AITA for letting my brother’s grandkids call me Grampa?

A Reddit user explains how his brother abandoned his kids years ago, leaving the user and the family to support and raise the children. Now, as an adult, the user’s niece and nephew have children of their own, and their kids have been calling him “Grampa” for years.

However, during a Thanksgiving gathering, the brother—who only recently met his grandkids—became upset and accused the user of “usurping” his role as grandfather. The user questions whether he’s in the wrong for letting his brother’s grandchildren call him “Grampa.” Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for letting my brother’s grandkids call me Grampa?’

My brother knocked up his girlfriend and then left. He literally moved to a different country to get away from his crazy ex. She was definitely on the HOT/CRAZY scale back then but being a single mom calmed her down and she raised two great kids. My family helped her out a lot and she is still.a part of it even after she got remarried when the twins were 12.

I don’t have kids. I don’t want kids. I realistically don’t like kids. However I was a part of my niece and nephew’s lives since they were born. There is a picture of me holding them at the hospital. I helped raise the kids. I love them deeply. They are now grown and stated families of their own.

Their children have been calling me grampa since forever. I buy them gifts. I take them out. I visit with them when I’m in town. My brother was in town for Thanksgiving last week and my niece and he family were at my mom’s house. This is the first time he has ever met his kids children.

He was pissed that they called me grampa. He says that I “usurped” his place and that I’m a d**k for letting his grandchildren think I’m their grandfather. I honestly don’t give a s**t. The can call me whatever they want. Just because he paid child support he thinks he was the best dad ever. I was the one who was there for his children all their lives. His oldest grandchild is six and this was their first meeting. I think he gave up his right to complain when he abandoned them.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

sleepy965 −  NTA. Just like dads don’t have to be biodads, grandpas don’t have to be biograndpas. And kudos to your family for supporting their single mom when she needed it.

eowynsheiress −  NTA. It’s clearly an honorific their parents chose. Bro did abandon them. Money isn’t parenting, it’s the bare minimum.

CivMom −  Grandpa is an earned title, and you have earned it. Tell him he bought a participation trophy, but you get the grand prize.

Impossible-North4601 −  NTA, you didn’t “steal” this from him. He threw away his relationship with his children and grandchildren. He would be grandpa if he had cleared the low, low bar of inputting any amount of effort. 6 years and multiple grandchildren later, and this is the first time they have met him? Come on.

Why should his kids/grandkids care about someone who never cared about them? Like, “Oooooh nooooo, what’s this? A completely predictable consequence of my actions? Who could have ever seen this coming????”. Tell him he doesn’t get grandpa privileges without actually BEING a parent OR a grandparent.

BeeFree66 −  ” . . . I was the one who was there for his children all their lives. His oldest grandchild is six and this was their first meeting. I think he gave up his right to complain when he abandoned them.” These sentences prove why your are Grandpa in the truest sense of the word. Your brother left them to fend for themselves. Eff him.. You are NTA. You are Grandpa.

HonorableJudgeBibs −  NTA. Just because it is biologically true, does not mean he earned the title. You are clearly assuming the role.

Nester1953 −  Your brother burned his father and grandfather cards when he abandoned his family and stayed away. You go right ahead and let those kids call you grandpa. For all intents and purposes, that’s exactly who you are. You’ve cultivated this relationship by being an older man who loves them and cherishes them, so important in the lives of their parents and of those honorary grandchildren.

Good for you! Your brother is the complete A here. He’s no grandpa, he’s the guy who abandoned his offspring and his responsibilities. You, OTOH, are the real deal. Good for you, Grandpa.. NTA

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA. You are their Grampa. He has not been present in their lives, at all. So he has no right to be complaining about what his legal grandkids call you OR him. It’s what they are comfortable with and what bonds you have all formed over time.

Paying child support was for the child he helped create. That does not mean he’s earned any special place in anyone’s lives. What do the kids and the parent’s think, because they are the one’s whose feelings and opinions matter. He can be ticked off at himself for all the time and moments he’s missed out on, due to his own choices. He doesn’t get to lay that emotion or anger on anyone but himself.

WickedAngelLove −  NTA .If he cared so much he would have been present. He’s just mad because he’s embarrassed and he should be embarrassed.

AmbitiousDirection −  NTA, you’re a great grampa! (or gruncle, lol)

Was the user right to embrace the grandfather role for his niece’s and nephew’s children, or should he have respected his brother’s biological connection, despite his absence? How would you handle this family dynamic? Share your thoughts!