AITA for inviting my (29M) Girlfriend (28F) on an expensive vacation and expecting her to pay all of her share? (I make a lot more than her)?

A Reddit user sparked a debate after sharing a vacation experience where his girlfriend struggled to afford the expensive activities and meals planned by his affluent family.

Despite their agreement to split costs equally, her discomfort raised questions about fairness and long-term compatibility. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for inviting my (29M) Girlfriend (28F) on an expensive vacation and expecting her to pay all of her share? (I make a lot more than her)?’

Hello. My girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. My brother and I were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input.

For background, I make around $150,000k as an IT consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. My parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law.

My girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. We have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together.

There were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. She also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget.

My family does favor more high-end (\*expensive\*) places. My parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3.

When we got home I asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- I mentioned how I heard her stomach growling one night and said I was concerned about her having an eating disorder.

She got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn’t fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). She said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was o**rwhelmed.

She also said she doesn’t know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. I feel bad that I did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. But we did agree to split everything 50/50 and I don’t know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Sleepy_felines −  YTA. You make three times what she does. You knew she had to take a second job to be able to go. You planned the holiday/the activities. She even said while you were there that she could only afford to eat two meals a day.

Don’t plan for your budget when you know she makes so much less than you. I think it’s safe to say she didn’t enjoy the holiday at all. She probably found it stressful to work out what she could afford, and embarrassing to have to skip meals.

[Reddit User] −  YTA Dude come on, your gf had to take a second job to keep up with your family. You heard her stomach yt you didn’t think she may not have the cash? God, your not the brightest are you. You make over 100,000 more than her and don’t even treat her to a holiday. Ya it’s not going to work. Your blind to your gfs struggling. Help her

Historical-Ad1493 −  YTA 100%. She went because she loves your stupid ass. She worked a second job and went hungry to be with you and your family. Maybe you and your family should have some empathy and consider that not everyone is making six figures.

Teachers are drastically underpaid for their education and often have to take a second job. Public servants who teach children are devalued and in this case her own boyfriend AND his family couldn’t care less that she was making huge sacrifices to attend. Your job is to be a good partner. You failed.

strikingfirefly −  YTA and other commenters have done a good job of explaining why so I’m just going to respond to you “I don’t know why she agreed to come” line. Uh… because you’re her boyfriend and she wants a life with you rather than two separate lives due to your income disparity?

She’s right. This is never going to work long term if you can’t either a.) partially pay for her or b.) reduce the cost of the things you do so that she can afford to pay her portion. Where exactly do you see this going otherwise?

This girl worked two jobs and ate 2 meals a day to spend a vacation with you and your family and all you can say is “well she just should have stayed home”?

Sumiko25 −  Forget being YTA , you made your girl work an extra job and left her starving in her room alone…. as her BF you didn’t once feel the need to take care of her? You literally left your women hungry and alone …. who does that to the person they love. I hope she leaves your ass

Literally_-_Hitler −  YTA. It’s pretty disgusting that she is willing to jump through all these hoops, miss meals, skip events, put herself in debt, all to spend time with you. But you with all your wealth aren’t willing to even buy her lunch.

Sometimes being part of a relationship means giving up something you have to show how special the other person is to you. It sounds to me like you would be totally ok with her telling you up front that she will not go on the vacation because she can’t afford it. Meaning you would still go and leave her behind. That’s not a real relationship.

The right thing to do would have been to offer to help pay the moment you found out she planned to get a second job just to spend extra time with you. You don’t love or care about her which is the bottom line. The more a man loves a woman the more of him he wants to give to her.

highwoodshady −  Wow YTA you sound like a pompous ass. To be fair she should have just stayed home because she could not afford to pay for a vacation you and your brother planned without any consideration for her finacial situation.

Don’t worry, I suspect she’ll be your ex-girlfriend soon. “My family does favor more high-end (*expensive*) places. My parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3. ”

Are you obtuse? You don’t make reservations where someone on the trip can not afford. As I said, she’ll be well rid of you shortly and you will be a someone she and her friends joke about when they play “can you top this j**k I dated”.

[Reddit User] −  **Your incomes are not 50/50, so why do you expect your financial contributions to be that way?** She’s trying her best to participate with you all on gatherings and trips, even taking on extra work to help pay for it. I don’t get it. You could easily pay her way, and it’d be no skin off your teeth.. YTA and soon to be single.

work_fruit −  YTA – You saw her skipping meals and at no point said “It’s okay, this one’s on me.” You let her take on a second job when it’s something YOU invited HER to, not that she was asking you to spoil her. If you guys are doing 50/50 it would make a lot more sense that you at least pay 3x as much as her to account for what portion of your pay it takes up.

It’s probably embarrassing for her to admit this is all expensive, but also seriously- man up and just pay. I would have dumped you after thr first such outing if I were her.

TheVue221 −  YTA. You know she really had no idea how much things were going to cost. She makes $45k a year she hasn’t been living the highlife in another country.

I can’t imagine going on a vacation with my SO, someone I care about (do you?), then all jaunting off for expeditions and leaving her alone for 1/2 the time. Then taking her to restaurants you know she can’t afford .

And watching her starve herself to be able to go the other 2 times…? Surely you are making this up. You can’t be this clueless at age 29. I think this is so fake but here’s your judgement

Do you think the 50/50 agreement was fair given the significant income disparity, or should compromises have been made? How would you handle financial expectations in a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments below!