AITA for inviting all but one girl to my daughter’s birthday?

A Redditor is facing a dilemma after deciding to invite all but one girl to her daughter Mary’s 10th birthday party. Although Mary is friends with Ella, she is fearful of inviting her due to a past incident involving Ella’s mother, who reacted aggressively after a minor accident at a previous party.

Despite the mother’s attempts to reach out for a second chance, the Redditor stands firm in her decision, leading her to question whether she is in the wrong for excluding Ella. Read the original story below.

‘ AITA for inviting all but one girl to my daughter’s birthday?’

I \[31F\] have a daughter, Mary \[9F\]. She is quite popular and is friends with all of the other children in her class. My daughter is turning 10 this weekend, and wanted to have a party with all of the children in her class at a local kid’s venue, as she has had in previous years. However, she didn’t want to invite a girl called Ella \[9F\].

Last year, Ella (who was new to the class) was invited to her Birthday party. Ella is a lovely girl, and her and my daughter actually get along really well, the real issue is the girl’s mother. During the last party, Ella fell over and grazed her knee, she cried a little but I put a plaster on it and she was back to playing in no time.

However, when Ella’s mum came to collect her after the party and I explained what happened, she lost it. Her daughter was trying to say it was fine, but she cursed me and multiple parents out in front of the children and tried to complain to the school.

As close and my daughter and Ella are, Mary is now scared of Ella’s mum and is worried that the same thing will happen again if Ella is invited. When I sent out invites this Monday, I did so privately to that Ella wouldn’t find out, and I told everyone to please not mention it to everyone saying that I wanted something smaller this year.

However I received a message from Ella’s mother in which she was very angry and very rude. She called me a narcissistic b**ly and even suggested that the fact her daughter wasn’t invited was racially motivated. I messaged back and explained it was because of what happened last year, however she kept on insisting that was my fault.

She sent me another message today saying that she has mental health problems and can’t control herself sometimes, and asking for a second chance, but I said no and asked her not to contact me unless she really needed to. I still feel bad for Ella, and now I am wondering, AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Far_Hat_8303 −  Reserving judgement because this is a tough situation. It would be a kindness to Ella to tell her mom that she is welcome at the party if someone else picks her up and drops her off.

DragonFireLettuce −  NTA – I feel like everyone is missing the point. Your daughter asked you if she could NOT invite Ella to her party. These are your daughter’s wishes. You’re honoring your daughter’s request. And respecting her choices. She’s not doing it because she’s trying to b**ly Ella or harm another child.

She’s doing it because she’s afraid of an adult. And you’re protecting her. I don’t care what anyone else says – this is how I see this situation and frankly – respecting your child’s autonomy and wishes for her own birthday is stellar parenting. Keep it up mom!

MacabreFascinations −  NTA – I truly don’t get all the Y T A and E S H votes, obviously this situation isn’t fair on Ella but what’s the alternative? Either she is invited and they risk a situation like last year or she isn’t invited and is upset. It’s a lose lose scenario, but I’d argue OP chose the lesser of two evils.

watchingindc −  NTA. For Ella’s mum, her response to the current birthday was her second chance. Your daughter is scared of an adult, and inviting someone to her birthday will bring that adult.

If you want to try to see if playing with Ella is possible again, make a playdate at some park somewhere where the kids can play on the playground while you talk to her. Don’t create the possibility of ruining your daughter’s birthday, especially since it’d go directly against what your daughter has asked for.

Zestyclose_Bird_742 −  A mother who sometimes can’t control herself due to mental reasons DOESNT sound safe

RelevantSchool1586 −  NTA. If mother has mental health issues, she should get herself some treatment. From what I gather, she never apologized for doing what she did, so she shouldn’t be surprised for being left out. Also, at 10 years old, Ella is old enough to understand that, without going into much detail, she wasn’t invited because of what her mother did the previous year

Jerseygirl2468 −  I feel like if you’re inviting every kid in the class, you have to invite EVERY kid in the class. Otherwise drop it down to a smaller group. I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with her mother, but I feel bad for Ella.

soulure −  NTA – “She called me a narcissistic b**ly” – that’s certainly one way to confirm you made the right decision.

Legitimate-Hurry6105 −  Its a really hard one tbh, it seems mean that her kid should suffer because of her mothers issues especially as they are friends otherwise, id say esh for that but, couldnt you not involve her mother so she cant scare your daughter and someone else pick her up or something ?

FragrantOpportunity3 −  Seems everyone in the world has mental health issues and that’s why they behave badly.

Do you think the mother made the right choice by excluding Ella from the party due to concerns about her mother’s behavior, or do you believe she should have given Ella another chance? How would you handle a similar situation with a friend’s parent? Share your thoughts below!