AITA for letting my sister walk me down the aisle despite my fiance and his family’s objections?

A Reddit user (23F) shares a story about planning her wedding and the conflict that arose when she decided she wanted her older sister (32F) to walk her down the aisle. Raised by her sister after their mother’s passing and with no father figure in her life, the sister has played multiple roles in her life.

When the user brought up the idea, her fiancé and his family, who have more traditional views, objected. This led to tension with her future in-laws, who expect a more traditional wedding. Despite this, the user is determined that her sister be the one to walk her down the aisle, even though her sister has offered to step back to avoid causing stress.

‘ AITA for letting my sister walk me down the aisle despite my fiance and his family’s objections?’

I (23F) was raised by my older half sister (32F). I never met my dad and our mom OD’d when I was 10 and my sister was 19. My sister’s dad was still in her life and was willing to support her, but not me. My sister chose to be my guardian and her father’s family went low-contact with her as a result. In order to raise me she gave up a lot; her relationship with her father, college, her 20s, and so much more.

A few months ago I got engaged and I told my sister that in addition to being my maid of honor, I also wanted her to be the one to walk me down the aisle. All my life she’s had to fulfill so many roles for me — big sister, mother, father, friend — that it only felt right that those multiple roles be honored on one of the biggest days of my life. My sister was ecstatic and so was I, but when I brought it up with my fiance he objected.

My future in-laws are very traditional and my fiance had always expected that his wedding would be a very traditional white wedding. He said that it was great that my sister was my MOH, but that her having two roles wasn’t and that it wasn’t appropriate for her to walk me down the aisle since that’s usually done by a man. Apparently, his family had assumed that my future father-in-law would be the one to give me away since I don’t have any male relatives.

I told him that I appreciate his father being willing to fill that role, but that the one who make me the person I am is my sister and so it’s right that she be the one to give me away. It turned into an argument that’s spread to my in-laws. My MIL called me a few days ago to say that although she understand how important my sister is to me, that it’s also my fiance’s wedding and I shouldn’t be putting my sister before him on his day.

I definately heard her on that, but this is still important to me. At this point, my sister has even said that she doesn’t mind just being the MOH and that she doesn’t want to turn my happy day into something stressful. So now it’s just me holding out and being stubborn, but I really don’t want to concede on this point. Am I being the AH?.

See what others had to share with OP:

JayBilzeriansPillow −  Tell your MIL that your FIL can walk your fiancé down the aisle if he wants to give someone away. Or better yet, strongly consider not marrying into this family because they’re the assholes. ETA: NTA. Holy comments, Batman! I was not expecting so many replies. Thank you for the awards!

litt3lli0n −  that it wasn’t appropriate for her to walk me down the aisle since that’s usually done by a man. Just because something is done one way, does not mean it cannot be done in a different way. This is VERY telling of how he sees gender roles. I have to question if other things like this have come up in the duration of your relationship. Does he help with house work? Laundry? Dishes? Or do you do them because they are “woman” chores.. NTA and I would die on this hill.

drainedbrain17 −  NTA. I admire the effort you big sister put in to raise you. Having her walk you down the aisle is a no brainer. Also you made me tear up. Thanks, I’m at work and am the grumpy miserable old bloke.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, and this is a hill to die on in my opinion. How is it that you’re “holding out and being stubborn” – couldn’t you say that about your fiancé? He wants to take away something meaningful to you because he wants things to appear his way – that’s entirely self-serving. You’re not putting your sister before him, you’re putting her on your side, right where you want her.

This is weird controlling behavior on your fiancé’s part, and it gives a very bad vibe about him and his family. What happens down the road when/if you decide to have children? If you pick out a child’s name, does he get to veto that and replace it with a name of his choosing, too? What’s your role going to be in his “traditional” household, and is that ok with you? I’m not saying to end things over this disagreement, but do take a good look at where you are and where you’re heading before going forward.

EtherPhreak −  I hate to say it, but you may want to put the wedding on hold, and re evaluate if this is a family you wish to marry into. The “Traditional” roles could start small, but become something you hate. NTA, and I wish you the best of luck.

madelinegumbo −  NTA. I would have serious reservations about marrying someone who was blatantly dismissive of my plan to honor the person who raised me.

BriefHorror −  NTA don’t marry him. This will be the rest of your life. Your sister will never be respected because she isn’t a man. “She walks me down the isle or I don’t walk down that isle.” I wouldn’t even give him that much.

ReviewOk929 −  NTA. 1. What a wonderful way to honor your sister and the roles she has played in your life. 2. Your partners inability to grasp something so significant to you is disturbing. 3. The fact that your MIL and probs partner think you are putting yourself ahead of his/their feelings would make me run a mile from them all.

SnooPets8873 −  NTA honestly, him running to his family and them coming after you on his behalf makes me a little hesitant about your current communication and conflict resolution within your relationship. You clearly have an imbalance of family support. I’m worried you are going to be completely crushed under their collective weight. Are you always going to have to give in because they get a vote and outnumber you?

JuliaX1984 −  NTA Die on this hill. Your fiance and in laws value a pointless, misogynistic tradition more than your feelings. Don’t choose a pointless, misogynistic tradition over your sister.