AITA for kicking my sister out of my family gathering after comment about adopted son?

A Redditor shared a story about family tensions resurfacing during his birthday barbecue. Years ago, he adopted his late ex’s child, Keith, who was fathered by his sister’s former fiancé. His sister never accepted the adoption and was furious when she saw Keith at the gathering, making a hurtful remark about him not being “family.”

The Redditor, prioritizing his sons’ well-being, asked her to leave, but now faces backlash from his family for not trying to work things out. Read the full story below and see if his actions were justified.

‘ AITA for kicking my sister out of my family gathering after comment about adopted son?’

Some feel I (32M) should’ve handled the situation but I don’t see how I’m wrong. Me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. I had my son Jesse (9) pretty young. Months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again.

Only I knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in s**. And we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. It hurt. Worst pain ever but for my son’s sake I tried to get past it.

I come from a family of half sibs too so I wanted my son to be close to his half brother (Keith). Surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents.

Both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. He got locked up when Keith was 3. This particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: My ex got sick, she was scared of Keith ending up in foster care like her and I didn’t want that for him either. I legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6.

Not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard *not* to love so they warmed up to him. My sister never did. She hated that I brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. And I understood why it was painful but Keith’s and Jesse’s best interest were my main priority. That’s how we drifted apart.

Last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. My parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. I thought that meant she was cool with Keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal.

I asked my parents how would she feel about Keith, they said not to worry about it. Again I took it as she came around. Only she wasn’t told he would also be present. But how could he not be? He lives there. My sister got there and she was mad when she saw him .

She very specifically said “I thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” Loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother. My sister was pissed because my parents told her Keith wouldn’t be around. And I got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it.

So I just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. There was some back and forth from her and my parents. I didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. My mom seems to think I was a huge a**hole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out.

Like they take Keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. But to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? Well this is still causing some conflict since I “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

First_Pomegranate955 −  NTA.. regardless of what happened in the past between consenting adults, Kieth is a child and is absolutely innocent. Bless you OP for having such a huge heart and opening up your home to another son! You rock!

leslielaughs −  Let me get this straight – essentially, the *same exact thing* happens to both you and your sister – you were both cheated on – and you do a remarkably decent thing and adopt the child that resulted from it yet she can’t even be in the same room as said child?

Why does she think her pain from said incident is so much more traumatic than yours? Does she even realize, comparatively speaking, what a petty little human she must be? Dude, you are so NTA and kudos for being a generally good human – we need more people like you in the world today.

Berlin-Angel −  NTA. Why did your parents tell her, Keith would not be around? This makes no sense. And then saying you are an A\*hole? Not fair! You did the right thing in that situation. But try to talk to your sister and tell her, he is your kid! And if she does not want to see him it’ll be quite possile you see each other “never again”.

7thatsanope −  NTA, But everyone else other than you (and the kids) sure are. Keith is your son’s brother and even if he weren’t, he’s an innocent child who has no responsibility for his terrible birth parents. **You adopting him was such a wonderful thing to do.**

You protected an innocent child from a lifetime of suffering the consequences of his birth parents bad choices and protected your son’s ability to have a relationship with his brother.

It is understandable that your sister would have a hard time with the reminder of what her ex-fiancé did to her, but that’s not the child’s fault or responsibility, there’s no involvement with her ex, and she’s had years* to deal with it and get over it. **Keith never did anything to her and her attitude toward him is disgusting.**

**Your parents tried to bring the two of you together by lying to both of you** about the main source of your conflict. **That was incredibly stupid and guaranteed to blow up.** The nerve of them to get mad at you for throwing your sister out when she behaved exactly as would have been expected had your parents been honest.

Had they been honest, you would not have invited her and this whole incident would have never happened. Your sister reacting badly is expected because she too was lied to. She was told Keith wouldn’t be there and was blindsided when he was. Her attitude toward him is disgusting but her reaction to being blindsided like that is also completely predictable.

Had your parents not lied to her, she wouldn’t have accepted the invite and this whole incident never would have happened. And now your mom blames you and is calling you the a**hole when **the entire confrontation was your parents doing by choosing to lie to both of her children in a way she knew would escalate the conflict even more than it already was.**

Overall, I’d say your parents and your sister are pretty equal on the a**hole scale, but **for this particular incident, your parents win the position of top assholes.**

PastaBanditz −  NTA. It’s your son. He’s not optional. He’s part of the package deal and he is very much so family.

PJ_fan −  NTA, but your parents are. They ambushed your sister by lying about where Keith would be. She clearly has unresolved issues about her ex and she reacted emotionally. The situation escalated and your parent are placing blame on the wrong person.

Your parents are responsible for what happened, not you, but also not your sister. She needs to get help so she can deal with Keith being in her family and her life forever, and until then you’re right to keep her away from him. You’re awesome for adopting Keith btw, what a selfless, honourable thing to do.

HumblePossibility548 −  NTA; I just wanna say how amazing it was for you to step up and give this kid a better life even though he wasn’t yours and now is. Secondly, she needs to grow up and understand that your son was not at fault for anything.

Charlieuk −  Absolutely NTA. The fact your sister expected you to remove your son, a child, from his home so she can attend a party is insane. It’s not the child’s fault who his bio parents are and anyone with Ill will towards an innocent child because they dislike their parents needs to grow up. You did nothing wrong, you protected your son.

Icy-Cold8692 −  NTA. Good job for defending your sons. Your sister should be ashamed for how she treats this child. I understand he can represent a bad time for her but it isn’t his fault and he doesn’t know what’s going on.

You are exactly right, you can’t fix how your sister feels and you sure aren’t gonna ask a child to leave so it had to be her and besides you don’t need someone around that’s going to make your son feel bad. Your parents are also major AH because you tried to confirm that your sister was ok with Keith but instead they outright lied to everyone

[Reddit User] −  You are NTA. While, your sister sister is an AH for telling something horrible which could’ve been potentially heard by Keith, I believe your parents are even more so. They told her Keith wouldn’t be there. They lied to get her up there and THAT led to this.

While I sympathize with you on the situation, your sister may never see Keith as family. You may never be close to your sister as a result. It’s a fact and your parents should accept the fact rather than try to mend it and make it even more worse. Communicate to your parents and be firm.

Do you think the Redditor was right to kick out his sister for her disrespectful comment, or should he have tried to resolve the conflict for the sake of family peace? How would you handle a family member rejecting your adopted child? Share your thoughts below!