AITA for insisting my boyfriend eat respectfully at a nice restaurant?
Dining out can be a fun and celebratory experience—until someone decides to turn the evening into a cringe-worthy spectacle. We’ve all been there, witnessing someone with questionable table manners. But what if that person was your own boyfriend, and what if his lack of etiquette wasn’t just ignorance, but a deliberate act?
That’s exactly what happened when this woman took her boyfriend to a high-end restaurant to celebrate her promotion. Instead of sharing in the moment, he decided to act like a toddler in public—ignoring utensils, making a mess, and reveling in her discomfort. Now, she’s wondering if she was wrong for calling him out on it.
‘AITA for insisting my boyfriend eat respectfully at a nice restaurant?’
Expert Analysis:
Bad Manners or a Red Flag?
At first glance, this might seem like nothing more than a case of bad table manners. But the key detail here is that he knew what he was doing. He smirked before doing it, meaning this was premeditated. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in toxic relationships, “when someone engages in behavior that they know will embarrass their partner, it’s often a subtle form of control or testing boundaries.”
This wasn’t an innocent mistake—he made a conscious choice to disregard social norms and put OP in a humiliating situation.
Why Some People Enjoy Embarrassing Their Partners
Certain personality types take pleasure in making their partners uncomfortable, especially in social settings. Dr. Harriet Lerner, a renowned relationship psychologist, explains that “people who engage in public humiliation often have an underlying need for dominance. By embarrassing their partner, they create a power imbalance.”
The fact that OP’s boyfriend turned the blame on her afterward (“it’s your fault for not letting me enjoy my meal”) is a classic manipulation tactic—minimizing his behavior while making OP feel guilty for expecting basic decency.
Could This Escalate?
It might seem like just bad table manners now, but experts in behavioral psychology warn that small boundary-pushing behaviors often evolve into larger patterns. According to Psychology Today, “a partner who dismisses your discomfort in one area of life is more likely to ignore it in others.”
If he’s willing to embarrass OP in a restaurant full of strangers, what other ways might he disregard her feelings in the future?
Here’s what Redditors had to say about OP’s situation:
The overwhelming consensus? This wasn’t just bad manners—it was intentional, and OP deserves better. Many pointed out that his actions were not just embarrassing but also a huge sign of disrespect.
Relationships are built on mutual respect. A partner who deliberately humiliates you in public and then blames you for feeling embarrassed isn’t someone who respects you—they’re someone testing how much they can get away with.
What do you think? Was this just a case of bad table manners, or is this a deeper issue? Let us know in the comments!