AITA for hiring a housekeeper without my mother-in-law’s approval?’
A working mom of two young kids feels overwhelmed living with her husband and in-laws in their house. She and her husband want to hire a housekeeper for cleaning, as her mother-in-law is often too tired to help despite her insistence that she’ll take care of it.
The couple is considering hiring one without her approval since both the father-in-law and husband agree with the decision. The mother-in-law’s opposition complicates the situation. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for hiring a housekeeper without my mother-in-law’s approval?’
I (working mom of two kids, ages 5 and 2 months) live with my husband, our children, and my husband’s parents in a two-story country house. Between work, breastfeeding, caring for a baby who constantly wants to be held, cooking, and taking care of my 5-year-old, I feel o**rwhelmed.
My husband and I both work full-time, and my mother-in-law works all week too. She sometimes helps with ironing or babysitting while I run errands, but she’s often too tired to help with house cleaning, especially on weekends. The issue is keeping the house clean.
My husband and I want to hire a housekeeper to help with this, and we can afford it. However, my mother-in-law is strongly against the idea, insisting that she will do the cleaning, but every weekend, she says she’s too tired.
My husband and I are thinking of going ahead and hiring a housekeeper without her approval since we feel it’s necessary for our sanity. Would I be the a**hole for doing this?
TL;DR: Husband and I want to hire a housekeeper to clean our two-story house, but my mother-in-law is against it. AITA for hiring one anyway without her approval?
ADDITIONAL CONTEXT : The house is owned by my husband’s parents. Before we had kids, we lived in our own apartment, but with the birth of our children, his parents strongly insisted that we move into their house so the kids could have more space to live, play, and breathe fresh air. They also encouraged us to rent out our apartment to tenants for extra income.
This has left us in a tricky situation since it’s technically their house, but we feel responsible for making sure it’s clean and liveable for our family. ADDITIONAL CONTEXT 2: The father-in-law and husband also want to hire a housekeeper, only the mother-in-law is against it.
Check out how the community responded:
extinct_diplodocus − INFO: There’s a critical missing piece. Who owns the house?* If you own it, then it’s your choice. If MIL doesn’t like it, she can leave.* If they own it, you’d be an AH. Your real choice is to move elsewhere.
* If it’s a joint ownership, and you feel strongly about this, then you can let them know that you’ll be selling your half and moving elsewhere unless they let you hire a housekeeper.
Having-hope3594 − YTA. Your father-in-law needs to be the one to insist on the housekeeper. This is not your house so you would overstep your mother-in-law.
LowBalance4404 − YTA. It’s probably time to move back out with your husband and kids.
PrincessLilianz − Soft ESH. You’re NTA for wanting a clean place and to hire someone to get it accomplished, but it’s not your house. MIL is TA because she offered to help and didn’t/doesn’t follow through and has now left you in an uncomfortable situation that could have been avoided. Don’t hire the house keeper because she absolutely can throw you out. Start looking for somewhere of your own to live.
Special_Respond7372 − Edited after answer: YTA. It’s not your house. You are overstepping your in laws boundaries. If you need a clean house and want to hire someone, you need to get your own place.. Info: who owns the house?
Swirlyflurry − My husband and I are thinking of going ahead and hiring a housekeeper without her approval. YTA. It’s not your house, it’s not your call.
Thegetupkids678 − NTA for wanting to hire a housekeeper, but I do think it is important of who actually owns the home. If you own it, then hire the housekeeper and have a conversation with MIL citing evidence that she seems tired and doesn’t completely cleaning so you want to take a load off the whole family unit so you can enjoy time off together rather than cleaning.
However, if your in laws own the home and you’re renting/staying there then I personally don’t think it would be appropriate without them agreeing to it.
StripedBadger − Info: what chores are FIL and your husband doing? You only say MIL works all week, does that mean FIL is just at home not doing anything? Additionally, have you actually had a real discussion with your MIL and discussed her concerns?
People that live in the house do get a say on whether they’re comfortable with someone else intruding in their space, even as an employee. She’s e**itled to privacy.
Heavy-Quail-7295 − YTA. Not your house. I’m not judging, in fact I agree with you. But her house…
BriefHorror − Where is father in law and husband in contributing ?
Is it wrong for them to hire a housekeeper without the mother-in-law’s approval, or is their need for help more important? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!
