AITA for leaving my husband and filing for an emergency custody order?

A Reddit user shared their emotional story of leaving their husband and filing for emergency custody of their 3.5-year-old son after the family dynamics became increasingly unsafe. After her husband took in his late ex-wife’s three children without prior discussion, the household became hostile, with dangerous incidents and threats toward her young son.

Despite seeking help from a caseworker, the situation did not improve, and her husband resisted addressing the safety concerns. Now facing backlash from her husband and in-laws, she wonders if her actions were justified. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for leaving my husband and filing for an emergency custody order?’

My husband and I (both 30s) married 5 years ago. Together we have a 3.5 year old son and he has an 11 year old daughter and a 9 year old son with his ex. Things with the ex were strained. She had three other children with a former partner who are 8, 7 and 6. My husband’s ex died a year ago. For us it was sudden but she knew she was sick, she’d told the kids she was sick, and had told my stepkids not to tell us.

Her former partner wasn’t in the lives of the children they shared and none of her family stepped forward so my husband signed us up to take his ex’s three children… without discussing it with me. This was an issue for me. We argued about it and ended up talking about it a lot. I tried to work through it to not cause more upheaval for my stepkids or to pull my son’s family apart.

But the mother’s d**th changed my stepkids. They were bitter toward me and hateful toward their younger brother and their younger siblings have also been incredibly hateful toward us both and there were dangerous things happening. My husband carried on working and left me to do most of the parenting and he knew that would be the case before this.

The case worker we had was helping with resources for therapy and grief support groups but I had to document several incidents where one of the kids tried to harm my son, there were open threats made to harm him also. My husband would help me when he was home but it was mostly still me alone with them.

My stepdaughter told me a couple of months ago that her mom had hated me and they (she and her brother) used to love me but their mom knew I was bad and she raised her other kids to hate me. My stepdaughter also said her mom told her that my son was never their brother and they should never consider him equal to her kids. She said this to the case worker too.

The bio father of the other kids started paying child support but money isn’t what I needed. It reached a point where I could not leave my son out of my sight. My husband wouldn’t do more and he argued when I said I was going to express to the case worker that having the other three kids was too much. He told me I’d make things worse if I did that and my stepkids would never forgive me or my son.

So I spoke to the case worker, got her report and I left my husband and filed for an emergency custody hearing and with the proof from the case worker I have temporary physical custody. My husband cannot see our son and I am working out the divorce.

Of course he’s angry and he told me I should have talked to him more first. But our son’s safety is my #1 concern while he’s worried my stepkids will hate him for separating them from the other three. His parents, who I always got along with, are also angry and they told me it was a sleezy way I handled myself. They said this even though they witnessed the harm my son was at risk of. I hate that it reached this point but I couldn’t keep my son in that house anymore.. But AITA for my actions?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

sfrancisch5842 −  NTA. No where near the ah. Never the AH for protecting your son. Your soon to be ex is the AH for causing this situation without discussing it with you. You tried talking to him. Talking did t work.. And his parents can kick rocks.. Protect your son. Period.

Cali_Holly −  NTA. Like this is absolutely hysterical! Husband unilaterally decided to take in those kids without talking to OP. BUT the minute SHE unilaterally made a decision? And now SHE is a horrible person to do something SO sleazy! OMG……..This is typical of a selfish person who wants kudos for HIS taking in those orphaned children. BUT then he puts ALL the responsibility onto someone else. Absolutely classic!

Stay the course with the divorce and the Emergency Custody order. The kids have been permanently poisoned against you. You shouldn’t have to suffer a decade of trauma and abuse from the children while they are in therapy and your (ex) husband gets to LOOK like the hero while doing nothing but going to work.

WinterFront1431 −  You told him numerous times. What did he want to do? Wait until they hurt him more because their mom was a poisonous jealous bit#h. I’d stick to the divorce and have it so his other kids can’t see your son anymore, and if he wants to, he can leave them elsewhere.

Awkward-Tourist979 −  You told him multiple times.  How many more times were you meant to tell him?  He knew.  These children are of no relation to either you or your husband.  They should have been in foster care. It’s ridiculous that he’s choosing children that are not his own over his own biological son.  What kind of father does that make him?  _(answer: a pathetic failure)._

mcmurrml −  NTA, did you tell his parents it was sleezy that their son took in these kids without even telling you and left you holding the bag?? You should have left his ass when he brought in the kids without telling you. Good for you. You keep on and forget what anyone else says.

The bio fathers should have taken back their kids. Shows how little their cared about their own kids. Too bad these kids can’t see that but unfortunately it may be years before they realize you were not the bad guy. You always protect your child at all costs.

WaferEither7063 −  Well done, beautiful! He’s only whining because now he has to deal with the reality he created. I hope you and your son have a gorgeous life.

Danube_Kitty −  NTA. What else has he expected you to do? Wait until your son is hurt at least twice? No. He hasn’t discussed taking those kids at all with you but you have tried. Unfortunately it’s even worse than expected.. Protect your son.

Worldly-Passion-412 −  So wait. You ASKED for help… they all said “nah” and now your the bad guy? They can get over it. You’re nta. They’re just mad they have to step up.

Glinda-The-Witch −  NTA So your husband essentially put you in the position of raising 6 children, three of them are not even related to him, without even discussing it with you in advance. It’s an unfortunate situation for the children on so many levels, but your one and only priority is the safety of your child. You did the right thing.

There are a lot of broken families out there. There is also a lot of animosity between exes as well as between exes and new partners. Your husband‘s ex set her children up for a very difficult life. While it never would’ve been a Brady Bunch scenario, she could’ve done so much more to help her children integrate into your family if she hadn’t been so bitter.

rockHOMES −  NTA. Protect your son.