AITA for kicking my girlfriend out of my place on New Year’s Eve for scaring my little brother?

A Reddit user shares a difficult situation where they kicked their girlfriend out of their home on New Year’s Eve after discovering that she had harshly scolded their 12-year-old brother, who they had become the legal guardian of after their father’s death.

The girlfriend told the grieving boy that he should be grateful to live with them and threatened to have him placed in foster care. After confronting her, the user decided to ask her to leave, but now friends are criticizing him for making her spend the holiday alone. The user seeks advice on whether they were wrong for this decision.

‘ AITA for kicking my girlfriend out of my place on New Year’s Eve for scaring my little brother?’

We can all agree 2020 was a s**t year. Particularly for my (29m) family. We lost our dad beginning of the year after he had a heart attack and my little brother (12) had no one to take care of him. Our mom died when he was 3 so our dad was all we had left.

I fought for custody and was appointed his legal guardian. Honestly it hasn’t been easy. We’re still adjusting to these life changes and my brother is taking it the hardest. For months he was just not himself. Bad attitude, lashing out. I got him in therapy because I knew he was just hurting, plus stress of pandemic.

His behavior has improved so much since then, even if sometimes there’s days where he’s withdrawn. Days before Christmas he was feeling sad since it was our first holiday w/o dad. That day, he asked to be left alone. We had a talk to discuss his feelings and I gave him his space after that.

My girlfriend was over that day and I went out to buy groceries. When I got back my brother was out of his room and helping out. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Yesterday my brother and I were out having some guy time before going back home to get ready for NYE.

My brother opened up about how grateful he is for everything and he hopes that I don’t change my mind about taking care of him. I asked why he’d think that and he told me what happened.

That day when I was out my GF went to his room to tell him he needs to change his attitude and stop moping (her exact words)because he should be grateful I’m taking care of him at all. And that we can still hand him over to the state if we wanted to.

I was furious about this and had to reassure him that was never gonna happen because he really was worried about it. We went home, I confronted my GF and she didn’t deny it. She told me it’s true and there was nothing wrong with telling him to stop acting like that when he should be grateful I “gave up my life” to take care of him.

And the thing about giving him up isn’t that big of a deal to her because it’s not like I’ll actually do it. I said she still scared him with that threat and told her to leave my apartment because honestly, I was far too mad and because I didn’t want her to be near him right now. She started crying, there was more fighting but she left in the end. It was just me and my brother for New Years.

Since last night I’ve been bombarded with calls from all our friends for kicking her out knowing she has no family and nobody else to spend the holiday with. Everyone has sided with her and even my best friend says I may have overreacted by making her leave when she probably thought she was helping.

They’ve heard my side of the story but still think I was an ass for making her cry and spending the new year alone. I’m having trouble seeing how I could be so here I am looking for internet strangers to weigh in on this.

UPDATE: OK wow this has gotten a TON of feedback. Thanks everyone for your kind and encouraging words. I might not have replied to a lot of the comments that made me smile but just know that I read an appreciate them!

I know I only posted this a few hours ago but I’ve had a day to clear my head and really think about this. I talked to my brother because I wanted to know if she’s said anything else to him. Thankfully she hasn’t and we had another serious chat to remind him everything she told him is completely false. I would never in a million years give him up and that shouldn’t have been put in his head.

Another thing I told him was that I’m grateful he’s here with me. Without him I wouldn’t have made it through the year and I thanked him for giving me that strength to keep going. Someone who DM’d me suggested reassuring him that he’s not somehow “ruining” my life incase he feels any guilt for what she told him. Thank you for that suggestion!

Now, I know you were all waiting on this news. Yes, I did break up with her. Thinking about what a lot of you said, talking to my brother about how this made him feel, and my own thoughts about how badly she acted, I decided that’s not someone I want around me or him. I can’t risk her doing something like this again and ruining any progress he makes in therapy.

I know many of you think I should’ve done it on the spot, but I wanted to make this decision with a clear head and not when my emotions were extremely high. She came by my place earlier and we talked outside. Her reaction was as bad as you’d expect and she STILL believed she did nothing wrong, even after I explained it all to her.

There was just no making her understand and I told her it was over. I gave her a couple of her things that were lying around my apartment and she left. My phone started going off like an hour later so I had to put it on Do Not Disturb. That’s all the drama I could handle for one night. I’ll deal with my friends some other time. Honestly, I’m exhausted. Mentally and emotionally drained right now.

I think this weekend we’ll do something to get our minds off this. I definitely need it after everything and I know my brother does too. It’s been a hard year already without all this extra drama. Anyways sorry for the really long update you guys but I didn’t want to leave anyone hanging.

I’m sure more comments will keep coming. I probably won’t be sleeping much tonight so I’ll keep my mind busy by reading and replying to more of you. Thanks again for the support! What a s**tty way to start the new year but here’s hoping for better things 🙂

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Amara_Undone −  In what world are you the arse in this scenario? Time to get new friends to go along with a new girlfriend cuz none of the current ones sound up to snuff. NTA at all, you were protecting Your brother, a vulnerable child whose only stability is you now.

stares-motherfuckily −  NTA. Your brother comes first. That day when I was out my GF went to his room to tell him he needs to change his attitude and stop moping (her exact words)because he should be grateful I’m taking care of him at all. And that we can still hand him over to the state if we wanted to. That is beyond fucked up of her to say.

mathxjunkii −  NTA….. how is everyone siding with her? She must have told some twisted version of the story to your friends.

StAlvis −  NTA. What an **utterly horrible** thing to do a child who’s lost his parents. I confronted my GF and she didn’t deny it Has she expressed even the *slightest hint* of remorse since then? Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t kicked her out of more than just your apartment; is there still a place for her in your life at all after this kind of behavior?

[Reddit User] −  Oh wow NTA. When I read the title I thought you meant she jump scared him or something along those lines. Since last night I’ve been bombarded with calls from all our friends for kicking her out knowing she has no family and nobody else to spend the holiday with. I find this hilarious considering she this is essentially what she threatened a 12 year old boy with.

classielassie −  So NTA, your (hopefully ex) GF certainly is, though. She waited until you were out of the house and she could verbally, emotionally, and mentally abuse your brother without interference.

Your “friends” have no clue how much loosing 1 parent affects children, let alone both in a short period; not even getting into the mental and emotional trauma being physically cut off from friends and activities (and possibly moving in with you and having to change schools without being able to develop new friendships before going virtual) due to the hellscape of the past 9 months.

You need better friends. You are a great person and brother for stepping up. If he (and you) aren’t already in grief therapy, look into it (especially for him, and the 1st person may not be the best fit).

slytherinslt −  NTA, you were nicer than most people in your situation would have been. The fact that she has no family and STILL said that to your brother makes it even worse!

Avebury1 −  You are NTA but your girlfriend sure is. When someone shows you who they are believe them. You really need to rethink your relationship with her because your priority should be your brother. I would be concerned about having her around your brother when you are not there.

She waited until you were not around to threaten a 12 year old with abandonment. Considering your comment that she had no family and no where to go it is unfathomable that she could be so cruel to your brother. She may switch to more covert tactics to destroy your brother in the hopes that he will act out enough that you will send him away.

The fact that she worded it as we can send him away is very telling. She has no say in your decision to care for your brother. It sounds like she wants to make his m go away. Think about if you were to have a child together how she would treat your brother.

vickynix11 −  NTA, if have dumped her ass then and there

Lgreenho −  NTA. Dear lord, she terrorized a mourning child! Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Was the user right to prioritize his brother’s emotional well-being over his girlfriend’s feelings, or did he overreact by asking her to leave during the holiday season? Do you think it was an appropriate decision to break up with her afterward? Share your thoughts and experiences below!