AITA for kicking out one of my bridesmaids for showing up in the wrong dress?

A Redditor shared a dilemma involving one of their bridesmaids, who disregarded the agreed-upon dress code for their winter-themed wedding and wore a black dress instead of the forest green the bride had chosen. When the bridesmaid refused to change, the bride had her escorted out, sparking backlash from some friends. Was this an overreaction, or was the bride justified? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for kicking out one of my bridesmaids for showing up in the wrong dress?’

My (23F) wedding was back on Saturday December 31st and I’m still getting backlash from this, so I want to know if this was an AH move. In the country I live in it’s currently winter, and we get a fair amount of snow so my wedding was a winter themed wedding.

The color theme was forest green and gold. My dress was obviously white, and I chose the color of my bridesmaids dresses to be forest green as well. My MOH”s dress was black, and everyone was to wear gold accessories.

I have this friend, we’ll call her Kat, that I asked to be one of my bridesmaids. When we went dress shopping and I told them the color theme I was going for, Kat immediately expressed that she thought forest green was a bad choice.

She said the thinks it’s not a flattering color, and thought I should choose something different and more “girly”. I said no because my wedding was winter themed and I thought the color would go perfect with the theme. She suggested a pink, blue even a red. I said no, but thanks’ for your opinion.

She found out my MOH”s dress was black and asked if she could wear black too? I said no, only my MOH is wearing black.. I paid for all the dresses. Fast forward to wedding day, everyone’s getting their hair and makeup done and Kat show’s up 30 minutes late holding a bag that looked like it had a dress inside.

I asked her what this was for? She told me it was for later on at the reception if she got uncomfortable and wanted to change after pictures. I was like ok cool. So fast forward we’re all dressed and walking down the stairs because the ceremony is beginning in 30 mins and we were going to take some pictures before.

Kat is the last person to come down and she’s wearing a BLACK DRESS. At the time I was preoccupied taking pictures with my parents, but my MOH came over to me and made me aware of the situation. I confronted Kat and asked her what was going on.

She said she hates her bridesmaid dress, as the color is u**y and makes her look gross so she’s wearing black. I told her please go back and change. She refused and started walking away from me. I said I’m going to ask her one more time, and if she doesn’t oblige I’m calling security and kicking her out.

She began yelling at me to f**k off, so I called security and asked them to please escort her out. She started making a BIG scene yelling how I’m such a b**ch, that I can’t force her to wear anything and that I’m a horrible inconsiderate friend.

The wedding went on and it was truly amazing. Ever since the wedding Kat has been blowing up my phone with texts saying some really n**ty thing’s and asking for the money back she spent on the black dress, since it was a waste and she didn’t get to wear it. I had to block her number.

Some of my other bridesmaids have been giving me s**t saying that it was a little harsh kicking her out and embarrassing her like that. And that maybe I should give her the money back. AITA for kicking her out?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

_mmiggs_ −  NTA. She embarrassed herself. She agreed to wear the dress you picked out, and then deceitfully planned to change at the last moment in the hope that you’d just let her get away with it. She knew that you would tell her no.

Think of being in a wedding as like playing a part in a play, or a ballet, or something. You get cast as “bridesmaid”, so you wear the costume that the artistic director has picked out for bridesmaids to wear. If you don’t want to wear the costume, don’t be in the show.

But you can’t just show up on opening night and say “I didn’t like your costume choices, so I’m going to wear the same costume as this other character instead”. ETA: Thanks for all the love, everyone!

[Reddit User] −  NTA – it is your wedding. IF she didn’t want to wear the color that you chose she could have easily politely backed out and said she would love to attend as a guest but wasn’t comfortable wearing that color. You also paid for the dress not her where many would complain that they are buying a dress they will never wear again…you purchased it.

AgentAlpo −  NTA If you’re going to be a bridesmaid, you have to be prepared to do what the bride wants. Kat should have declined and just gone as a guest. And no, you don’t owe her anything. If anything, she owes you for the green dress that you bought that she refused to wear.

nottherealneal −  NTA. Your “friend” clearly tried to wait until the very last moment to put on the other dress in the hopes you wouldn’t make a scene and she could have her way. It’s a wedding, its about the people getting married, your own taste doesn’t matter, especially given the bride paid for the dresses, something not all brides are kind enough to do. Trying to wait until the last moment to manipulate the bride is a massive AH move.

Spirited_Bill_8947 −  NTA- you paid for her dress. She decided to do her own thinh. Is she going to pay you back for the money you spent on her?

Alarming_Reply_6286 −  Kat is a walking disaster. As a wedding planner, I will say I am truly very sorry that you had to deal with that right before walking down the aisle. Anyone who purposely creates unnecessary drama at another person’s wedding goes right out the door! Ignore Kat… she will never see or own the fact that she was the only one responsible for all her own problems.. NTA

eta — to address the issue with your other bridesmaids… Kat gets no reimbursement for going off script & choosing to do her own thing. Her dress was paid for (as well as her dinner, flowers, bridal party gifts, hair/make-up, etc.- I am assuming) She chose to not to wear the dress that was provided…. that’s not a you problem.

If they are so concerned about Kat’s feelings, they can include her in their in own weddings & pay for whatever dress she wants but this has nothing to do with you anymore.

LittleSweetFeet1497 −  NTA-I have been in a couple weddings and didn’t care for one of the dresses I was asked to wear, but it was her wedding, not mine and I wanted to support her on her day, so I wore it with pride for her. She went against what you requested over and over again, not much of a friend if you ask me.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, bet those other bridesmaids wouldn’t be saying the same if you did exactly this at her wedding. When they bring it up, you just need to respond with ‘okay, well in that case we can all ignore dress codes for all your future events, right?’

Creepy_Addict −  Ha ha, no NTA. anyone who sides with her needs to be cut off as well. SHE wanted to be a bridesmaid. So SHE had to follow the theme. YOU paid for the dress she was to wear. You don’t ~~own~~ owe her anything for the dress she bought. That’s on her. YOUR wedding wasn’t about her or her likes.. Edit typos

ArkeryStarkery −  NTA. She could have told you straight out she wasn’t wearing it beforehand but she held off until the actual day-of, when she thought you couldn’t refuse. You called her bluff. Also, she can return the black dress!

Was the bride right to prioritize her wedding vision and ask the bridesmaid to leave, or should she have handled it differently to avoid embarrassment? How would you respond if a friend ignored your wedding plans? Share your thoughts below!