AITA for insisting my friend can’t take an art class where my son is modeling?

A concerned mother is uneasy about her friend Joan, known for being flirtatious and inappropriate at times, signing up for an art class where her son (19) will be modeling nude. Although her son enjoys modeling and finds the experience positive, the mother finds Joan’s behavior “cringy” and inappropriate,

worried Joan’s interest in the class isn’t genuine. She wonders if she would be wrong to interfere by either asking Joan not to take the class or asking her son to skip modeling. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for insisting my friend can’t take an art class where my son is modeling?’

My (43F) friend Joan (45-ish F) is “that friend.” She is just very extra in every sense. She’s outspoken. Loud. Always the center of attention. I have to admit me and my friends think she can be fun to be around to a degree, but is often a bit much. My husband can’t really stand her.

She is also something of a cougar (self described). She’s divorced and is always chasing younger men (mostly unsuccessfully) and her talk tends to be on the bawdy side. One of the art museums in our city offers classes, all kinds. One of the classes they frequently offer is a Figure Drawing class.

Fine, I’m not an artist (I’ve tried! I can’t draw a straight line) but I know that is important to those who are. A year or so ago my son Sam (19M) actually volunteered as a life model for those classes.

The museum had put out a call for models and since they were looking for athletic types (there was some kind of Greek athletes theme to the class I think), he and his best friend who is also a teammate at school volunteered, they basically dared each other, I think.

Sam actually enjoyed doing it, and they paid pretty well. Sam actually thought it was highway robbery to just hang around and be still with his clothes off for an hour twice a week and then get a check. Hey, more power to him, he has never been shy.

Well, even though I never mentioned the classes OR Sam’s involvement, Joan has signed up for this class. What?? Joan always likes to insert herself in “community things” and thinks she is some kind of society maven, but as far as I know she has never had any artistic leanings whatsoever.

I think this is just an excuse for her inner cougar to come out and for her to have an excuse to be around n**ed young guys. Ewww. In fact I know that’s the case. When she mentioned she was taking the class, I said “Oh. Wait, no, Sam is modeling in that class.”

Joan gave a faux-shocked face and said “Ohhh IS he?” and smiled with raised eyebrows. Ewww again. Joan has never said anything OVERTLY wildly inappropriate about Sam before, but she has made some comments about him (and his friends) that I’d consider more than borderline.

I would rather that she not be involved with this at all, or that Sam would not model for the upcoming round of classes. Would I be an a**hole if I “stepped in” and put an end to this in one way or the other?

My husband agrees that it is all very cringy, but I also think I would be an a**hole if I didn’t just mind my own business and stay out of it. I really want to insist she not take it though, or that Sam doesn’t model this round. I definitely don’t want to tell Sam that he can’t do it, but it might come to that..

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

KaliTheBlaze −  What if you told Sam how you feel and why and let him make his own decision? “My friend Joan has made some rather…off color comments about you and your friends in the past. She chases young men regularly, whether they want it or not.

I just found out that she’s taking the figure drawing class you often model for on <dates she’ll be there . She was rather inappropriate when I realized you’d be modeling, and I’m concerned that her behavior will be way out of line at the class because she already knows you. I don’t feel good about the situation.”

He can decide whether he still wants to model, knowing that she may be all over him, or whether he’d like to cater to your comfort (and possibly his own).
Having said that, I’m pretty grossed out that you’ve stayed friends with someone who pervs on your son and his friends.

That’s creepy and gross. If we reversed the genders, everyone would rightly be calling you out on this. So YTA for that.

Suitable-Park184 −  Eww. Your friend is gross. That’s your kid. They’re both adults, there’s really nothing for you to do here except decide if she’s really someone you want to be friends with. YWBTA if you interfere with your son’s job in any way.

Your son should tell their boss if your friend or any student is making him uncomfortable. The models aren’t there to be gawked at or hit on.

bubblesthehorse −   “Ohhh IS she?” your male friend winks when you tell him your daughter is modeling n**ed in the art class he’s about to take.
does that seem right? is that someone you’d be friends with?. esh

sarita_sy07 −  Not gonna lie, in this post you’re coming off as pretty judgmental toward someone you call a “friend.” It’s not a great look, and is probably gonna color a lot of the responses you’ll get.  For now I say INFO– how does Sam feel about it?

(Does he know Joan at all?) I think there’s room for you to go to *him* and say “hey I just found out my friend signed up for your class and wanted to make sure you’re okay with that. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, I can ask if she’ll move to a different one.” But if Sam isn’t bothered by it, then I think you really need to let this go. 

cardboard_pyramid −  NTA. Your son is modeling to help art students, not get leered at. The comments on this post are ridiculous. If the genders were reversed and a 45 year old man was perving on his friend’s 19 year old daughter everybody would rightfully be enraged.

anillop −  NTA that lady is gross. Classic case of switch the genders and you know the reactions would be outrage at that pervy old man looking at your n**ed daughter.

LawyerDad1981 −  I know people EXACTLY like Joan. I think it depends a bit on how “overt” her past comments have been, and whether you seriously think she’s taking this class just to have a gawk. OR perhaps she is doing it just to yank your chain and get a rise out of you.

One of my wife’s friends is like that, and we distanced ourselves from her. Once when she came over my son and couple of friends were playing basketball by the garage (shirtless and sweaty). She said she got delayed coming in because “there was too much eye candy in the driveway.”

Another time she was there and son and one friend were out by our pool. This woman looked out the window and actually said “I need to have them come in the kitchen and help me make a sandwich.” I think she stole that line from a movie but that doesn’t make it any more comfortable. And they were about 16 at the time.

meeralakshmi −  I can’t believe that this sub is actually defending someone in their 40s preying on barely legal individuals just because she’s a woman and her victims are male. If this was a middle-aged man preying on very young women (including his friend’s 19-year-old daughter) people would be demanding that he be thrown in prison.

No one hesitates to call Leonardo DiCaprio a predator nowadays, how is this woman any different? To OP, YTA if you don’t cut ties with this predator immediately (especially based on your update).

Nahtaniel696 −  NTA. Reverse the gender, and I’m sure much more people would not hesistate to call this 49 years old creepy and pretador if he wanted to participate in nude art with 19 years girl who happen to be the daughter of his friend (meaning he knew this girl even when she was kid).

The fact she/he have no interest in art before this, history of chasing boy/girl younger than 20 is only thing you need to judge he/her. Any parent would be justified to prevent this.

Salt-Chemist9726 −  How long has she known him? If it’s since he was a kid then this a creepy behaviour.

Should she step in, or would it be overstepping? What’s your take? Share your thoughts below!