AITA for keeping my life the same now that my dad’s married and his wife wants us to be a family?

A Reddit user shared their struggle with a strained relationship involving their father, who recently remarried, and their father’s new wife. Despite the stepmom’s efforts to create a family bond, the 17-year-old prefers spending time with the maternal grandparents who raised him.

The stepmom is hurt by his unwillingness to participate, but the user feels their connection with their grandparents is non-negotiable. Read the original story below to weigh in on this complex situation.

‘ AITA for keeping my life the same now that my dad’s married and his wife wants us to be a family?’

My mom died when I (17m) was a baby and my dad didn’t step up so my maternal grandparents did. They helped take care of me for dad and when I started school I’d go to their house until 7 or 8pm those days. The older I got the more time I spent with them. I technically lived with my dad but he wasn’t a very good dad and he didn’t ever try to be one.

Without my grandparents I’m not sure where I would have been. Probably neglected and taken into foster care if my dad was the only person in my life. His family aren’t the best so I never spent much time with them. I still spend any free time I’m not hanging with friends, with my grandparents. I go to their house every day.

I’ll eat dinner with them and lunch and dinner on weekends if I’m not busy. I spend holidays with them and sometimes I just spend the night there. We talked about me moving all my stuff over but on a weird chance dad would be thinking they could try for child support, we didn’t want to rock the boat. My dad started dating something 3 or 4 years ago.

I don’t pay that much attention. She moved in with him in May and they got married in September. She has kids. I don’t know the first thing about her or her kids. But she’s attempted to spend time with me and she’s attempted to invite me in. I told her I was good and didn’t want to get involved. Her kids will also try to hang out with me and asked me to go do stuff with them.

Dad goes with them for “family time” and his wife has tried to include me but I always go to my grandparents instead. I had a three day sleepover with my grandparents for Christmas. Before I left my dad’s wife told me she wanted me to stay and be with the family for Christmas. I told her I was going to be with my family.

She said she and her kids wanted to get to know me and be included in that. I told her she was nice but I wasn’t interested and she should have figured it out when she didn’t meet me when she was only dating my dad and I was never involved in that. She said we could still make something great and I said no.

When I got back from my grandparents house she was clearly annoyed but kept out of my way. Some of her family were visiting for dinner and I went to my grandparents again. She approached me afterward and told me I could try to spend some time with them and make room. She said it makes her and her kids feel like s**t when I won’t change even the smallest thing to try and make this work.

She said all they wanted was for us to be a family and she knows my dad hasn’t been the greatest to me but I could have her and her kids. She said she saw from my face I didn’t want it but wanted me to know none of it was their fault and the least I could do was give them some time.. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Last-Box-1265 −  Where is your dad in all of this? Sounds like she’s wanting a family with you but why? Where is he? Family starts with him and I’m assuming based on his previous behaviours that that ship has sailed?

I would be continuing to do what you’re doing – you don’t owe anything to her or her kids or your dad – but your grandparents sounds like gems and I’d be making the most of all the time you have with them as (I’m not sure of their ages) mine were all gone by the time I was 21. NTA.

gringaellie −  Start moving stuff out of the house to your grandparents’ place. Important stuff too like social security card, birth certificate, any other certificates you have, medical records etc. Chances are you could end up staying with your grandparents now and your dad would no longer care.

agnesperditanitt −  NTA. Imagine dating a guy who’s a single das and never meeting his child in the 4 years of dating, then even marrying this walking, breathing deadbeat and then expecting this abandoned child to play family with you and your children. And this guy, this “father”, isn’t even part of the discussion. Does he even remember that he has a child? The delusion is strong in this woman.

Frankifile −  The woman knows she married a s**t dad. Why she’s expecting you to jump at the chance of playing happy families with her (a complete stranger to you) makes no sense. How old are her children? Are they of an age that need babysitting?

Swiss_Miss_77 −  NTA. Time to move that stuff you have been waiting on…you are 18 in less than a year, just finish it off, move in with Grandma and Grandpa, solves the wanna be stepmom issue easily. No judge is gonna make you go back.

Heck, would be a miracle if it even makes it before a judge, assuming your dad even cares to fight it. Wait til she and your dad and the kids are out of the house, and then just move out. Get a crew of your friends and go for it in one shot. Remove anything super important on the DL immediately.

imachillin −  NTA and this woman is as much a walking red flag as your “dad”. She married him without ever meeting you? What in the actual hell? Yeah this lady is a little crazy and her poor kids are taking her side because they don’t know any better.

True your past situation isn’t their fault but that doesn’t mean you owe them anything. You don’t seem resentful which amazes me but that’s good on you! I’d say go live with grandparents but I agree rocking that boat when your so close to 18 isn’t worth the drama. Just keep being civil and you’ll be out of there soon enough. Good luck and NTA. Happy New Year!!!

DivineTarot −  She said all they wanted was for us to be a family and she knows my dad hasn’t been the greatest to me but I could have her and her kids. She said she saw from my face I didn’t want it but wanted me to know none of it was their fault and the least I could do was give them some time.. Guuuiiiiilt trip\ A refusal to bond is not a punishment to the individual.

She hasn’t done anything wrong, but she isn’t entitled to your presence either just because she married your dad. You are basically months from adulthood, you’ve had to more or less persist in spite of your father being trash, and the way she glosses over the elephant in this particular room is kinda telling. She’s taking this all more personally than she really has any justification to.. NTA

LegitimateMove7645 −  NTAH she’s looking for future childcare disguised as bonding

U_Wont_Remember_Me −  NTA. Your father’s negligence and your adaption to his negligence means that you see your grandparents as your parents. They took care of you, they listened to you, they raised you. Your father didn’t. Now he has a fiancé that wants to please your father by making happy family. So your father is getting her to do the parenting.

Bcuz he’s either incapable or disinterested. Probably believing that it’s women’s work to raise children. So his fiancé is supposed to raise you while he still doesn’t? I feel sorry for his fiancé cuz at least she’s trying. Thing is your father has put her in the middle of a situation he created and refuses to address.

OkLocksmith2064 −  NTA. You’re deeply hurt and I cannot understand a woman who dates a dad likes yours. She’s a single mom and wants a provider, I get that. But … She’s as an AH as your dad. That she approached and not your dad, that she wanted to talk and not your dad…

That would hurt me all over again. I recommend therapy for you, if it’s affordable. And move in with your grandparents so your new step mom and step siblings can play happy family with your dad without you interfering.. Cut ties.

Do you think the Redditor is justified in prioritizing his bond with his grandparents over forming new connections with his father’s wife and her children? Should he try to build a relationship with his stepfamily, or is it fair to maintain his boundaries? Share your thoughts below!