AITA for letting my girlfriend put my daughter in time out?’

‘A father (mid-20s) allowed his girlfriend to put his 7-year-old daughter in time-out for speaking Spanish at home. The child, raised primarily by her grandparents and a Spanish-speaking nanny, was struggling to adjust after moving in with her dad and his girlfriend.

The daughter preferred speaking Spanish, especially around the new girlfriend, which the dad found rude. He told the girlfriend to put the child in time-out whenever she spoke Spanish, leading to the child spending a lot of time in isolation and becoming silent at home. Now, the father’s parents are upset, and the child is asking to move back in with them.

 AITA for letting my girlfriend put my daughter in time out?’

I had my daughter (7) in high school. I went to boarding school and her mom wanted nothing to do with her so she lived with my parents while I finished high school and college, until she was 6. My daughter was not an easy baby so after a month my parents ended up getting her a live in nanny.

Her nanny is an older Hispanic woman and always spoke Spanish with my daughter. When my daughter moved in with me, the nanny came to. They still spoke Spanish at home, which wasn’t a big deal until recently. My girlfriend moved in with us a few weeks ago. 

She’s been trying to get to know my daughter but my daughter refuses to interact with her, going so far as to refuse to speak English at home.

I told my daughter that she was being rude and needs to speak English at home and with my girlfriend but she pretended not to understand me so I went to my girlfriend and told her that if my daughter speaks Spanish to/around her, she can put my daughter in time out for 10 minutes.

The nanny complained that my daughter was spending at least an hour in time out a day and I’ve noticed that she hasn’t been speaking at all around the house.Then I got a call from my parents asking why my daughter is asking to come back. I told them what happened and now they’re threatening to take my daughter back.AITA for letting my girlfriend put my daughter in time out?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

International-Age971 −  YTA. Your gf is a stranger to that little girl. An hour of time out a day for speaking a language she has spoken her whole life is insane, emotionally a**sive and flat out mean.

MoonGladeLadyBug −  YTA majorly! The adults around her should help her acclimate to all the major changes in her life. She’s a child! You think punishments will help her do this?!?! Your daughter stopped speaking! You are traumatizing your child.

ggrandmaleo −  YTA. If what you want is obedience, get a dog. Your daughter isn’t speaking because she doesn’t feel safe in your home. This is a human being with her own needs, wants, and personality. Get to know her, not force her to be what you want her to be. If you can’t do that, send her back to your parents.

mdthomas −  INFO: How fluent in English is your daughter? It may be that she thinks she is getting punished not for speaking Spanish, but simply for speaking.. YTA (both you and your gf).

frolicndetour −  YTA. You’ve only actually parented your own daughter for a year. And now you’ve forced a live in girlfriend upon her before it sounds like she even established a full time relationship with you, let alone this girlfriend. And now you are letting this person discipline her?

Frankly, you are a s**t parent who is more concerned about getting his d**k wet than about finally properly parenting your daughter. Maybe you should send her back to your parents since you couldn’t even bother to ease the barrage of changes you’ve thrown at this young child in a ridiculously short period of time.

AffectionateTruth147 −  Info: what is your relationship with your daughter like? Did you made an effort to be in her life while she was living with your parents?

EmptyPomegranete −  YTA. Have you ever thought about the fact that as an adult, it is your girlfriends and your responsibility to foster a relationship with your daughter? It should not be up to her- your girlfriend should be making positive associations with her herself. They don’t need to talk.

They can sit in the same room watching your daughters favorite movie. Bake cookies together. Go to the park. Your daughter is uncomfortable with a stranger living in your home- and you expect her to be okay with it after a few weeks. Newsflash- fostering healthy relationships takes a lot of time. You are failing as a parent and punishing your daughter for it.

Alyssa_Hargreaves −  YTA. First off, you are the parent, right? not your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is NOT her mother, and shouldn’t be handling any punishments until your daughter can trust her as a trusted adult. Right now your girlfriend like you is a complete stranger. So she’s right not to trust her.

the fact she trusts you at all is amazing as it is. Secondly. You didn’t raise your kid, your parents did, you basically are an older brother in her mind, you aren’t “daddy” because her grandfather was the paternal figure for SEVEN YEARS. You aren’t her father right now.

The fact you moved your girlfriend in before establishing a bond with your daughter tells us ALL that your relationship with your kid is second to your girlfriend and that should be reversed. Also punishing a kid for not trusting someone or being comfortable with them tell us a LOT about you and your partner.

because a GOOD parent would be trying to figure out WHY their kid doesn’t feel comfortable talking around someone and not just punishing them. Also if she’s spending an hour in time out a day (I say thats low tbh I bet its a lot higher but the nanny isn’t trying to get dismissed since she’s the only one with the kids interests at heart)

that means she’s sending your daughter to time out at least 6 times. Why. have you ever spoken to your kid and found out if theirs a reason why she wont talk around her? No! Maybe you should send the young girl back to her grandparents cause I don’t think you are ready to be a parent, also take parenting classes please.

you need them. Also leave the discipline to you and the nanny, NOT some girl you happen to be dating!

Top-Bit85 −  You sound like a victim of affluenza. YTA, so is your GF. That poor kid.

HiggsyPigsy −  And this is why s** Ed in schools is important

Is the father wrong for enforcing this language rule and using time-outs, or is it reasonable for him to set boundaries? Should the daughter’s language preferences be honored, or is the father justified in wanting smoother communication? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!