AITA for “making fun” of a woman for being in her 40s and single?

‘ AITA for “making fun” of a woman for being in her 40s and single?’

This whole saga started because my husband took my last name. A couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it, and his coworkers found out. About half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended. Brenda is in the offended half, and has made that clear.

He and I are in a group chat with his coworkers where we organize carpooling during the pandemic. It is very helpful to us, so we can’t leave the chat. Since he changed his name, my husband and I have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chat, which we have been mostly ignoring.

Yesterday Brenda, his coworker and I got into a bit of a spat. I messaged the group asking if someone could take my husband home since I wouldn’t be back from work until late and needed the car. One of his other coworkers agreed, and I thought that was that.

Brenda messages the group saying “maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife, your husband wouldn’t come into work with dirty shirts” I took this as a bad joke initially. My husband is a rural mail carrier, so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads. I do wash them, but there’s only so much to be done.

Me: I could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn’t do much lol.
Brenda: you won’t be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship. I’d be embarrassed as a wife if I did so little for my husband.

Me: well I work more hours and pay the bills, so I think he can oxyclean his own shirts if it’s so important.
Brenda: maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you’ll find yourself divorced.
Me: I’ll let you know when I need relationship advice from someone who is 42 and single.

Now apparently Brenda is going around and saying that I “mocked her for being single in her 40s”. I don’t care if someone is single in their 40s, but I think it’s absolute b**lshit that she can call me a bad wife but I can’t point out she has no frame of reference.. AITA reddit?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

decadecency −  NTA. What the heck, Brenda? Mind your own single business.

societys_pinata −  Obvious NTA, Brenda was the aggressor (and super condescending, and pretty sexist imo ) and you hit her back with a zinger. Now salty Brenda wants to play the victim. PS am I the only one who thinks it’s odd that you had to ask the husbands work group for a ride home for him and him not just asking himself?. edit: a word.

International-Aside −  NTA. At all. She came out of left field and started insulting you for no reason. On top of that, she interjected herself into your marriage. Your retort was logical – what business does she have giving ppl unsolicited marriage advice when she’s not in a successful marriage herself?

For the future, dont engage. Simply say something like “Your remarks are inappropriate. I will not lower myself and respond to such comments. Do not speak to me unless you have something relevant to carpooling to say”

VinnyVincinny −  NTA. I don’t agree that you were mocking her for being single in her 40s. She was giving unsolicited advise on a subject for which she is unqualified to speak on even if you were looking for advise. Same as if you had tooth pain and your mechanic tried to tell you want to do about it.

Or if you were having problems in the bedroom and a priest tried to advise you. You’d point out your wish to forgo their advise for their lack of qualification and it wouldn’t necessarily be mocking them.

[Reddit User] −  Brenda is rude and sexist. You are NTA, but I’m wondering about the group dynamic and how professional these people are with each other. Nice come back from you haha!

nopcme −  As a 55+ yr old, never married, female NTA! Her comments would have offense and inappropriate in the 1950’s. Seems pretty much on course for 2020. Pandemic, K**ler Hornets, Hurricane in IOWA, mad tornado in Florida, returning to the societal roles of the 1820’s; seems on course for the year. Doesn’t mean we have to allow or accept it. NTA!

MyRockySpine −  NTA. I love how you responded. I can’t for the life of me understand how any of his coworkers are offended over this, much less to the point they are attacking you.

YOLO_Tamasi −  NTA – but be flattered, Brenda clearly has a crush on your husband (also, his coworkers sound like they s**k)

azh88 −  NTA that was the perfect response. She was SUPER rude like I can’t believe you even put up with that. You need to go to her boss or HR cause she needs to learn to mind her own business.

JoefromOhio −  ESH, Brenda sucks and brought it on herself but why in gods name are you having a catty back and forth with another adult in a public/work group chat.