AITA for letting my son wrestle for free because I helped bring a club team up from nothing but my step daughter wasn’t offered the opportunity?

A Reddit user shared their struggle with family dynamics involving their son and stepdaughter. The father let his son wrestle for free at a club team he helped establish but couldn’t afford to fund his stepdaughter’s interest in wrestling on top of her other activities. The situation led to tensions with his wife, who felt it was unfair. Read the full story below to weigh in on whether the father made the right call.

‘ AITA for letting my son wrestle for free because I helped bring a club team up from nothing but my step daughter wasn’t offered the opportunity?’

A father shared his dilemma about a family disagreement involving his son, stepdaughter, and their extracurricular activities. His son was offered the opportunity to wrestle for free at the same club team he wrestled for in his youth—a chance the father cherished.

Meanwhile, his stepdaughter, who has shown interest in other sports like soccer and attends dance classes funded by her grandmother, expressed a desire to wrestle too. However, her desire to wrestle seemed more about pleasing her stepdad than genuine interest.

he family faces financial limits, making it impossible to support both activities for her. When the father explained to his wife that he couldn’t justify paying for his stepdaughter to wrestle, given her other opportunities, tensions arose.

His wife feels it’s unfair for the son to have a free pass while the stepdaughter doesn’t get the same chance to try wrestling. Now, he wonders: is he being unfair for allowing his son to wrestle for free while prioritizing his stepdaughter’s preferred activities?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

TheSciFiGuy80 −  NTA. She (stepdaughter), is already involved in two other activities. She’s not being left out, she’s just not getting a free ride on this one.. Your son has just wrestling.

Grandma pays for something for her to do, so why is that ok (to the wife) but this isn’t? I see nothing wrong with this as both children are being supported in different endeavors by people outside the immediate family. It has nothing to do with who is bio kid and who is not.

sour_lemons −  NTA. It’s not clear why your son is offered wrestling for free but not your step daughter. Did the club give a reason for it? Either way it sounds like your daughter is involved in 2 activities – dance and soccer – both which cost money. And your son is involved in 1 activity – wrestling – which is free.

If we flip the script, say hypothetically your son also wants to do dance and soccer because daughter is in dance and soccer, but that would be an additional financial burden on your family, what would your wife say?

Kmia55 −  Opportunities in blended families are often times not fair. Your SD already has opportunities your son doesn’t have. Your SD also has a grandparent that isn’t your son’s supporting one of her endeavors. Is that fair to your son?

Your wife needs to not be greedy and, instead, make sure both children’s needs and wants are taken into consideration. I would go so far as to say that your wife’s attitude in this clearly reflects her disinterest in what is right for both children.

3lm1Ster −  You said that the stepdaughter thinks you want her to wrestle, but she wants to play soccer.. TALK TO EVERYONE AT ONE TIME Make sure wife and son both understand that wrestling is not the step daughters first choice, and she would much prefer to only do soccer and dance. Make sure everyone understands that you do not expect to have 2 wrestlers in the family, and that you happily support your stepdaughters decisions.

Jmfroggie −  Unless the mother is willing to have her parents pay for an activity for your son so it’s “fair” then she’s using the same advantages and opportunities you are. She’s not forcing her own parents to financially contribute to her other child- your son- so why should you be expected to attempt to force an outsider to financially contribute to her daughter?

My guess is the son has already shown interest and timely this coach already has an established relationship, even if minimal, to your son. Daughter already is in two while your son had nothing. Him getting an opportunity to participate makes this better but it’s still not exactly even with daughter- so technically he’s behind one- for sake of argument.

Nta. Your wife is though. She cannot expect that strangers to her that knew you before your remarriage treats her grown children as if they’re yours, especially if she’s not forcing her own family to treat her step son as if he is hers.

Nexi92 −  It’s interesting that OPs partner is so focused on what she perceived as her kid having an inequality of opportunity compared to her stepbrother, when the actual problem is that there IS an inequality in her bio child’s favor!

I think that this club runner must have realized that the sister is getting multiple expensive extracurriculars that the brother isn’t, and he wanted to pay forward OPs help with getting other kids into the sport by showing OPs son he is both seen and is deserving of opportunities that up until now were only being provided to his stepsibling.

Why is it okay for this household to pay for two activities for one child and only encourage the son towards something AFTER it was made free?! I get that OPs partner is caught up on the concept that her kid might be being discriminated against for not being OPs biokid,

but I’m pretty sure the guy offering to include the son sees this as HER discriminating against her non-biokid and acting like he’s unworthy of devoting resources towards unless her crotch-fruit also reaps benefits from it.\

Honestly the blatant favoritism she is showing is doubly disgusting because she was able to nearly convince OP that it’s wrong to take interest in his children individually. She seriously is acting like he’s a bad parent to even consider an outcome that doesn’t revolve around HER child first and foremost.

This is a MAJOR red flag, and unfortunately the only way to protect the daughter from her mothers entitlement is to stick around. But if his wife keeps forcing him to choose he is going to have to protect his boy first because he’s the only advocate his boy has aside from the club runner who just wanted to help a boy and his dad bond more

RecordingNo7280 −  NTA. It’s fine to set limits on how many sports they do. Two concurrent sports seems like more than enough — any more and she couldn’t give one the proper time and energy. The fact that your son gets a free ride instead of paying for wrestling is irrelevant. He’s only doing one sport. I would tell her that is she wants to wrestle, she needs to wait for one of the other sports to finish the season and then she can switch it out for wrestling. 

creativekinda −  How does your wife treat your son? From what’s described here, I’d be concerned that she has animosity towards your son and sees her daughter as superior.. NTA by the way. Your stepdaughter is getting the opportunities she wants. Seems like your wife is the problem.

ttppii −  Is there an actual adult with children who writes like that?

markdmac −  NTA, so the daughter really wants to do soccer but is mad about wrestling, fine, tell her to give up soccer and pay instead for wrestling. The owner of the business is t.obligates to give any if your kids a free pass somit is very generous of him to offer that for your son.

Do you think the father was justified in prioritizing the stepdaughter’s current interests while taking advantage of a unique opportunity for his son, or should he have found a way to include her in wrestling as well? How would you navigate such a situation? Share your thoughts below!