AITA for making a scene of my adult son and sticking my nose in his marriage?
A Reddit user shares a story of intervening in their son’s marriage when they discovered that their daughter-in-law was struggling mentally and emotionally due to her husband’s behavior.
The son had convinced his wife to stay home and care for their three young children, while he spent time with friends and neglected his share of household responsibilities.
The Redditor took it upon themselves to confront their son at a bar, causing a scene by publicly criticizing his actions. This led to a fallout, with the son accusing the Redditor of humiliating him and interfering in his marriage. Read the full story below to dive into the details of this family conflict.
‘ AITA for making a scene of my adult son and sticking my nose in his marriage?’
Here’s the important background My daughter in law (32) and son(33) have 3 children aged 3 years 2 years and 4 months. He convinced her to be a stay at home mom and sell her business by telling her how good of a childhood he had.
And how happy my marriage was without telling her (which I today found out) that our arrangement was everything everything before 9am and After 5pm was split 50/50, Sunday was my day off and I was brought out twice a week.
On to the story- on my last visit I noticed my daughter in law was struggling mentally so I,my sister(55f) and her girlfriend (53) pulled our money together and paid for a spa weekend for them while we’d babysit the kids for her birthday last weekend.
I was preparing on Thursday evening for the kids to arrive when my dil rang me holding back tears saying they’d won’t be going because my sons friend came to town and he said he wanted to spend the weekend with his friends catching up.
I pressed her a little and I’m talking a little about her situation, she came clean about him doing no chores, no date nights and her basically doing all of the child care because “that’s what stay at home moms do” I was honestly disgusted.
I convinced her to drop me off the kids and bring a friend to the spa I even dipped into my savings to give her €500 to buy herself something nice. When she dropped me off the kids I begged her to tell me were son was after 5 minutes she told me the bar.
She left for the spa while I left for the bar (she knew I was going there and knew my sister/my sister in law were taking care of the kids)
Here’s were I might be the a**hole I when to the bar were he and his friends were.
I sat down next to the Group and asked my son “did i fail you as a mother or was it your father because we both thought your partner comes before your silly drunk friends” the post is getting long enough but long story short I humiliated him and got myself banned from a bar.
My dil said she will taking the kids to her parents when she gets back tomorrow and my son is calling me an a**hole for humiliating him/ sticking my nose in his marriage. Maybe I should have stayed out i don’t know.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
bamf1701 − NTA. It sounds like your misogynistic son needed some humiliation and to have someone stick their nose into his marriage. It’s not like you are a stranger – you are his mother. Also, this is not a minor thing, this is your son treating his wife like a servant, not a spouse.
LexiDestined − Nta. Your son sounds like an a**hole. He convinced her to become a stay at home mom so he could avoid being a dad?
Vulpix-Rawr − NTA. Good on you for sticking up for your DIL. Your son needs a serious reality check. 3 babies and all the chores?? He’s nuts!!
LadyPundit − No you’re NTA, but you’re spot on in your assessment of your narcissistic, chauvinistic son. Let him have his tantrum. He’s treated his wife badly, and he has no remorse. Someone needed to stand up for your DIL and grandkids. Kudos to you. Your poor DIL. Thank goodness she has you.
Blippii − NTA. Your son had the audacity to cancel a spa trip YOU paid for so he could go get drunk with his friends. How dare he.
Any good mum tells their kids off when disrespecting their partner, especially when they are a lazy do-nothing.
You DIL is doing everything for that family, and she definitely didn’t deserve the humiliation of her husband dictating she can’t go out because he wants to.
[Reddit User] − Normally, I think a MIL interfering with a marriage is a AH move. However, this is a different dynamic. You were standing up for your DIL. Now, you may be the AH for whatever got you banned from the bar but not for standing up for your DIL
poeadam − I mean, I guess we need to know exactly what was said but I’m pretty sure NTA.
DigDugDogDun − NTA! I don’t know if this is real or not but I absolutely love it. Son definitely deserved to be embarrassed and called out for treating his wife so poorly. He probably picked this behavior up from his friends.
Good for you for standing up for your DIL. Also I love your arrangement with your husband about date nights and split responsibilities, I might have to borrow this for myself
DaTwatWaffle − NTA And, as a former DIL, I want to say thank you for this. My MIL was horrible (her son was an a**oholic and abused me emotionally, s**ually and physically, and when I called her begging for help.
She told me that as his wife he was my responsibility). There are so many stories out there of toxic MIL sometimes I imagine there aren’t any good ones out there. But rn, you’re a good one.
HowardProject − NTA – you’ve mentioned that she’s moving in with her parents for a while to think about this, so do check in on her and continue to be supportive. Let her know that you are here for her and that you will be supportive of whatever decision she makes.. You did the right thing.
Do you think the Redditor’s approach of confronting her son in public was justified, or was it too invasive? How would you handle a situation where a family member is neglecting their responsibilities in a marriage? Share your thoughts below!
