AITA For “hiding” my child’s savings account from my ex and not letting him contribute?
When parents separate, financial arrangements often get complicated, especially when it comes to a child’s future. One woman has been diligently saving for her 12-year-old son’s future, putting aside a portion of her income every month, including child benefits and any extra funds she can spare. However, her ex-husband has recently found out about the savings account and demanded to be part of it.
He wants to contribute and be a co-owner of the account, despite not being involved in the savings process for the past 8 years. Now, she’s left questioning whether she did the right thing by keeping the account to herself and refusing to let him contribute. Is she being unfair to him, or is he overstepping his boundaries?
The issue at hand isn’t just about money—it’s about control, ego, and what’s fair when it comes to parenting responsibilities. Her ex-husband feels left out and accuses her of making him look like the “bad dad” for not thinking of the account sooner. On the other hand, she feels it’s her right to manage the savings without his interference, especially since he hasn’t shown interest in contributing in the past. Is her decision to keep the account separate reasonable, or is she inadvertently making him look bad?
‘ AITA For “hiding” my child’s savings account from my ex and not letting him contribute?’
The situation here involves more than just money; it touches on boundaries, responsibility, and fairness. According to financial counselor Dr. Emily Hughes, “When it comes to child savings, both parents have an obligation to contribute, but it’s not necessary for both parents to manage the account or be co-owners. What’s important is ensuring the child’s well-being and future without undermining the other parent’s role or authority.”
In this case, the woman has been doing exactly that—saving consistently for her son’s future. Dr. Hughes adds, “The ex-husband’s request to be a co-owner of the account is a little more than a simple desire to contribute. It speaks to a desire for control and recognition that may not be entirely healthy.
It’s understandable that he feels left out, but he’s had 8 years to be involved in this process. He can start his own savings account for their child if he wishes, but demanding co-ownership now would undermine the effort the mother has put in.”
Moreover, Dr. Hughes explains that the ex-husband’s comments about the child support are problematic: “It’s common for parents to feel as though their financial contributions should entitle them to more involvement in other financial decisions.
However, child support is a legal obligation, not a bonus for the receiving parent. The idea that child support is being used to fund this savings account is a misinterpretation of its purpose.”
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the woman’s decision. Most commenters feel that her ex-husband’s behavior is controlling and entitled, and they agree that he should have started his own savings account if he truly cared about contributing. The idea of him wanting to claim credit for the account now, after years of non-involvement, is seen as unfair and self-serving.
The ex-husband’s reaction reveals deeper issues of control and entitlement, especially given that he had years to contribute to his child’s future and chose not to. While it’s understandable that he might want to contribute now, demanding co-ownership of an account that the mother has managed on her own for years is unreasonable.
What do you think? Should the woman have told him about the account from the start, or is it her right to keep it separate? How would you handle a situation where your co-parent wanted to claim credit for something they hadn’t been involved in? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
Nta/Child support is for care now, You contributing to your child’s savings is for his future. They are not connected or interchangeable. Your ex is trying to be the big DAD, & boost his ego, he has nothing to do with what YOU have set aside for your child. Do not entertain the thought of him being included on your accounts. If ex wants to start him a new account (the more the better), let him. leave yours alone. Do not give the ex any access, Y does he needed it, it’s not for HIS use or benefit, and teach your son, when his age is 18/21 to not be pressured into the way he spends it by his father
NTA. Have you thought about speaking with a financial advisor about a safe, secure investment account?
No reason he can’t send you extra money to add to his son’s account. Just because it isn’t in his name, the purpose of the account is to provide assistance to his son in later years when he needs it for school or whatever. Only his Ego would prevent him from adding to the existent account.
Do not allow your ex any access to your child’s account because he will either claim he contributed half or he will drain it dry as soon as he can. I’ve seen both happen. If he truly wanted to contribute to your son’s future he would have opened his own account for him.
BIG RED FLAG here! Ex only wants access to the account so he can dip into it. Don’t give him any access and yes, tell your son to keep quiet about the account to everybody. People are greedy now and only want what they can get for themselves. You ex won’t contribute much but will claim he has. Let him open his own account and save up for son’s future. You did good, OP. Don’t cave in to him!
NTA – Nothing was or is stopping him from setting up an account for his child. No reason to tell him though child spilled the beans. Don’t let him anywhere near the existing account you created.
Is the account for the benefit of the child or is it to make you the favorite parent. I certainly would not add his name to the account. As a matter of fact, I would make sure a trusted someone would be in charge of the funds there if something happens to you before he reaches his majority. But I would let him contribute and let it be known to the child that his father had contributed what he could when he could. Children should never be involved in the hostile relationship of the parents. They figure it out for themselves without you pointing it out.
NTA, why can’t he open an account now and contribute on his own? Once your son is old enough he would understand that both parents did what they could at the time. He could also invest in stocks or other investments for his son. He’s only making excuses. When my son was born he had 3 bank accounts before he was 3 months and his father doesn’t know about 2 of them and he doesn’t know the balance on the one he actually knows about and we are live together.
Sure he can have access to current account. Just as soon as he opens one, matches what’s in the current one and gives you co-ownership in the new one! Then no problem. Otherwise the answer is not only no but h*ll no! Seems your ex is a little to worried about appearances. Maybe he should be a little more worried about being a good role model for your son.
Definitely do not give access to ex. The father can open an account for the child himself. I would explain to your son about not sharing this information, especially and bank details with anyone, including his father and explain to him what money has gone in and where from so his dad cannot guilt trip into giving said ex any banking account details. I would be extremely worried about the existence behaviour over this!!! Make sure he cannot access this at all
I don’t think that it’s your exes business what you do with your money. Because essentially it was your money that you earned and decided to set aside for your child. NTA at all, your ex on the other hand is.
He sounds like trouble to me. Once his name is on the account, the money will be gone. He will not contribute; he will take it all. (This is exactly what my own Dad did) once he has access.
Tell your ex he can open a separate account that will pay out say 5 yrs after yours thus allowing him to caych up as much as possible. That way your son benefits twice, once from each parent. See how your ex likes that idea.
Absolutely NTA! As a minor teenager, I mistakenly allowed my father access to my account, being told back then, he could only deposit money into the account if his name was on it (not true BTW, but misguided by bank officials!!). Almost immediately he withdrew all but $5. from my account. He absconded with several thousands that had been accumulated over several years of birthday, babysitting, odd jobs, etc.
I was saving for a high school trip to Europe. My Mother stepped in with a lawyer and there was no legal recourse against my father or the bank. I signed the papers granting him access. My father felt the money was owed to him because my Mother got the house. But he never paid any child support. I was very naive to trust him. The OP needs to have a very serious chat with her 12 yr old about this topic. Her EX is a manipulative.
She wasn’t under any obligation to tell the ex about the account. She should stress to her son that discussions about money between he and his dad, when they involve the mother, are not appropriate. Not keeping secrets, just keeping what is their business, their business. This is an account that has nothing to do with the dad. He’s free to open his own account for his son and that would be none of the ex-wife’s business either.
My ex used to tell our sons that the money he “pays” me should all go right into their pockets and that I should pay half their college despite me having been a stay at home Mom until shortly before the divorce. He made six figures and I barely made over minimum wage when I went back to work.
no need to tell him she started an account. He could have started one if he wanted to. He just wants to look good, and know how much is there. He’ll probably try to talk the kid out of the money.
Most of my friends who were single mothers (not all I grant you) had a difficult time getting any support from their fathers for their children. Most of them didn’t see anything, because, the fathers claimed they were putting aside money, in a special bank account, for the child, to be available when they were older/adult/ college etc. Not one of these famous accounts every paid up. Not one!!! No money materialised at the young persons 18th/21st birthday!! This was an excuse used to welch on child support payments & suggest the mother of their child was not able to steward the finances properly & spend it on themselves. The accounts never existed.
He can open his own account for the child, as many men before him have claimed, and see what happens. I’ve only every known one father, who lamented he couldn’t support his ex more, because, in his eyes, she was doing the heavy lifting raising his only child, the only one he knew he would ever have. And he was right, he did screw up a lot, but as I say, the only one who acknowledged it, and I respect him for that.
no it was none of his business as long as the child was cared for. he can always give her the money to go in the account. His name doesn’t have to be and best not to be on it.
Do not give him co-ownership of that account, you can’t be sure of his intentions. You could either give him the account details and he can do a transfer every month or you can create money pots within the account so it’s separate monies and he can transfer the money into those.
I’m not sure if I trust him tbh.
Knowing the type of man he is she should have warned child to say nothing. Now she should tell child why the father must not know financial issues. My ex was a heavy gambler and felt $8 a day covered all our Childs needs and wants and had excess to go out drinking with friends. When she got a part time job at 14 I warned her never to tell him the amount of money she had in the bank. He leeched every dollar he could from all his other 4 children and she say it
A person who has any ownership of an account can make withdrawals. I would keep your ex away from this account.
NTA. I actually find it highly suspicious that he insists on knowing the exact amount in the account and wants half ownership. It is a prime set-up for draining the account. If your ex wants to set up a separate account, have at it! But no access to what is already saved….
Are the child benefit monies child support? If so, the dad is already contributing to the account as OP states she deposits these monies into the account and she should advise him as such. She should also tell her son that the child benefit come from his dad. Dad can also set up an account, depositing what he can afford monthly. Small sums do add up to big sums eventually.
I think his plan is even more devious. He will go back to court and say he doesn’t owe as much child support because obviously you don’t need it. He has no business, knowing any of your finances