AITA for “lying” to my fiance about how my first divorce really went down?

A 34-year-old woman is grappling with her fiancé’s reaction after he discovers details about her first marriage and divorce, which she had downplayed. She was married to her ex-husband from ages 21 to 26, during which she felt trapped in a dead-end life.

After an emotional struggle, she left without informing him and later settled the divorce amicably. When her fiancé learns the true nature of the split, including accusations of abandonment, he questions her honesty and puts their wedding on hold, leaving her feeling heartbroken and betrayed.

AITA for “lying” to my fiance about how my first divorce really went down?

I (34F) have been with my fiance (40M) for 6 years now. He proposed a year ago and we were looking at a small October wedding.Before I was with my fiance, from 21 to 26 I was married to my ex husband (34M.) Those were some of the happiest and worst years of my life.

My ex was the most attractive guy I had ever met, and even now he looks like a 24 year old instead of an almost 35 year old.However, we were stuck in dead end jobs because we were both high school dropouts living in Alabama. We were creatives who wanted to save money to move to New York or LA, but never had any money.

We both worked in service positions but I felt that most of the people who walked in the doors were just idiots. I grew to hate serving them and this reflected in the tips and performance reviews I got.Meanwhile my ex would get mad at me not showing up to work and saying the people I served deserved basic respect from me.

I ended up quitting my job and my ex made me take the job at the hotel where he worked. And I got more depressed because I felt life was passing me by and my ex expected us to accept our life was just going to be about work. We got into more fights about how he had to convince the manager to not fire me.

Finally I got so depressed that I started talking to a friend of mine who was a nightclub dancer in Atlanta. I took a train there and tried out. I was ashamed to tell my husband that I was doing this behind his back and didn’t want to face his anger over me quitting the job he got me.

So one day I just packed up and left. My ex filed for divorce and listed a**andonment as the cause. We only had $2,000 in assets. To settle the divorce, my ex mailed me a check for $900, assumed our credit card debts and that was that.

He has never contacted me again, so I assumed he was not hurt. I eventually became a hospital receptionist and met my now fiance, who is a radiologist. I told him about being divorced once but said that we grew apart, and then sat down and amicably worked out a divorce.

My fiance replied it was a mature decision that spoke well to my character. I thought that the omission of detail was far from evil- I was not unfaithful or a**usive. However, in the midst of announcing our engagement a friend of my ex resurfaced and he was able to contact my fiance without my knowledge.

From there, my fiance, dug up information about my divorce including the fact I was accused of a**andonment by my ex. He even talked to former friends of mine. He finally confronted me and said that I lied about how I ended things with my ex and called me cold.

He said that this gave him cold feet about who he was marrying and that he wanted to postpone the wedding indefinitely. I am heartbroken. He’s now staying somewhere else and says he needs time to think.

We had an argument where I was angry he invaded my privacy about something that happened a decade ago. I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit. AITA? I hate the fact that Alabama divorces are public record and he’s using that to defend his actions.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Theodora1976 ( Top 1 ) says

“He never contacted me again, so I assumed he was not hurt”
Ma’am, you ghosted a whole marriage??? That is a big red flag for any partner of course it matters you lied about it.
Edit: wow thanks for the awards!

acm_ca ( Top 2 ) says

YTA. You lied to your partner about something very significant. Maybe you didn’t hold that marriage in high regard- but to most people, marriage is not taken lightly.
You don’t have to tell your partner every detail of your past.

But the fact that you told him something completely opposite of what happened and he found out from someone else- makes everything you say now not at all believable. You lost his trust and you have to accept the very real possibility you probably won’t get it back.

LovelyDisaster93 ( Top 3 ) says

This was all on you. You were the one who lied, and everyone knows lies have a way of coming out on their own. YTA

Kirris ( Top 4 ) says

This is a weird post but YTA.
You can say, “oh I’m staying with my husband now! I’ve changed!”
When this husband gives you everything that your old one didn’t. Which is more money and higher station in life.

Street_Math3177 ( Top 5 ) says

You started off your relationship on a lie. You broke his trust completely. So yeah, Yta. This is your karma for how you abandoned your first marriage.

Dachshundmom5 ( Top 6 ) says

I hate the fact that Alabama divorces are public record. Because you are a l**ar and didn’t want to be caught? That’s what says a lot about your character. Not to mention your total disregard for your ex-husband’s feelings. How heartless.

YTA. Why on earth would he stay with someone who learned so little from her mistakes? You could have owned what happened and shown the character he liked. Instead you lied and set yourself up for failure.

aasin ( Top 7 ) says

I’m sorry, but you sound like a gold digger. YTA, lies have short legs. Be honest next time

yesimreadytorumble ( Top 8 ) says

did you really expect him to want to marry you after finding out how you handled your previous marriage and completely lied to him?

IanDOsmond ( Top 9 ) says

INFO: What have you done to become a better person since those days? You sound like you were a piece of work – treating customers badly then getting upset about your ex calling you out about it, getting a job as a dancer (not a problem) and being unable to talk to him (big problem).What have you done to work on yourself?

gts_2022 ( Top 10 ) says

I hope he’s your ex now. He deserves better.