AITA for ignoring my family after they excluded me from Christmas (again)?

Family gatherings, especially during the holidays, can be a source of warmth and connection—but they can also open old wounds. In this heart-wrenching Reddit post, a 29-year-old woman shares how she’s been repeatedly excluded from her family’s Christmas celebrations. Over the years, hurtful behaviors and neglect have built up a painful history, leaving her feeling abandoned and unseen. Despite her longing for connection, past experiences of being mocked for her festive spirit and sidelined during celebrations have led her to retreat into silence.

Now, after learning through her dad’s social media that her family spent Christmas together without even a word to her, she feels deeply betrayed. With memories of childhood exclusions resurfacing, she’s chosen to maintain her silence—a decision that speaks volumes about the lasting impact of feeling unwanted. Is her withdrawal justified, or is she overreacting?

‘AITA for ignoring my family after they excluded me from Christmas (again)?’

Family exclusion, particularly during the holidays, can leave long-lasting scars on one’s emotional well-being. When a loved one is continuously overlooked, especially during times meant for celebration and togetherness, the impact can be profound. Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting and family relationships expert, has noted,

“Consistent exclusion from family events can contribute to feelings of worthlessness and isolation, particularly in individuals who already feel emotionally abandoned.”
For someone who has long struggled with a lack of familial support—marked by a critical mother and a passive father—the repeated sidelining during Christmas can feel like yet another rejection.

Although the OP’s brother and dad participate in these gatherings, the painful reality is that she has been left out both in the past and now, reinforcing a sense of abandonment. Experts suggest that while maintaining silence can be a form of self-protection, open communication is key to healing.

The decision to cut off contact might provide temporary relief, but it also risks deepening the emotional divide if underlying issues aren’t addressed. Finding a balance—perhaps by expressing her hurt through a carefully written message—could open a door to future understanding. Yet, when years of neglect have eroded trust, even a simple gesture of inclusion can feel unattainable. The OP’s silence is a powerful statem

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit community has reacted with a mixture of empathy and strong support for the OP’s decision. Many commenters commend her for finally standing up for herself, pointing out that decades of exclusion are hard to overcome. They emphasize that her father’s casual celebration—with a selfie and a few texts—feels like a deliberate snub.

Others suggest that, while therapy might help, it’s essential that her family first recognize the damage they’ve caused. The overall sentiment is clear: after years of neglect, her silence is not only understandable, but a necessary step in reclaiming her dignity.

Comfortable-Echo972 −  Man the way I’d just block them all and go in with my life.

N-neon −  So they made fun of you all throughout childhood for being festive, to the point of killing your holiday spirit… Then turn around and celebrate Christmas in your adulthood together without telling you? NTA, I’m glad you are finally cutting off your enablers.

No matter what you do your dad and brother will always side with your mom in the end, that’s how enablers work. If I was you though, I would explain all this to your dad in text before you stop responding. This way your dad knows what he did wrong, and you can avoid the police coming to your door for a wellness check.

[Reddit User] −  Establish dominance with your emotionally unavailable father by sending “OK 👍 ”

1000thatbeyotch −  NTA. They made it clear that they didn’t wish to celebrate with or include you. The audacity to send a selfie and then reach out without an apology is the epitome of assholery.

VerucaLawry −  NTA. Oh my goodness! I could have written this, and I am so sorry you are going through the same thing! I will tell you, it is all about their granddaughter, not your brother. I’m not sure what is with parents trying to have a do-over with grandchild after sucking as parents, but man, it is so hurtful to their children.

Even when I went no contact with my mother when I was huge pregnant with my second, she thought she was an awesome mom for dropping off a Valentine for my 2 year old. Just no! No contact is the only way! And I am so sorry about your dad just going along with your mom. Mine is the same way. I hope you find some new friends/framily in your new town and have awesome celebrations with them! Please message me if you ever need support or a friend!

alcapwn3d −  NTA. Sometimes the worst breakup a person has to go through is with their own family. Protect your peace, and surround yourself with people who want to be around you, and include you.

[Reddit User] −  I think you should say to your dad exactly what you said at the end of your story “I’ve been ignored by you guys my whole life and I’m tired of trying” let your dad know that a relationship over the phone hiding from your mom is not what you want. I wouldn’t answer any of their messages either you should move on. Sorry to say but it sounds very toxic and I can’t imagine it getting better. If your dad actually cared he’d stand up for you!

depemo −  Can you clarify? I thought you were no-contact with your mom, so I figured that would mean that you wouldn’t attend a function where she was present? If that’s the case, I would guess that your family thought you wouldn’t attend, so they didn’t let you know? If that’s wrong, I’m sorry. I just know that most people who are NC with a family member don’t go where that person will be.

In conclusion, this Reddit post sheds light on the painful reality of feeling excluded by one’s own family during the most cherished times of the year. The OP’s decision to ignore her family’s messages is a reaction to a lifetime of being overlooked and undervalued. While her silence might seem drastic to some, it is a reflection of deep-seated hurt and a protective measure against further pain.

How do you think one can begin to heal from such lasting family rejection? Can silence ever pave the way to meaningful change, or does it simply deepen the divide? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let’s explore together the complex path toward family reconciliation and personal healing.