AITA for kicking out my brother, who our parents have previously disowned, because he told my (now ex) fiancé that I cheated 9 years ago?

A Reddit user (26F) shared an emotional story about evicting their younger brother, Connor (19M), after he revealed a past mistake during a drinking game that led to the end of her engagement. Years ago, Connor was disowned by their parents for being gay, and the user took him in, raising him like her own.

However, during a game of “Never Have I Ever,” Connor exposed that the user had cheated as a teenager, causing her fiancé (28M), who has a strong stance against infidelity, to immediately end their relationship. Now, Connor is apologizing, claiming it was an unintentional slip, but the user feels devastated and betrayed. Read the full story below to understand the complexities of this heartbreaking situation.

‘ AITA for kicking out my brother, who our parents have previously disowned, because he told my (now ex) fiancé that I cheated 9 years ago?’

For reference, my brother Connor is 19, I am 26, and my (now ex) fiancé Hunter is 28. Also for reference, already mentioned in the title, but my brother was kicked out when he was 16 because our parents snooped through his phone and found out he was in gay.

Connor had a birthday last weekend, so he invited his friends over and they were all (18-22 year olds) drinking and playing games. Hunter and I were about to head out to let them have the place to themselves, when Connor asked if we wanted to join them. I initially refused (bit too old to be playing drinking games),

but he insisted and Hunter thought it’d be fun to act like college students again. We all got pretty drunk and Connor had the idea of playing Never Have I Ever. A few rounds in, the statement “Never Have I Ever cheated before” came up. Now’s a good time to mention that Hunter is staunchly against cheating.

His ex-fiancé cheated on him and it emotionally wrecked him. And unfortunately, as a lot of dumb, immature 17 year olds do, I cheated on my “boyfriend” of 5 months. It was a stupid mistake, he found out, and (understandably) ended things. This was almost a decade ago, I obviously learned my lesson,

and look back at that time with shame (and obviously never cheated since). Well my brother knows about this so when I didn’t drink, he went “hey sis, what the hell? You know you cheated on (*insert ex’s name*). You have to drink to that!” My boyfriend paused, looked at me, looked at him, and just walked out of the room.

I followed him and tried to talk to tell him that it was a stupid teenaged mistake, but he wasn’t haven’t any of it and ended things on the spot. I’m numb. I’m heartbroken. He was my everything and more and I still don’t know how I’m going to move on. Connor tried to apologize, but I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness.

This morning I served him an eviction notice. He begged me to stay and said he didn’t mean to ruin my relationship and he just didn’t think when he said those words. I just can’t look at him right now. He ruined my life. After I raised him and cared for him like he was my own. I feel so hurt. Am I being unreasonable?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

[Reddit User] −  I’m going to have to say ESH.. Why your brother is TA. Bringing up your regretful teenaged mistakes is a huge no-no. I don’t know why he would think exclaiming to everyone “hey everyone, my sister is a cheater” was a great move, but I get that it was because he was drunk. Alcohol does make you do stupid things.

I can easily see how the lack of judgment caused by inebriation could lead to him thinking that was an acceptable thing to do.. Why your fiancé is TA Probably the most controversial of them but I think your ex-fiancé sucks the most. I get being hurt in the past because of cheating (I know that pain all too well),

but he’s holding a mistake you made when you were a teenager against you. Assuming you’re being honest, you never cheated on him, you’ve never given any indication that you did, and the relationship was otherwise fulfilling, breaking off an engagement over something you did a decade ago is overkill.. Why you’re TA

You’re misdirecting your anger. I get being upset because your fiancé left you, but I think that’s more of a fiancé problem than a brother problem. From your story, he wasn’t being malicious, and he’s obviously remorseful.

No great relationship should end that suddenly and without warning, especially considering it happened a decade ago. I wouldn’t let this blimp ruin an otherwise good relationship with your brother. Forgive him.

Lost_vob −  YTA. Brother did you a HUGE favor. The cheating was ***a decade ago*** and ***wasn’t on him***. The fact that he got mad over something that happened before his is a GIANT red flag.

Frankly, I think your ex is the biggest a**hole of the 3 of you, and you’re lucky it ended now instead of later. I know you’re hurt, but you would have been hurt a lot worse if this relationship was allowed to continue.

wigglebuttbiscuits −  ESH. You s**k for kicking out your brother who has no other family for a dumb mistake during a drinking game. Your boyfriend sucks for dumping you over something you did nine years ago. Your brother sucks the least– he was being a j**k, but it’s not like he outed you for cheating on your current partner. He had no reason to think it would blow up your life like this.

RLRicki −  INFO – Did your brother know that your (ex) fiancé would have such a dramatic reaction? I am not going to go all the way to saying you’re an A – but I don’t think you should kick him out over this, especially if he didn’t know how virulently opposed to you ever having cheated your fiancé would be.

Your fiancé, though – that is a big reaction. I’m not sure 100% willing to call him an A either, but … he needs to figure himself out.

alwaysbiggertitties −  oof. ESH. The fiance should theoretically get over that insecurity, he is 28. OP is trying really hard to justify sweeping her action under the rug, stop. Since you knew the fiance’s stance on cheating, while you did not lie, you did not come clean from the get go.

The brother seems socially lacking by dropping the ball on an obvious reason OP cheated (on the game, lol). ​Hope it works our for you OP, talk to both people… explain your stance.

AimMick −  ESH. Unfortunately sometimes things we do in life catch up with us. Even stupid s**t we did as teens. Your brother was a j**k for spewing s**t when he was drunk. But really the a**hole here is the ex fiancé. You were 17. Teens make stupid decisions all the time.

For him to hold this against you and break things off from you is absolutely ridiculous. I think you may have dodged a bullet. I think kicking him out is pretty harsh.

280454 −  YTA your brother clearly meant no harm and you shouldn’t have hidden it from your fiancé when you knew how he felt about cheating. I feel like your fiancé may have understood if you told himself before. You ruined your own relationship, its not your brothers fault that you put him in that awkward situation and its spiteful to kick him out over this

number1wifey −  ESH, but I thought you had cheated on your fiancé, but no! Some high school brief relationship as a dumb teenager? If this is all it takes for your fiancé to leave you, it was not a good relationship, and you’ve dodged a bullet.

He had the right to be pissed, but if this is all it takes for him to leave then you were already doomed. Marriage is about thick and thin, good times and bad. Forgive your brother and move on.

Rectorol −  YTA, I’m sorry but from your description you know your fiance has trust issues and so you decided to not talk to him about your past? Your brother isn’t really an ass here the whole point of that game is to embarrass people… partaking in it willingness and consent to be embarrassed basically.

When you learned abour your ex’s past did you not think it relevamt to bring up yours? Killing your relationship with your brother over this is vindictive and while your hurt emotionally and sure have a reason to be upset and even angry, this sounds like you getting vengeance on your brother not sympathy.

Plazmuh −  It’s a difficult one but I think I’m shooting with YTA. Ultimately you are the one who cheated and in my opinion if you are engaged and looking to get married then that other person has a right to know whether or not you have cheated before.

I imagine your fiance ended it because he found out during an immature drinking game as opposed to you being honest and upfront with him way back when. I would be devastated if I found that out about my fiance god knows how many years in to the relationship.

I know you’re in a lot of pain right now but I would think long and hard about severing relations with your brother over what was a dumb, drunk, off the cuff comment. Did he know that your fiance was in the dark about that? Did he know how anti-cheat your ex-fiance is? If yes to both then maybe ESH.