AITA for leaving before dinner because my mom didn’t cook anything my wife can eat? ?

A Redditor shares his frustration after leaving a family dinner because his mom didn’t prepare any vegan dishes for his wife, even though she knew about her dietary choices. This was supposed to be a meaningful first meal as a married couple at his mom’s house, but things quickly turned sour when the mom insisted his wife could “just eat normally for one day.” Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for leaving before dinner because my mom didn’t cook anything my wife can eat? ?’

I recently got married with my long term fiancée. She and my mom never really gotten along . I always hoped things would get better after the marriage.
My mom invited us over for dinner, which was supposed to be our first meal as a married couple at her house.

Now, my wife is a vegan. She was a vegetarian before but switched to vegan a couple months ago . My mom KNOWS she’s a vegan. Despite that my mom didn’t prepare a single vegan dish for her. Except a soggy looking salad. Even the veggie soup, she added chicken broth to it, to make it “tastier.”

The rest was all non-vegan stuff like mac and cheese, fried chicken, jambalaya, and banana pudding for dessert—all things my wife can’t eat. I told my mom we were going to leave before dinner since there was nothing for Olga (my wife) to eat. My mom said she could just pick the shrimp out of the jambalaya and eat the salad.

I told her that’s not how it works. Then she she start insisting the veggie soup was fine. I pointed out that it wasn’t vegan because of the chicken broth. Which according to my mom was “b**lshit” She then asked Olga if can’t she just eat normally for one day.

My wife said no but she doesn’t mind just having the salad but I knew she was just trying to save the day and was fed up with how my mom was treating her, so I thanked my mom and told her we were leaving.

My mom freaked out, she blamed us with being disrespectful, she said she spent hours cooking all that food for me. I told her that’s the issue, she should’ve thought about Olga too. My mom said i was exaggerating because “it’s not like she’s allergic or anything “. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

kryskawithoutH −  NTA. As a 10+ years mostly plant based and having “difficult” family I can tell you this:

1 – accept the fact that your mum will never respect your wife and her choices. Yes, its bad and sad, but there is nothing you can do.

2 – then you can choose to ignore her, go minimal in contact

or 3 – try to have somewhat normal relationship. That includes bringing food everytime you come (usually “weird” vegan stuff gets eaten first at family dinners, lol). When dealing with “difficult” family members I usually bring a main dish (2–3 portions, one for me and 1–2 to share with everybody as a snack) and a dessert (big one, for everybody).

Then I just ignore all the snarky comments about me being inconvenient. Thats the only way that allows me to see some family members 2–3 times a year. I cant change their view on plant based diet. They cant make me eat meat.

Comfortable-Sea-2454 −  NTA. \ My mom freaked out, she blamed us with being disrespectful, she said she spent hours cooking all that food for me. I told her that’s the issue, she should’ve thought about Olga too. My mom said i was exaggerating because “it’s not like she’s allergic or anything “.

For your mom to not have cooked a single thing that Olga could eat is a massive power play. \ She then asked Olga if can’t she just eat normally for one day. Time to go very LC or NC with your mom until she decides to treat your wife with respect.

Even_Budget2078 −  NTA. OP. OP. DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF!!! You did the right thing. You stood up for your wife. Your mom’s behavior is unwelcoming and extremely passive-aggressive (maybe just aggressive?). Importantly, and this is what I want you to focus on, your mom’s behavior is these things *only towards your wife*.

I see that you are now feeling bad because your mom “spent hours cooking all the food” and I’m guessing because she made all that food *for you*. These are not things that weigh in your mom’s favor or make you an AH. They are the PROBLEM. Please see this. Don’t fall directly into the trap your mom is setting!

You saw it perfectly at the beginning. “I told her that’s the issue, **she should’ve thought about Olga too**.” Exactly!!! Yes! Thank you for standing up for your wife! Thank you for seeing that your mom is trying to divide you guys and create a wedge! Don’t undo all that good husband work by backtracking now.

Sweet_Cinnabonn −  NTA. This was a marriage test, a husband test. Your mom was testing if you’ll prioritize her feelings over your wife. She may not have even consciously known she was doing it, but it was still a test.. You passed with flying colors.

HappySummerBreeze −  Nta. You know the saying “start how you mean to go on”. Which of you haven’t heard it before, means “set your standard from the very beginning” if you want people to respect and make it a habit to behave within certain limits.

It’s a great way to start a marriage. You expect yourself and your wife to be treated with kindness and consideration, and you will politely excuse yourself ANY TIME that isn’t occurring. If you do the hard work NOW while your mother is already adjusting to you being married, then it gets bundled into the same emotional work for her.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. Your mother knew exactly what she was doing.

JumpyMaize4409 −  NTA. This absolutely was a power play by your mum. She knew your wife would barely have anything to eat and was either trying to manipulate her into eating non-vegan food or was genuinely ok with her having nothing to eat. Both are extremely disrespectful and rude.

You did everything right by the sounds of it, had your wife’s back (without your wife having to awkwardly say something to your mum) and directly called out your mum, then followed through on leaving the meal so your wife wouldn’t be forced to sit through a meal she couldn’t eat.. Your mum needs to apologise.

Heeler_Haven −  NTA. I wouldn’t even be certain the salad was vegan either. If it looked soggy it had probably been dressed for a while, and I wouldn’t put it past your mother to use Cesar dressing, which contains anchovies and possibly parmesan, or something else non-vegan.

No, your wife shouldn’t have to take her own food to a meal she’s supposed to be a guest of honour at, however casually, especially without being asked in advance. I have a vegetarian niece who very kindly dogsits for us. I make all the sides vegetarian friendly, and make 2 mains, a veggie option for her, and meat for me and the hubby….

I do the same for vegan friends, omitting any dairy (like butter) that I would ordinarily use. If I’m cooking for someone with food allergies I make the whole meal “safe”, just so nobody uses the wrong spoon and poisons the allergic person…..

Jmac_files −  Nta and your mom was s**t stirring. Good for you for standing up for your wife.

Charlie_Parkers_Mood −  NTA. Your mother made a point to prepare dishes your wife couldn’t eat, that was very deliberate. Whether this is a problem she has with your wife or with veganism doesn’t really matter, she meant to be disrespectful.

Do you think it was fair to leave when no vegan options were provided, or should they have stayed to avoid tension? How would you handle a situation like this with family? Share your thoughts below!