AITA for letting you know I am divorcing you by sending you a thread on the website that you use to ignore me?

A Reddit user shared her decision to leave her husband after years of neglect, enabling his mother’s abusive behavior, and making her worry about the environment their future child would be raised in.

Despite countless incidents where her husband sided with his mother and ignored her concerns, the user eventually reached her breaking point when she realized he was prioritizing his mother’s needs over their growing family. Read the full story below for the details of her journey.

 

‘ AITA for letting you know I am divorcing you by sending you a thread on the website that you use to ignore me?’

I (29F) have been married to my husband (35M) for five years, and we’ve been together for nearly ten. On paper, everything seemed fine, but in reality, our marriage has been anything but. I’ve reached my breaking point, and I need to know if I’m the one in the wrong here.

From the beginning, my MIL has been a nightmare. She made everything about her from day one. At our wedding, she wore white, claiming it was a “family tradition” (it wasn’t). She constantly criticizes me, from my cooking to my appearance.

I’ll never forget the time she called me fat at a family gathering, right in front of everyone. And what did my husband do? Nothing. Not a single word to defend me. It didn’t stop there. She has “accidentally” destroyed my belongings, including my grandmother’s necklace, which she threw out because it “looked like cheap costume jewelry.”

She’s gone out of her way to make me feel small and unwelcome in my own home. But every time I tried to talk to my husband about it, he’d brush it off, saying I was overreacting or being too emotional.

And then there’s my husband. He’s always on Reddit, constantly giving strangers relationship advice, which is laughable considering how he treats me. He spends more time rating women’s boobs on Reddit than talking to me. Literally.

And just so you know, the last pair he rated weren’t a 4 out of 10—they were a 10 out of 10. Yeah, he’s got plenty of time to do that but can’t be bothered to remember anything about my life.

He’ll forget my birthday, our anniversary, even simple things like what I’m working on or what’s important to me, but he has a perfect memory for his work schedule and things that matter to him.

When we fight, he becomes incredibly hostile and always throws in a sarcastic “buddy” at the end of his sentences, like I’m some acquaintance he can barely tolerate. And he never cleans. The house, the dishes, laundry—you name it, it’s all on me.

It’s like he thinks being an adult is optional, as long as he’s got his job and his Reddit account. The final straw came a few weeks ago. I’m 5 months pregnant with our first child, a daughter. My MIL started making comments about how she’ll have to “whip the girl into shape” and how she’ll raise her to be “tough” because I’m “too soft.”

When I told my husband that I didn’t want his mother to have too much influence on our daughter, especially with the way she treats me, he just laughed it off, saying his mother “means well” and that I was “overthinking it.”

But the moment that truly broke me was when we were talking about future childcare, and my husband suggested that his mother should watch our daughter while we work. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that, especially considering how his mother treats me, and he snapped.

He called me “paranoid” and said I should “get over it” because his mother was going to be a big part of our daughter’s life whether I liked it or not. This is the same woman who believes corporal punishment is okay. I’ve seen her hit my husband’s nephew for the smallest things, and no one does anything about it.

It’s like they’re all living in some kind of cult, and I’m finally waking up to the reality of what’s going on. If he wouldn’t stand up for me, how could I expect him to stand up for our child?

I started to fear for what kind of environment our daughter would grow up in—a place where she might be belittled or bullied by her own grandmother, with a father who wouldn’t do anything to stop it. Oh, and did I mention that he missed our first ultrasound? His mother “needed” him to help her with something urgent.

It turned out to be fixing her Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi! He chose that over seeing our daughter for the first time. That told me everything I needed to know about where I stand in his life. So, I packed up and left. I’m done living like this. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’ve already contacted a lawyer.

You can’t scare me into complying anymore because I have all those texts. You know exactly which ones I’m talking about. So, Steffan, I wish you all the best in your future marriage—with your mother and the women of Reddit whose boobs you don’t even deserve.

Am I the a**hole for leaving my husband after he neglected me for years, let his mother mistreat me, and made me fear for our future daughter’s safety?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

strangeloop414 −  Imagine bro sitting down and reading this at first like “wow, haha imagine if this was actually for me? Wait… oh that might be me because… omg the necklace thing??? The ultrasound… MOMMMMM!!!!”

Sudden-Magazine-4848 −  NTA. Question for Steffan…Do you scroll through Reddit comparing boobs to your moms while she’s breastfeeding you?

Strong_Arm8734 −  Nta, hope Steffan and mommywife are eternally trapped with each other. She failed raising her son into a complete autonomous human and would have tried to damage your daughter. He would have let her.

AdmirableAvocado −  damn Steffan, you fucked up. nobody likes a mommas boy. grow a pair.. nta

NosferaTouffe −  Steffan, buddy…. PLEASE reply and tell us how much a good boy you are! Mommy will be so proud!

sensuspete −  r/ratemydeparture. 10/10 OP. I wish you well in your new life.

FitzDesign −  So now what you need to do is send a link of this post to Stefan! Wouldn’t want him to possibly miss it. Good luck OP, you’ll be great now that you’ve lost that 200 lbs that were hanging around your neck. I’m sure mommy will be thrilled now that you’re gone and she’s gained the 200 lbs.. NTA. Updateme!

aquavenatus −  I wish I could give this post a Gold because this was a brilliant, “F U, I’m leaving you!” note. Not only did OP post the note where her STBX will find it and read it, but also found a very clever way to make it public!

OP, make sure all of the custody arrangements and the visitation agreements are done with your lawyer and the judge, and without your former MIL! I’m sorry it came to this; your ex never deserved you.. Obviously, NTA.

DobbyFreeElf35 −  Steffan, you s**k.

Primary_Afternoon_46 −  I can’t believe you came between him and his mom, you hussy

Do you think the Reddit user’s decision to leave was justified, or could there have been a way to reconcile and protect her child’s well-being within the marriage? How would you handle a partner who constantly prioritizes others over you? Share your thoughts below!