AITA for leaving a dinner party after a girl sat on my husband’s lap?

A Redditor (27F) shares an emotional story about a recent conflict involving her husband, Jake, and his best friend’s younger sister, Cindy (18F). Cindy has always been close to Jake and recently stayed with them along with her brother. During the stay, Cindy’s interactions with Jake, including sitting on his lap at a dinner party, left the wife feeling disrespected and uncomfortable. After leaving the party to cool down, her decision led to a fallout with Jake, who felt she overreacted and accused her of insecurity. With Jake now staying at his mother’s house, the OP is left wondering if she was out of line and how to reconcile. Read on for the full story.

‘ AITA for leaving a dinner party after a girl sat on my husband’s lap?’

I am still so shook with everything so sorry for my rambling. My husband (Jake) and i have been married for 3 years and from the begining he was very close with his best friend’s sister (cindy) (18f). Well my husband would often talk about her and tell how he had seen her grow up throughout the years.

Cindy is always very bubbly and seems very fond of Jake as well. I remember when we were dating she would ask to come along on our dates a lot. I never really said anything as i liked spending time with her as well. She was like a little sister to me.

When we announced our engagement she asked to my husband to “better not forget her” after being a married man and to still hang out with her. Well we got married and i even made her my bridesmaid. Soon we moved to a different state and kind of lost contact.

Now Jake’s best friend came to stay with us for sometime and cindy came along as well. Now the moment she saw us the first thing she said was how hot my husband has gotten and she was glad he didn’t look like those boring married men.

Then throughout their stay cindy would just ignore my presence and will be way too close with jake. I told jake that it was looking a bit inappropriate and to ask cindy to tone it down, but he said that cindy is just a bit childish and is that way with everybody.

Well at their last day we decided to host a dinner party for everybody. During the party i was with jake when cindy came and told me “oh i need to steal ur husband for a while” and before i could say something she grabbed jake’s hand and took him for playing games.

I ignored it since it was their last day, but then throughout the dinner she was getting way too close with jake and would just drag him away whenever i would be around while giggling at me. When everybody sat for dinner i sat beside jake and cindy came last.

She then said “oh there is no seat” and then just went and sat on my husband’s lap. Everybody was surprised and jake’s said laughing “cindy stop acting like a kid, u r not a kid anymore”. Cindy started laughing saying it was a joke and got up and sat on other seat while giggling at me.

Yeah i was so angry with the disrespect, and with the fact that Jake was so cool with it, but i didn’t wanna say anything bad so i excused myself took my car and went out. About 1hr later jake called me asking where i was. I told him i am going to my friend’s house and i will come after cindy has left.

I know what i did was terrible but i was so angry at that time that if i had stayed there any longer i would have probably started fighting or crying. I came the next day and cindy and her family had left. Jake was very pissed and said i took things too far. I started crying and told him how everything made me feel.

He said i was horrible to think such things about cindy and that she was like his siter. I told him that i was not doubting his intentions but i was hurt by how disrespectful cindy’s behaviour was and he was enabling her by not saying anything.

He started saying that i sound ridiculous and couldn’t even take a joke (referring to the sitting on lap incident). I said regardless i don’t want her in my house again. To top it off cindy sent a message saying that she was sorry about making me so insecure in myself, and that she would make sure to make me feel better, but i should not have left as it was pretty childish and kind of spoilt the mood.

It felt so backhanded, i didn’t reply anything to her. I just told my husband he needs to maintain a distance with cindy. He asked if i was giving him an ultimatum, i said if he will go as far as disregard and disrespect my feelings for cindy?

This really rubbed my husband the wrong way and he said since i have such disgusting thoughts in my mind, and is giving him an ultimatum anyways, then he might as well leave because he cannot leave with such an insecure person who has such disgusting thoughts about him.

He packed a bag and left to his mother’s place. I have tried apologising numerous times, telling how sorry i am for everything, but he is ignoring my texts and calls.

Later cindy’s brother texted me and called me a bunch of names to think like that about his sister saying jake should just leave me and a disgusting person like me deserves to be alone. I could not stop crying after that. Idk how to fix this. Is there a way to even come back? Was i so wrong to deserve this? Idk anymore.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

[Reddit User] −  “cindy sent a message saying that she was sorry about making me so insecure in myself”. What a n**ty piece of work she is.

_tellijo_ −  NTA. Your husband (and everyone else for that matter) is g**lighting you. You have every rights to feel the way you do. She is 18, she is not a kid anymore, she knows fully what she’s doing. Maybe your husband doesn’t feel any attraction towards her but he shouldn’t dismiss your feelings like that. Him, his friend and his friend’s sister are the AH here.

CheesyMacSauerkraut −  NTA. Her behavior is inappropriate. She’s not just a little girl with a crush anymore, so she needs to be treated accordingly. He’s a married man and he needs to be shutting down that type of behavior because she’s not going to stop until he does. I understand that he probably still views her as a harmless kid, but your husband should be considering your feelings and boundaries.

Future_External_5134 −  A little sister? Um, then why didn’t she sit on her brother’s lap? That is weird and it is disrespectful. NTA. He is disregarding your feelings. Perhaps counseling before divorce. 

Serendipity_1310 −  NTA and why are you apologizing. They are all g**lighting you. He wants to leave fine get a lawyer and start a divorce

Top-Bit85 −  NTA. Your only mistake was apologizing to your husband, as if his accusations were fair.

Hungry_Godzilla −  Your husband is disgusting.

777joeb −  NTA. Your husband should care about making you uncomfortable. You pointed out it was inappropriate, he blew it off up and to the point she sat in his lap and even he has to say something (not because he was upset but because everyone was looking).

He is disregarding his own encouragement of the behavior and g**lighting you to try and make it a you problem. He is a married man who is letting a young woman sit in his lap and intentionally disrespect his wife. You don’t have a problem with Cindy you have a problem with your husband. This level of disrespect to one’s spouse is unacceptable

BeardManMichael −  NTA – sounds like those two were made for each other. I think you need to consider divorce. Cindy clearly wants your husband and he is either too stupid to realize this or he wants the same thing.

Nothing about this screams you being insecure. Maybe an ultimatum was not the best idea BUT it sure let you figure out your husband’s priorities FAST. Sorry you’re going through this mess. Good luck.

Cute-Profession9983 −  If he isn’t already f***ing her, he will be eventually. Do yourself a favor and let him leave. Also, tell Cindy’s brother to pound sand with his homewrecking sister

Was the wife wrong for feeling disrespected and asking her husband to set boundaries with Cindy, or did she react appropriately under the circumstances? Should Jake have taken her concerns more seriously? Share your thoughts below!