AITA for informing my uncle that he is responsible for his daughter’s gender and not his wife?

A Reddit user shared an uncomfortable moment with her uncle, Jesse, during a family visit to celebrate her 6-year-old cousin Poppy’s birthday. After giving Poppy a remote-controlled car and binoculars, her uncle criticized the gifts, insisting they were “boys’ toys” and that girls should only play with “feminine” toys.

When he blamed his wife, Lola, for giving him a daughter, the user explained that it was his sperm that determined Poppy’s gender. This upset her uncle, and the family became divided. Wondering if she overstepped by challenging his outdated views? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for informing my uncle that he is responsible for his daughter’s gender and not his wife?’

My uncle Jesse, aunt Lola and cousin Poppy(F, 6) visited us today. It had been Poppy’s birthday last week and we hadn’t been able to visit them to wish her, so we gave her the gifts we had bought for her.

My parents bought her a doll house and some clothes and I bought her a remote controlled car and some toy binoculars. Aunt Lola and Poppy was very happy and accepted the gifts but my uncle looked annoyed when he saw what I’d bought for Poppy.

I asked him if something was wrong and he asked me why I bought “boys toys” for his daughter when she was a girl. I asked him if he is saying only boys can play with remote controlled cars and binoculars and he said yes. He asked me why I didn’t buy her a doll or a kitchen set or something more feminine.

I stared at him incredulously and told him that anyone can play with these and toys aren’t gendered, but he kept insisting they are and started to get angry. My mom told me to let it go but I found it ridiculous that he was already restricting his daughter’s choices at such a young age and forcing her to be “feminine”.

Uncle Jesse then said “If I had had a son, then these gifts would be acceptable. Unfortunately it is Lola’s fault that she gave me a daughter, so don’t give Poppy such masculine gifts.” I knew my uncle wasn’t very educated but this was the dumbest thing I had ever heard someone say.

I informed him that it was his sperm that decided Poppy would be a girl, it isn’t Lola’s fault at all. That Lola has XX chromosomes and he had XY chromosomes and I basically went on a rant explaining how everything works. He was extremely angry after this and told me to stop lying and to shut up.

He picked up Poppy and told Lola that they’re leaving, they took only the gifts my parents brought and asked my parents to “teach this i**ot manners”. My dad yelled at him for saying this and my mom didn’t say much to them but told me I had stepped out of line. That I should have just stayed silent and ignored what he had said. She said I was extremely rude.. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

mckinnos −  NTA for giving a basic education about gender socialization and human biology. Your uncle sounds like a bigot. From experience, though, I will say that you might not be able to change your uncle’s mind, so perhaps it’s better to focus on being a positive influence in Lola’s life.

caturday_drone −  Omg. From a female engineer that does lots of “boy” things. NTA Where’s that flowchart to decide if a toy is for boys or girls? It goes something like: 1. Do you operate this toy with your genitals?. If No – it’s for everyone! If yes – This is not a toy suitable for children.

crazydaizes −  NTA. Tell him so he doesn’t behead his wife.

CataleyaJackson −  NTA. Your uncle is very sexist and you did the right thing by educating him, you were not rude at all. Why did your Aunt get married to someone so misogynistic? I hope you check on her and ensure she’s alright, he sounds like a really s**tty husband and father.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your mother telling you that you should have just stayed silent instead of educating your uncle is the reason ignorance perpetuates. You did the right thing in explaining the ‘facts of life’ to your uncle. He is just too stupid or too scared to accept that he is responsible for the s** of his daughter.

NectarineSoup −  This is great! You called him out on his gender stereotype BS and showed him up in front of the family. Brilliant.. Clear NTA.

AbortRetryImplode −  NTA. My grandfather had to give my old man the same explanation of basic biology when he threw a fit that I wasn’t a boy. It sadly didn’t help anything so don’t expect your lesson for your uncle to necessarily have a positive effect. Idiocy runs deep and usually comes with a complete inability to admit wrongdoing. Keep being awesome to Poppy. It sounds like she’s going to need a positive role model in the family that doesn’t have their head up their ass.

[Reddit User] −  NTA i mean it’s biology so he’s the i**ot and not you. Also we aren’t in the old ages now, i let my kids play with whatever toys makes them happy.. Were you rude meh i don’t think so. It’s not like you cussed him out.

annoyedpotatolady −  NTA his sexist uneducated ass needed to be handed to him. Tell your parents that you will never stop doing that, even if it upsets them.

alice_in_otherland −  Okay so as a biologist it kinda irks me when someone says that it’s actually the man’s “fault” that a baby has a certain s** because while indeed the sperm carries the chromosome that ultimately results in a certain s**, it’s not like the man has any control over it. So it’s not really his fault either, it’s mostly a matter of flipping a coin.

That said, you are still NTA because your uncle sucks in his old fashioned and misogynistic ideas and you’re right to be telling him that that’s not ok. It’s 2020, there should be no thing that is purely a girl or boy toy. And he should not be blaming anyone that he has a daughter. I feel sorry for his wife and daughter.

Do you think the user was in the right for educating her uncle on the science of gender or should she have kept quiet to avoid the confrontation? How would you handle a situation where family members hold outdated views on gender roles? Share your thoughts below!