AITA for kicking out my dad’s wife when they came to visit my baby?
A Reddit user recently welcomed their daughter and had their mother and stepfather visiting to help out. When the user’s father came to visit, he unexpectedly brought along his wife, Maggie, despite prior agreement that he would come alone. The Redditor firmly insisted that Maggie leave, leading to a heated argument.
The user’s dad believes they overreacted and embarrassed Maggie, while the Redditor feels justified in wanting to enforce the agreed-upon boundaries regarding visitors. Struggling with the intensity of the situation, the Redditor seeks input on whether they were in the wrong for how they handled the encounter.
Read the story below for a closer look at this family conflict.
‘ AITA for kicking out my dad’s wife when they came to visit my baby?’
My husband and I welcomed our daughter 6 weeks ago. My mum was with us for one week after the birth and then went home and it was just me, my husband, and our newborn care specialist. One week ago, my mum and stepdad came back to stay with us and visit the baby (they’ll be staying another week).
I invited my dad to come and visit for the same period, but since he wanted to bring his wife Maggie along on the trip, they are staying in a hotel (we are paying for it). We had previously agreed that he would come to visit my apartment alone, and the rest of the time he would spend vacationing with his wife.
This had all been working really well, until yesterday when my dad brought his wife with him to the apartment. He said he thought it would be okay since he has been coming alone for a week and she just wanted to meet the baby.
I told my dad that she would meet the baby when I was ready to receive visitors, not when he dictates, and she had to leave. We went on bickering until my husband stepped in and told my dad the discussion was over. My dad ended up staying to visit because if he’d left with her it would have made the situation worse, and she went back to the hotel.
My dad has now said (via text and in person) that I overreacted, and that Maggie was not planning to stay long and I could have just let her see the baby. I think that given the agreement was not to bring her, any length of time was going against that.
He says I embarrassed her by having that argument in front of my mum and stepdad, and I think he’s the one who embarrassed her by bringing her at all. My husband is on my side obviously, Mum and stepdad say it’s 50/50 but I veered into AH territory by ordering her out the way I did.
Having a new baby is a lot, and I’ll admit I haven’t been my most level headed, so I’m wondering if maybe I went slightly overboard.
Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Beck2010 − Info: why wouldn’t you let Maggie see the baby? Stepdad has seen the baby, but stepmom can’t? There’s some info missing. You’re well within your rights to deny anyone access to your baby, but it seems as if mom, stepdad, and dad are family, but Maggie is just a visitor?
Cursd818 − NTA. You were paying for his hotel and laid out a very clear boundary that his wife couldn’t come to see you. He didn’t call and ask to bring his wife along for a few minutes; he thought he would just a**ush you and you’d have to go along with it. Instead, you kept the boundary in place and he was revealed to be the one in the wrong.
The way he mentions your mother and her husband suggests that he was jealous about them being ‘prioritised’, and wanted to establish some dominance. Good on you for shutting that nonsense down. What he wants doesn’t matter when it comes to your newborn. The sooner he understands that, the better.
Far_Nefariousness773 − NTA
1. You were clear with your rules and your father agreed.
2. You said stepdad is a parent to you and she’s not. She knew she wasn’t welcome and tried it.
3. She’s awkward around your mother and you didn’t feel like dealing with that.
No is a full sentence. When you said that, your father should have backed down.
south3y − NTA. He knew exactly what he was doing when he decided to push past your limit. This wasn’t an innocent misunderstanding, or whatever his cover story was. He knew he was being naughty. He is the author of any embarrassment he might have suffered.
wtvgirl − NTA at all. Im not sure why people are mentioning that you let your step dad visit as if that’s relevant. Whatever the reason is. It’s obvious that you’re closer to him and you established that he was a parental figure growing up. You don’t have to be “fair” to both.
And like you said you just wanted people close to you and you get to decide who that is During the postpartum period, people should basically be kissing your a**. If ur step mom makes you uncomfortable/won’t lighten the ease,then there’s no discussion. She can visit later.
When youre visiting someone who just had a baby people need to remember that they’re not hosting you…
dart1126 − YTA. Your dad presumably travelled from far away if he’s at a hotel for a week. Your mom and stepdad stayed the very intrusive first week, and are already back again, and staying IN the house.
Yet you won’t let her literally CROSS THE THRESHOLD to see you and the baby. You say because she massively overstepped by having the colossal nerve to venture out from room 305 to view you in person on the last day of the visit. And naturally you can’t risk rewarding such behavior. Ever think your dad likely said, come on let’s go see the baby
I see from comments thus far indicating your problems with her …are NOT enough to warrant such a stiff arming. I’ll get downvoted of course, the your house, your rules, your new bundle etc….but you’re being an a**hole to her, because you don’t like her. That’s ALL this is. Don’t pretend it’s anything else.
Safe_Initiative1340 − YTA after reading some of your comments and the fact your dad stayed to placate you and not cause issues instead of taking his wife back to the hotel. Honestly it sounds like you just want everyone to cater to you since you had a baby six weeks ago. And I get it, having a baby is hard. But this vibe your giving is a bit odd.
chronberries − ESH. You for not just letting her meet the baby for two minutes, avoiding the whole s**t show, and your dad for bringing her in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, you were well within your right to kick her out, but it was still rude and humiliating for her. She probably only came because your dad said it would be fine.
Hotcrossbuns72 − NTA. Regardless of the reason why, you said what you said and your dad decided to override it. He doesn’t get to change it to make his wife feel better. Congratulations on the baby❤️
PutTheKettleOn20 − YTA. It’s clear you don’t like your stepmum, but the reasons are really vague and weird. Like she seems uncomfortable around your mum – has she said anything or is this just projecting since your mum seems to defend her here? And why is Maggie the only person in the family not allowed to see your baby?
It’s one thing if she had done something bad that made you distrust or dislike her, or if you were treating her and your stepdad the same way, but you aren’t. You were deliberately excluding her, making everything and everyone uncomfortable, and making her feel like the only person not in the family.
You were trying to make your dad choose between her and you and your child. For no real reason at all.
Navigating family dynamics can be tricky, especially with a newborn. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!