AITA for ignoring the groomsman?
A Reddit user shared their experience as a bridesmaid at a wedding, where they chose to spend the evening catching up with old friends instead of entertaining the groomsman they were paired with. Despite their disinterest in the setup, their actions led to conflict with the bride. Read the full story below to see how this bridesmaid stood her ground and whether her decision was justified.
‘ AITA for ignoring the groomsman?’
The article has the next update at the end.
This happened at a wedding I was a bridesmaid at a few weeks ago. I (35F) have never been married, no kids, and more than likely will be the last of my friend group to get married. I’ve been a bridesmaid too many times to count. Almost always, I get paired off with another single guy. My family and friends treat this as an attempt to hook me up with other single guy. They think it will be so romantic if we tell our grandkids who we met at a wedding.
I’ve never been interested in these guys. At the last wedding I was at, I was paired off with the groom’s 42-year-old stepbrother. Off the bat, I wasn’t interested in Dave. If I were to see his profile on a dating app, I would immediately swipe left.
Back to this wedding. I get through the ceremony and am now at the reception. I run into some old friends haven’t seen in a long time and didn’t know they would be in town. So we spent the night together, catching up and covertly watching a VGK game someone was streaming on their phone.
The bride came up to me and asked if I wanted to sit with Dave. He was alone at a table and wanted to get to know me better. I told her, sorry, I wasn’t interested, and went back to talking with my friends. If Dave wanted to talk to me, well he’s a grown man and can do it himself.
I spend the night hanging out with my friends, having a great time, and didn’t think much of it until a few weeks later. I see the bride at a party and she doesn’t even greet me. She just tells me that I was a b—- for ignoring Dave.
Apparently he thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me better. He just couldn’t because he struggles with social cues. At least I could have just saw with him for a few minutes and be nice to him. First off, I am sick of being nice just to make a man happy. I told her that I was just there to be a bridesmaid, not to be a minder for a middle-aged man. She still called me out for being a rude, stuck up B. Was I the a**hole? Or was the bride being out of line.
One more thing, a few months before the wedding, I started to see a guy I met at a conference. I never told anyone because I wasn’t sure if the relationship would last at the time. I don’t plan on telling anyone until we hit a milestone because there would be some pushback (it’s an international LDR). Even if I was single, I’m still not interested in Dave.
Update here: https://aita.pics/oEItN
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
YouthNAsia63 − Indeed, you were not-nor should have been! – a “minder for a middle aged man”. If Dave thought you were cute and wanted to spend time with you, he could have opened his mouth and said so. Imagine if you ended up dating or marrying Dave, then *you* could be his social coordinator and hand holder, possibly for the rest of your life! Doesn’t *that* sound like a plan!.
If you had been told being a date with Dave was the brides expectation of you as a member of the bridal party, you could have saved yourself some money and time and excused yourself from the whole event. NTA.
The_Bad_Agent − NTA but the bride certainly is. You are not an escort meant to keep him company. Tell the bride to hire him one if she is so invested in him having company.
[Reddit User] − NTA. Weddings are not a speed dating event. Wedding parties should not be created with the intent that the matched pairs would hook up. Haven’t we seen posts where people are freaked out that their SO is paired with a single person and act like this means their SO will cheat? Whatever promises the bride made Dave are her problem. You are not a party favor to be awarded. She can find someone else to pimp out.
ResponsibleSpite1332 − NTA. There’s nothing inherently wrong with introducing two single people who might hit it off, but let it go if they’re not interested. This is so weird. Your friend needs to chill and back off. That being said, some of the things you’re saying about him on here are kind of *mean.* You don’t have to be interested, but you don’t have to be cruel either. I hope you didn’t say these things to his face. That would definitely make you the AH.
TheVeggieWhisperer − “Apparently he thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me better. He just couldn’t because he struggles with social cues.” Ah, the age-old trope: bc you’re single and 35, you must want any man on earth, and anyone who tries to set you up is doing you the world’s biggest favor. This entitled bride is treating your time like some kind of charity project for the benefit of an adult man who clearly hasn’t grown up.
You’re NTA on any level. You had a great evening with your friends, and you didn’t want to be set up with Rando #50 just because you two happen to be the last two fish in the f**king barrel. Unfortunately a lot of people have no respect for single women — our time or our energy. /rant
Excellent-Count4009 − NTA. The bride is an AH: YOu are not the consolation prize for those who can’t find a gf on their won.
Oy_with_the_poodles_ − NTA- like at all. This whole scenario is insane and involved zero concern for what you want. Why should you have to entertain a grown man who’s in the freaking wedding party? Also if he approached you, maybe some light small talk would be appropriate but this scenario? Nah, not the a**hole at all. The bride sure is though!
MeltedStones − NTA. Like you said, if he was interested in you, then he can get up and speak with you.
SandalsResort − NTA and I’d really start telling your friends and family that, even though their intentions are good, you don’t need them helping you look for love. Also, can we stop coddling grown adults.
Walkinginthesand23 − Bride stepped over the line with her comments and rudeness. You were not his babysitter and you were not interested. End of story. I would cut off the friendship with her if you have not already.