AITA for leaving after being told to be quiet at dinner?

A Redditor shared a story about a tense dinner with her boyfriend’s conservative, religious family. She was invited to dinner by her boyfriend, and everything went well until the meal began. When the father made a remark suggesting that everyone should stay quiet while eating, the Redditor tried to engage by complimenting the food.

Her comment led to her being hushed aggressively, which made her uncomfortable and awkward. After several more attempts to break the silence, she was told off and eventually left. Her boyfriend later said it was an “asshole” move, but the Redditor was conflicted about whether she was in the wrong. Invite people to read the original story below.

‘ AITA for leaving after being told to be quiet at dinner?’

The title probably makes it sound worse than it was, but I’m still conflicted. My (f21) boyfriend (m24) of almost a year, invited me to dinner with his family. (Mom, dad and his 16yr old brother.) Never met them prior to that. The only thing I knew about them is that they’re conservative and christians but lovely people.

And they were. I got along really well with them, before dinner. They were lovely and talkative. When it was time for dinner, my bfs dad wanted to pray. After praying he said, something alone the lines of “let us dig and let the food keep us quiet.” This is a pretty popular saying in our country, mostly told to young children in school. My understanding of this has always been that you shouldn’t speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table. I wouldn’t say its a cultural thing, though.

I dug in, took a bite. It was fish soup. Absolutely delicious. And y’know, like a good guest I wanted to compliment the cook. “This is delicious – is it saffron? A perfect autumn soup!” My bfs brother looked surprised. My bfs father hushed me. Big time. A really aggressive SHHH with a finger over his lips. And then he said, again, “Let the food keep us quiet.”

I aplogised because I thought I had accidentally spoken with food in my mouth or something. But a few minutes passed and nobody said a word. Super awkward and weird, especially since they had been so talkative before. My bf was also unusually quiet.

After a few minutes I was too weirded out and asked about their day, and how nice it was that they invited me there. And his mother did the hush thing? So awkward. I think this is when it clicked, no speaking at all at the table. Let the food keep us quiet. Really quiet. But this was a super awkward situation, and I couldn’t deal with that.

Imagine sitting at a table with 5 people, everybody eating soup looking dead serious. So I laughed, it just slipped out. Ended up being told off by bfs parents that I was being disrespectful etc. and if I didn’t respect how their household worked I could eat alone in the kitchen. (We were eating in like a separate dining room.) Sooo I thanked them for the food and left to the hotel me and bf stayed at.

My boyfriend later told me that was an a**hole move, that I should’ve just kept quiet or eat alone in the kitchen. I understand their family traditions and rules, but it was so weird. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Was I being an a**hole though?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

AryaIsWaif −  NTA. He could have warned you and given you the opportunity to skip dinner because you don’t dine in monasteries. Also you are not a three year old to be sent to the kitchen to eat alone.

Solid-Guest1350 −  NTA your bf should have warned you before going. How does that meal even help you meet them? I feel a different activity would have made more sense.

Helpful_Welcome9741 −  NTA. Your boyfriend is TA for not warning you that his family is weird AF.

Fantastic-Focus-7056 −  NTA. Your boyfriend should have warned you in advance that you weren’t allowed to speak at the table in his family. And when it came apparent that you didn’t know that was a thing, they could have calmly explained except of shushing you or sending you to the kitchen like a child.. I would have left as well, tbh.

sissyintexas −  I would not want to be a part of this family.

Helpful_Emotion_1764 −  I mean I am going with NTA because 1) BF didn’t warn you beforehand 2) because when spoke they just hushed you instead of…idk…taking 10 seconds to explain the rule? I think you were put in an incredibly awkward situation and therefore didn’t really know how to react?

Also I am someone who laughs when nervous or uncomfortable so I too would of been in trouble. Also I could not have dinner with a family who says absolutely no speaking at the dinner table. I would be incredibly uncomfortable only hearing other peoples eating noises.

CrystalQueen3000 −  NTA. It’s weird that your boyfriend didn’t give you a heads up though.

annedroiid −  INFO: Is this a common practice where you are? Is it more of an outdated tradition you knew of and had never seen or had you never come across this before? If it were me in my country I’d absolutely say you’re not an a**hole – I’m not sure I could’ve kept a straight face over such an absurd and outlandish request – but that’s on the basis of the cultural norms of the countries I’ve lived in. It really depends on how common this is in your country and how reasonable it was for you to not know about it/for them to expect it.

ThinEscape511 −  NTA cause your bf should’ve given you a heads up about this unusual tradition

snailranchero −  NTA. They told you to be silent in the rudest, weirdest power play possible. Then had the nerve to tell a grown woman to eat alone as a punishment, as if they have the right to punish you.

His family is toxic. This isn’t conservative. It’s insane. These are the isolated Christian types that use it as an excuse to lord power over others. They’re OBSESSED with control and I would bet money that this is only the tip of the ice berg with their unhinged demands. Avoid them op. Nothing good will come from that kind of dynamic.

Do you think the Redditor was disrespectful for not following the family’s unspoken rule, or was she justified in her reaction to the uncomfortable situation? How would you handle a similar cultural or family tradition in a tense moment like this? Share your thoughts below!