AITA for kicking my wife out after she punched my mom in the face?
When emotions run high, it’s easy for things to spiral out of control. In this story, a husband finds himself in a tough spot after his wife punches his mother during a heated argument.
Despite siding with his wife in the end, he asked her to leave to process the situation. Now, his wife has handed him divorce papers, saying there’s no going back. Was he wrong for needing space, or did his decision push things too far?
‘AITA for kicking my wife out after she punched my mom in the face?’
My situation went from bad to worse in a matter of a week and I don’t know where else to turn. I need to know if I was wrong. Possibly a validation thing because life is fucking dumb right now. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and she just gave birth to our first (and last) baby 2 months ago. Up until my wife got pregnant, my mom loved her. I’m not sure wtf is wrong with my mom or why the switch happened but after my wife got pregnant, my mom started being very clingy to me and started avoiding my wife at all costs. Told everyone she wasn’t excited about the pregnancy, etc. I threatened to go no contact with her when my wife was about 7 months along and after that she snapped out of it for the most part and stopped being so ignorant. The comments 100% stopped, at least. Though she still was clinging to me.
Now, a week ago my mom, my sister, my sister’s husband and my sister’s daughter (12) came over for dinner. I prepared the meal. Before my wife could eat anything, our daughter got fussy so my wife excused herself to go feed the baby and get her down to sleep. I thought I prepared enough but apparently not because my niece was still “starving” (she’s 5’5″ and 190lbs, I haven’t seen her in a year and she was not that size then so I didn’t exactly portion in an extra 3 helpings for a child- so it’s on me).
I apologized and told her that I hadn’t made any more and offered her crackers, as I was putting my wife’s portion in the fridge. After that, I just went outside with my sister’s husband to smoke a cigarette and shoot the breeze. Didn’t think anything of it. But then I hear yelling from inside. When I walk in, my wife and my mom were screaming at each other. Apparently my mom (who saw me put my wife’s food away) gave my niece my wife’s portion of food. As I was walking inside, I heard my mom say “looks like you can afford to skip a meal” and slapped my wife’s stomach.
Right as soon as I get ready to step in (literally fast walking toward them yelling “enough”), my wife winds back and punches my mother square in the face and drops her. The whole house went silent outside of my mom crying and holding her face. I tell everyone to “get the fuck out”. Immediately everyone leaves and my wife just turns toward the counter and leans with her hands on the counter and face down, eyes closed. I look at my wife and say “you too, leave, now.” She says “really?” She’s crying at this point. I say a clipped “yup”. She packs up her and the baby and leaves.
I text her that night and say I just need space. I need to decompress and come to terms with what just happened. She doesn’t respond. The next 5 days I’m texting and calling and I get nothing. She shows up here today (so 8 days later) and hands me divorce paperwork and my baby and says “here, you have a bit to hang out with her while I pack. Where I’m breastfeeding we can work out a visitation schedule that is either at your place or my mother’s until she will take a bottle.” I told her that’s not what I want. I don’t want to separate. I just needed time to process her punching my mother in the face.
She said “you needing time to process gave me time to process the fact that I refuse to be in this situation any longer. I defended myself. I initially felt bad and remorseful but you making me leave when I needed you made me see more clear. I’m done. I’m sorry for what I did but there’s no fixing this.” She refused to speak to me at all the rest of the time that she was here. My house feels so empty and I don’t know what to do. AITA for making her leave after she punched my mom? I just needed some fucking space.
ETA: for the record, I am “team wife”. My mom deserved it, wholeheartedly, and I’ve blocked her completely from my life. I literally just needed time to process what happened. My wife is a lot of things, violent is not one of them. So this came completely out of left field and would not have happened without her being provoked. After it all happened, my mom sent me a text saying “See! I told you she was crazy! That fat bitch doesn’t belong in **our** life.” I’m willing to bet she purposely tried setting my wife off. So no, I’m on my wife’s side 100%. I truly just needed to process what happened and my wife took it as me giving up on her, not defending her and throwing her and our baby out (which did essentially happen because I knew she had to take the baby with her when I kicked her out).
eta: the reason “why”: my dad was stupid abusive. I was beat. My sister’s and brother were beat. My mom was put in the hospital multiple times. It took years for police to enforce restraining orders and he finally died in 2013. Violence scares the fuck out of me. I clam up and get anxious around violence of any kind now. My wife knows this and she too grew up with a violent dad (step dad) and she gets just as anxious and panicky around violence. Her punching my mom in the face triggered an anxious response and I needed her gone in that moment. I needed it far away from me.
I don’t know why I didn’t just leave. I could have. But in that moment I just let my emotions and fear run the whole fucking circus and told everyone to get out, her included. My mom did slap her first.. I guess for some reason I was seeing my wife’s punch as being worse than the slap. It wasn’t a hard slap but my wife did kind of wince, looking back on it now. She was fine following but my mom was bleeding. Split her eyebrow open in good shape. Idk.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
celticmusebooks – So… to recap: You allowed your mommy to verbally abuse your PREGNANT wife for MONTHS (but still invited her into YOUR WIFE’S home). You stood there while your mother insulted and PUNCHED YOUR WIFE in the abdomen where she’s been growing YOUR CHILD for the past nine months. Then when your PROVOKED wife defended herself from your bag of garbage mother you put your wife and child out of their home so you could process. SERIOUSLY, you put your wife and infant child out of THEIR HOME instead of YOU leaving to pull yourself together and stop being a mamma’s boy.
You showed your wife who you truly were that night. A “less than”. Not a real husband, not a real father, not a real man. How is she ever supposed to “unsee” that? YTA dude a HUGE AH.
Trailsya – Your bitch mom is the one who got physical first. YTA
My wife is a lot of things, violent is not one of them. So this came completely out of left field
Yeah, because she was DEFENDING herself from your mom
NickelPickle2018 – Processing what happened is one thing. But not supporting your wife and kicking her out is another. Your mom is out of line, if you would have checked her a long time ago it wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Your mom treated your wife poorly because YOU ALLOWED IT. Even your mom’s text that she sent you shows that she thinks that it’s ok to disrespect your wife. I guarantee your wife had been putting up with your mom’s crap for a long time. She’s had enough, you’re not going to win her back.
a-_rose – YTA your mother is an abusive pos and your wife reacted after she was provoked. You should have shut her down when she first start acting up. You should have set boundaries. You should have protected your wife who literally just grew and birth your child. You kicked your wife and baby out of their home. You need to process? Take a walk, go to a different room, watch a movie, see a friend. Congratulations you ruined your marriage over several months. This was the last straw that broke the camels back. Do the decent things and make separating easy.
biteme717 – YTA, you could have walked away and got space. There is no forgiveness because YOU KICKED YOUR WIFE AND NEWBORN BABY OUT. Happy divorce day, and I honestly don’t think that your wife will come back.
DarkmatterBlack – YTA. Your mother had been verbally abusing your wife for the entirety of her pregnancy, she did it again at that dinner WHEN SHE’S FREAKING TWO MONTHS POST-PARTUM and then goes and slaps her stomach, and you’re the one that needed time to “process” the fact that she had enough and stood up for herself since you have been a lukewarm support for her?
Yeah, I applaud her for choosing her life and safety, and the baby’s as well. Hope she gets full custody, because I’m sure as hell no judge would allow a baby near that batshit crazy mother of yours.
Bonnm42 – YTA where to begin!? First off, your Mother harassed your wife for 7 MONTHS just for being pregnant, before you took action. Your Wife went to breastfeed your child, and your Mother stole her food. Your Mother of all people should understand how women who breastfeed need to keep their milk supply up and need to eat regularly. Instead of apologizing for stealing your poor wife’s food, she slaps her stomach and says she can afford to skip a meal….
When your Wife finally stands up for herself, because you didn’t do so sufficiently.. you kick her out of her house and effectively, since she’s breastfeeding your BABY?!!! If you needed space, YOU should have left. It sounds like you were fine when your Wife was dealing with you and your families BS, but you couldn’t handle that she (finally) punched your Mommy? Dude you’re not getting her back. Best advice, give your Wife what she wants in the divorce. You owe her that after everything you put her through. Smh
