AITA for leaving home immediately after my mum told me we would have to ‘reevaluate our living situation’ in the new year?

A Reddit user, an 18-year-old lesbian, shares her experience after coming out to her Muslim mother. Following an intense argument and the discovery of her sexuality, her mother threatened to “reevaluate their living situation.”

Fearing being kicked out, the user left immediately, only to be met with more tension when she lied about where she was staying. Now, estranged from both parents, she struggles with financial challenges and emotional strain. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for leaving home immediately after my mum told me we would have to ‘reevaluate our living situation’ in the new year? ?’

For context I, 18F, am a lesbian and recently my mother found out. I come from a Muslim household, and about a week after she found out, my mother was going to be going on umrah. We got into a big argument, and it ended in me telling her I dont believe in Islam at all.

She’s adamant that she cares more about my lack of faith than my sexuality. After that, the conclusion was that she couldn’t control what I did outside of the house, as long as I don’t lie about what I’m doing.

important bit of information is that around that time I loaned her £1000 because she lost her job and couldn’t make my sisters school fees. So, last Friday I said to her ‘By the way tomorrow after work I’m going to go the cinema with Jen, is that alright?’ (Jen is my gf but I am using a false name for her).

She flipped and shouted that I treat the house like a hotel and can’t come and go as I please, and that we haven’t spent any time together as a family since her return from umrah and that I am so selfish. She said that in January, we would have to reevaluate our living situation if I carried on behaving like this.

I took this to mean that I would be kicked out, so I said fine, I’ll leave right now. She took my house keys off me, and now I’m sleeping on my dads sofa. Here I might become the a**hole. I lied to my dad about going to stay with my cousin when really I went to stay at my girlfriends house for the night.

My cousin and my aunty knew where I was, and I didn’t tell my dad because I knew he wouldn’t let me and I didn’t tell my mum. When I got back he said that he’s lost all his trust in me, and then my mum came round and called me a lying b**ch.

She thinks that I’ve lied to her because I told her I was straight, and lied to people about being kicked out when all she meant apparently was that I’d have to pay rent. I am probably an a**hole for lying about where I was yes, but I don’t think she has to know that I’m gay?

Surely lying about that is okay. She took my phone off me and said that she was going to delete all my stuff off it and factory reset it because she pays the phone contract and wants to make me hurt as much as she’s hurting.

She’s not going to pay me back my £1000 which has just fucked over my savings and left me with basically nothing— I can’t learn to drive now and I’m definitely not going to be able to get a car before I go to university. I don’t have anywhere to go.

She took away the bracelet that my grandma left me because apparently it belonged to ‘her mum’. What she did got worse but I can’t mention it here. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I’m the one who’s caused this situation, but both my parents seem to think I have.

I don’t know what to do, im so tired and I haven’t got enough money to get my own place for a bit, and there’s no way I’m going back home. My dad seems to think that I need to earn my way back into my mums house, he thinks that because apparently she didnt mean what she said, I have escalated the situation and it’s my fault.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

aemondstareye −  Just posting this mostly because you’re going to get fed a lot of absurd, g**lighting s**t over the next few weeks (perhaps months), so I am BEGGING you to internalize this outsider’s perspective:

* **100% of the way your family is treating you is because you are gay and irreligious**. It is not because you are selfish, because you were rude, because you were lazy, because you left too often, because you lied about where you were going.

* Even if all of these things were true—which it does not even remotely seem—they would land in the realm of “typical teenager,” and you can bet that is how they would otherwise be treated. But they’re not. Because the real issue is that you’re gay and irreligious. And they don’t like it. That’s it. It is that simple.

* **The bracelet, the phone, and the unpaid loan are not to punish you for lying. They are to punish you for being gay and irreligious.** The “pain” your mother’s feeling is not caused by the absolute non-shock of your teenager telling a white lie. It’s caused by recognizing they are about to lead a lifestyle with which you fundamentally disagree.

* **There is nothing wrong with being gay or irreligious.** Hundreds of millions of people are gay, and *billions* of people are not Muslim. Raising you was an informed decision made (I assume) intentionally by your parents.

Parenthood does not entitle anyone to demand their child lead a specific lifestyle, follow a specific religion, marry a specific person, or choose any particular path. You do not owe them heterosexuality. You do not owe them Islam.

* **Your safety and well-being are the first priority.** Money can be re-made (not to discount your immense loss); phones can be replaced; that bracelet is from, but is not, your grandma. I would never recommend someone in your situation go on living in that house.

If your aunt and cousin are more understanding, I’d find a new living situation if at all possible—even if on temporarily on your girlfriend’s couch. There are services in the U.K. and the U.S. for at-risk LGBT youth.. NTA.

cynical_overlord1979 −  NTA. You called your mum’s bluff and she’s experiencing a loss of power and control over you. Am I understanding correctly that your mother went to Mecca (Saudi Arabia) from the UK, even though she had no money to pay school fees and had to borrow £1000 from you?

Who paid for the trip? Why does she have money for this but not school fees? Has “everyone” been told about this? It doesn’t sound like a loan it sounds like she took all your money for her own use and isn’t giving it back. You haven’t caused the situation. You are not the one who is wrong here.

But you are stuck, now with no money or means of escape, in a very unsympathetic situation. Can you keep staying with your dad in his sofa (in a separate house to your mum?).  How close is your relationship with your girlfriend?

Can your girlfriend house you while you get a job and figure out where to move? Were you planning to live at your mother’s home while you went to university? Can you manage it financially if you don’t?

Eventide2025 −  NTA – Your parents will not change. They have shown you that they are petty and closed-minded. It is up to you to move forward however you can. Be careful. Be safe. Get away. Start a new life. Also, your mother stole $1000 from you. If you can prove it, take her to court. If you can’t, take whatever she also can’t prove.

FrostedLark −  NTA. Deception is rarely the ideal option, but given the conservative nature of your household and your need for safety and autonomy, it’s understandable why you would feel compelled to hide the truth. It’s a means of self-preservation until you can achieve independence.

Remember to focus on your long-term goals and work towards creating a stable, self-sufficient life where you won’t have to lie to protect yourself from the people who should be your support system. Stay strong, and try to build a network of friends and allies who respect who you are and the choices you make.

magsy3 −  NTA. They are not going to support you and you are OK to lie to them in this situation. It’s the only way to survive them. But you need to get your education so you can build a safe and happy future. Do whatever it takes. Lie if necessary. 

lemonzy4412 −  NTA. Unfortunately, this is a common thing people go through with their parents when they grow up in a conservative or religious household. If you’re able to go stay somewhere you feel comfortable and safe, I would recommend that.

If not, you might just have to put up with your parents and live by their rules until you go to university or are able to get out on your own. Even if it might be a bad situation. Your mom might not pay you back the £1000 you loaned her. That’s another unfortunate reality that happens all too often when you lend money to family or friends.

If she does end up paying you back, that’s great, but there’s not really much you can do to force her to give you the money if she refuses to pay you back. Luckily, in the long term £1000 isn’t a lot of money. Just take it as a lesson learned.. Sorry for your situation.

viviolay −  OP, please be safe. Your household sounds a**sive and since you are leaving, just like with DV, it can be potentially dangerous.
If you can, get help or law enforcement (assuming you have trustworthy police) to pick up your things from home.

You didn’t do anything wrong. They‘re talking about lack of trust, but I think they’ve broken the fundamental trust that is parents should love their children regardless of who they are. You should be able to trust your parents, but you can’t, so I understand why you lied.. NTA – stay safe

KosmikZA −  NTA. And I’d sue her for the money and the gifted bracelet through small claims if there is such that side.

Nekodragon21 −  NTA they are punishing you for being gay but reaching for the flimsiest justifications they can to say “it’s not bc your Gay, it’s bc xyz” so you’ll stay in their reach so they can punish you more/punish you straight.

adie_sammy1202 −  This is the reality of being born in conservative religious family. Hope you are making planned options on how to leave in your household.

This is why most belonging to lgbt community need to come out when you are ready mentally and financially because most reactions would be to deny access money to you that would limit your options and that it’s always good to have a backup plan when that happens. Then you can live independently and relying on them without their judgement on you.

Was the user justified in leaving after their mother’s ultimatum, or did they escalate the situation? How would you navigate such a challenging family dynamic, especially when it involves your identity? Share your thoughts below!