cook both lunch and dinner, I also bought things to make salads and fixings for sandwiches.

I come back a week later, and he is angry! He claims I practically left him to starve, and how I know he has trouble cooking. I retaliate, saying I showed him what to do, and I get a whole range of excuses. “Setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated” “He cut his finger chopping onions and couldn’t chop any until his cut healed” “He only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced”

Apparently he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week. He thinks I’m a major a**hole for not telling him I’m not buying his frozen meals, and leaving him alone to fend for himself.

On one hand, I do think it was s**tty of me not to tell him I didn’t buy his meals, and as someone who grew up in a home pretty much only boiled hotdogs and veggies, and only properly learned how to cook after moving, out I do feel for him, but at the same time, after a few months of not getting the simplest concepts, I’m left feeling partially justified in my actions. So Reddit, AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

sharp-Yarn −  INFO why you with some guy who can’t manage to use a toaster?

Elle_Vetica −  NTA. This is the literal definition of [weaponized incompetence](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/weaponized-incompetence-women_l_61e71983e4b0d8b665717814). Why are you f**king someone you have to parent?

MarxandMills −  NTA. You should search “weaponized incompetence.” He is not unable to complete these tasks, he is hoping you’ll get tired of asking him to improve himself and become a ’50s housewife for him.

It was not s**tty of you not to buy frozen meals for him. Is he also incapable of shopping? He managed to leave the house to buy fast food. Or did he have that delivered?. ​ This man is not mature enough for a relationship. He wants you to be his mother.

Nearby-Possession204 −  NTA – weaponised incompetence is a real thing. Can’t use a toaster? Can’t boil an egg or noodles? Get a life mate. He needs to grow up and stop being such a child. If he wants frozen meals, let him buy them out of his own money.

Edit to add – this is your future. What is he going to be like if you two decide to have kids. I’ll bet changing a nappy is just going to be way too hard, or prepping a bottle (if that’s how you choose to feed). You both need to sit down and have an adult conversation because this is ridiculous.

yellowbunnythrowaway −  info: how can he work the microwave but can’t put bread in a toaster ?? this goes beyond outdated gender norms, OP. NTA. you could’ve told him you didn’t get his TV dinners but you sure as hell didn’t leave him to fend for himself. HE did that to himself. and if he wants a TV dinner that bad, can he not perhaps take himself to the store ??

FitOrFat-1999 −  You may be in charge of buying groceries, but when he realized he didnt have any frozen meals, why didn’t he go buy some? Or anything else his little heart desires? Your BF doesn’t WANT to learn how to prepare the simplest food – not a meal, just food – for himself. Why, I don’t know or care.

But I don’t think you can teach anyone about cooking who thinks a toaster is “too complicated.” NTA. I suggest accepting him as he is or move out and let him fend for himself.. Edit: BTW, is his thinking always this rigid? Does he never have a Plan B that he can execute if things arent as he expects?

[Reddit User] −  INFO: could you please provide a link to the toaster you own? I’m really trying to wrap my head around how someone can’t understand a toaster.

Serendipity1007 −  NTA : women are not rehabilitation centers for men. Women are not replacement parents. While as partners we can all teach one another things, which you have, you are not responsible for someone who refuses to learn and become a better partner to you. Do you want to be with a child? I don’t think you signed up to be a second mom to your boyfriend. Weaponized incompetence is abuse.

Valkyrie131313 −  Info: why can he not buy his own food?

CrystalQueen3000 −  NTA. He absolutely can do those things and is choosing not to. It’s called weaponised incompetence. If he acts incapable then he can make you feel guilty for not looking after him.. Toxic manipulation at its finest.

Should the Redditor have left her boyfriend more prepared, or is it fair to expect a grown adult to manage basic cooking for a week? Is it ever too late to learn these essential life skills? Share your thoughts and any similar experiences in the comments!