AITA for “imposing my culture” even though I thought I was just being nice?

A Reddit user, an American woman with immigrant parents, shares her experience of trying to show appreciation for her boyfriend’s family by bringing small gifts to their weekly dinner gatherings. Her cultural upbringing emphasized the importance of gifting when visiting others, but when her boyfriend confronted her,

accusing her of “imposing her culture” and making his parents feel uncomfortable, the situation escalated. His parents ultimately asked her to stop attending the dinners, and now her boyfriend is demanding an apology. To learn more about the situation and how others have reacted, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for “imposing my culture” even though I thought I was just being nice?’

Even though I (23f) am American, my parents are immigrants and therefore I have a different cultural upbringing than most. One thing that was hammered into my head from a young age was to always, *always* bring a small gift when visiting anyone’s house.

It doesn’t matter if it’s family or friends or that one person you kind of know but don’t really like, bringing something is a must. My bf (28m) and I have been dating for almost 4 years now and since we both work from home he suggested we make dinner with his parents a weekly thing since we haven’t been able to see each other much for obvious reasons.

I love his parents, so obviously I agreed! Every week I made sure to bring something small to show my appreciation for them cooking for us (always using my own money); a small bottle of wine, their favorite dessert, some flowers etc. and they always thanked me for it.

This has been going on for a few months and absolutely didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary until yesterday when my bf and I were preparing to head over. I’d gotten a cute vase of daffodils since luckily I’d found some in bloom and my bf’s mom really loves them,

but my bf suddenly got really mad and asked why I kept bringing stuff over every week like his parents were “a charity case”. Honestly I got super confused and asked him what the problem was and that I’ve always done this with everyone including his friends since we met.

That it was a cultural thing but then he got even madder and told me to stop imposing my culture on everyone and it’s weird since I’m white. At that point I didn’t feel like going anywhere with him and just gave him the flowers and went for a walk while he drove over to dinner by himself.

After he came home he still had the flowers which he gave to me and told me he was sorry but his parents really were super annoyed with me constantly bringing stuff over like they can’t take care of themselves, and later on I got a text from his dad asking me to not come over for dinner anymore.

Now my bf’s giving me the cold shoulder unless I give his parents a huge apology, but I really, truly don’t feel like I’m in the wrong for trying to be nice to them. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

daisukidesu1981 −  You do not want to be contractually related to these AHs. Good lord. How the hell are daffodils a sign that someone is a charity case? You’re not wrong. The very least they could have done was communicate not to bring anything nicely and firmly at least once before acting like jerks.

spamspamgggg −  Wow. Definitely NTA. I was taught the same. It’s just good manners to bring a host gift. Even to my own family. They seem terrible.

Odeiminmukwa −  NTA. Wow! I would really reconsider your relationship with him if I were you. Cultures that show hospitality and gratitude for hospitality are so important in this increasingly selfish world and for someone to call that out is mindboggling to me.

Simple-Muscle822 −  NTA. People of many cultures bring small gifts to their host/hostess. Even if it is not something you practice yourself, there is no way that someone should be offended. There seems to be something very wrong with your bf and his family.

NarwhalCommercial360 −  🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

walkerforsec −  NTA GOOD GRIEF

dogtoes101 −  he and his entire family s**k. NTA, you seem like a great person and you deserve someone who appreciates that (and their family)

MotherofPuppos −  What?? That sounds like a normal hostess gift to me. It’s not an unusual thing to do in the slightest. NTA. I agree with other commenters saying that your BF likely said something entirely different to his parents.

syntheticmeats −  Any updates?