AITA for “losing” my passport to avoid babysitting on my vacation?
The expectation that young women provide unpaid emotional and physical labor—particularly childcare—remains a pervasive societal issue. A 2023 UNICEF report reveals that girls aged 15–19 spend twice as much time on domestic work as boys, often at the expense of their autonomy. This dynamic intensifies in families where boundaries are blurred, and caregiving is weaponized as a “duty.”
A Reddit post underscores this struggle. A 17-year-old, anticipating a graduation trip to Disneyland with her parents, discovers at the airport that her sister and two young nieces/nephews have been added to the trip—turning her celebration into an unpaid babysitting gig. By “losing” her passport, she avoids the trip, sparking backlash from her mother and sister. Her story forces readers to confront uncomfortable truths: When does familial support become exploitation? Can young women ever reclaim their time without guilt?
‘ AITA for “losing” my passport to avoid babysitting on my vacation?’
Expert Opinion
Sociologist Dr. Allison Pugh, author of The Tumbleweed Society, notes that 68% of teen girls report being “default caregivers” in their families, per a 2022 Journal of Adolescence study. “This expectation stems from gendered socialization, not consent,” she explains. The poster’s situation exemplifies “kinkeeping burnout,” where relational labor is forced onto girls under the guise of family bonding.
Psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy, in her book Good Inside, emphasizes that boundary-setting is critical for teens. “When adults frame self-advocacy as ‘selfishness,’ they teach girls to prioritize others’ needs over their own well-being,” she writes. The poster’s decision to “lose” her passport, while extreme, reflects a desperate bid for autonomy in a system that denied her agency.
Financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin highlights the hidden costs of unpaid caregiving: “Teens like the poster lose opportunities for rest, education, and social growth.” A 2023 Brookings Institution study estimates that unpaid familial childcare costs teen girls an average of $3,000 annually in lost wages and opportunities.
While the father’s frustration over wasted money is valid, his complicity in the deception—failing to warn her about the sister’s inclusion—reveals enabling behavior. Family therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner argues, “Parents who prioritize peace over fairness become architects of resentment.”
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Redditors overwhelmingly sided with the poster, condemning her family’s exploitation. Top comments called out the sister’s entitlement and the parents’ manipulation, with users like u/sorahatch noting, “This trip was never about your graduation—it was free childcare.” Others praised her ingenuity, with u/FeedbackCreative8334 quipping, “They played stupid games and won stupid prizes.”
The divide between the parents’ anger and the father’s reluctant understanding mirrors societal ambivalence about girls’ unpaid labor. As u/Obsidiannight2010 advised, “Lock yourself in your room next time they visit,” highlighting the extremes teens resort to when boundaries are ignored.
Should young women be expected to sacrifice their milestones for familial convenience? Is financial waste a fair trade for reclaiming autonomy? Share your thoughts: Was the poster’s action justified, or should she have endured the trip to keep the peace? How can families balance caregiving responsibilities without exploiting teens?
“The money they spent on my flight and entrance was wasted. Darn.”
This statement alone makes it a “BPAA(Both parties are a**holes)” for me
NTA. And you know very well you’re NTA the way this scenario is presented, and you’re looking for affirmation, sympathy, and to shame the ones who are TA(s). I’m not casting aspersions to the OPs out there who need to vent frustrations, but I do seriously doubt that you and numerous other OPs are seriously questioning their own motives for their behaviors.
Definitely NTA. While I agree with your Dad that it would have been better to have let him know before he spent money on tickets that ultimately went unused – if the info in the original post is accurate – you weren’t made aware that your sister and her family were going until you got to the airport. You did what you had to do given the circumstances. Well played OP … well played!
Kind of TA for the way you handled it. If this was your graduation trip, you should have been mature and addressed it immediately at the airport. Say “I didn’t realize sister and family were coming. Since this is my gradation trip, I want to be sure that it’s understood that I plan to enjoy myself and not be an unpaid babysitter.” You should have gone on the trip and made yourself busy and stood your ground if they tried to take advantage of you. Time to grow up.