AITA for helping a dog despite my husband’s annoyance ?
A woman with a history of dog rescue found a lost chi-weenie and is caring for it, much to her husband’s annoyance. He is frustrated by the dog’s barking and is urging her to take it to animal control.
The woman believes the dog brings joy to their toddlers and wants to find a good home for it herself, feeling that her husband’s attitude is selfish and dismissive of the dog’s needs and the happiness it brings to their family. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for helping a dog despite my husband’s annoyance ?’
I’ve done dog rescue for most of my life. I foster a dog (either pulled from animal control, or found as a stray), get it all necessary medical care including spay/neuter, then find it a new home. My husband met me in my early 30s and I was upfront about this.
As a matter of fact, I had a lab and her litter of 9 puppies living in my house when we first started dating. (All were sent to great homes as soon as they were old enough.) We’ve been married 5 years now and have two toddlers, 4f and 2m. I don’t rescue like I used to.
I used to always have at least one foster dog in the house, but now with kids it’s just a lot more complicated so I only do it when it’s basically an emergency.
Yesterday while driving home, a little chi-weenie darted in front of my car and almost got hit. I pulled over, opened my car door, and called to her.
She ran right up to me and jumped into my car. I immediately posted her on the lost and found groups, had her checked for a microchip, all the things I can do to get her home, but so far, no dice. This little dog is AMAZING with my kids. They adore each other.
But she is afraid of my personal dogs and barks at them. This isn’t a big deal. It’s easy to work with. Honestly she just needs a few days to adjust, but until then, she yaps annoyingly any time she sees one of my dogs.
Other than this, she’s great in the house, easy to care for, and most importantly, she is so entertaining for my kids. But my husband is super annoyed with the yapping. He’s super cranky and talking s*** about the dog and how she’s getting sent to animal control TODAY and telling my daughter not to get attached (too late) because she’s leaving immediately.
I don’t WANT to send her to animal control. Once her stray hold is up, assuming her owners don’t claim her, I want to re-home her myself. She’s small, friendly, and will be easy to adopt out.
But I am so sick of my husband’s attitude and I know he’s going to be like this until she’s gone. It’s pissing me off because he knew I saved dogs when he met me. He’s seen how dedicated I get. But he’s acting like this is all such a HUGE inconvenience to him, *just because the dog barks* and it annoys him.
I told him this morning that the dog gives his children joy. She’s a sweet girl who needs help. He needs to stop thinking about himself and focus on the good things she brings into this family. He sulking, and I’m pissed. AITA for wanting to just work with this dog and rehoming her myself, despite his annoyance?
olive_us_here − NAH- I’m glad you made the edit and explained your husband was with you, when you picked up the dog. Has he mentioned feeling o**rwhelmed? Is he stressed with work or other life events? When was the last time you had a rescue in the house?
OP I feel you, I also am in rescue and in fact have 2 puppies right now. It sounds like it’s been a couple days and as you said it takes a couple days for dogs to acclimate.
With that said yapping/ barking dogs can be absolutely annoying and if he is stressed with other things right now, or even works from home he may be feeling overstimulated. It be just having another living thing to take care of right now is sending him over the edge, especially if it’s been a while since your last rescue.
You know that some dogs we bond with more than others. Talk to him, get to the root of the issue, there is a long term compromise that you two can come up with.
Canadian_01 − NTA for wanting to rehome her, but YTA for believing your husband doesn’t get a say in the animals that come into the home you BOTH share with children. Regardless of what he knew about you when you met, pets are big deals, and you can’t unilaterally decide which ones and how many you have in the house.
It’s like kids. When one wants one and another doesn’t, you don’t just decide ‘well, I want another so I’m going to have another’. It’s a joint decision.
You need to talk about it and if he feels strongly against it, (like in an adult discussion, not just a flippant ‘we’re sending her away today’ conversation), then you have to take his feelings into account. If one doesn’t want it, I think you back down.
Max_452 − YTA. You don’t get to steamroll your husband with your latest charity case because he agreed to help initially. Using your children’s affection toward the dog to further guilt him is also gross. If your husband is saying no, you have to respect that.
You already have two kids and other pets from the sound of it, your husband is absolutely allowed to not want to take anyone else in.
mifflewhat − YTA. Your husband not wanting to deal with yapping is a legit issue. You need to take his issues as seriously as you want him to take yours.
mellowbusiness − Be honest, how often and for how long does the dog go on her “yapping”, because if your husband knows you’re a bleeding heart and have been fostering dogs for years prior, and now suddenly he’s complaining, it makes me think it happens very frequently.
You might be used to dogs barking 24/7, but not everyone is, nor wants to tolerate it. Dogs bark very loudly, to an average of 120db. Damage to the human ear starts at 85db. There’s a very good reason people complain about constant barking.
Random-OldGuy − YTA! There is a difference between rescuing dogs and having to live with one that barks all the time. You wrote that it happens only when it sees your other dogs so I assume that means somewhat constantly since they all seem to have freedom in the house.
I would be super annoyed with all the barking. He tried to work with you in letting the dog into the house in the first place; he was being supportive. Once you all realized there would be a lot of barking the situation changed and then YTA for insisting on having a dog (even if temporarily) that is causing noise problems.
If hubby works from home then that is disruptive for work, and if he works out of house but in an even somewhat stressful environment then he will want a peaceful home to relax in. I also wonder if the dog barks at night as well…
So the big question for you: you write about how he knew you like to rescue, but do you consider how he wants things and his needs/wants going into the relationship? Or is it all about you?
Odd-Whereas-3881 − I love dogs, I fostered many dogs and cats. That doesnt mean I can do the same after getting married. Your arguments are one sided and your dismissal of his feelings and thinking is heartbreaking.YTA
slackerchic − YTA. You’re prioritizing an animal off the street over your husband. You’re even prioritizing it over the dogs in your home. “He needs to stop thinking about himself… He sulking, and I’m pissed.” Could he not say the same about you here?
Jen0507 − I think very, very soft YTA. Knowing you rescue isn’t him signing for up for days or weeks of listening to a dog bark. It’s also not cool to use the kids by saying it’s cruel for him not to put up with something that brings them joy. That’s you trying to manipulate him to get your way.
You’ve also now decided you want to keep the dog and adopt them out yourself, which means he has to put up with it longer. As I’m sure you know way better than me, not every rescue is a good fit for your house or will settle in and get used to your dogs.
This one is annoying to your hubs, and that should matter to you. I love your heart and desire to help dogs, but I do think this one’s difficulty settling means you should turn it over to someone else.
Should she prioritize the dog’s well-being and the children’s joy over her husband’s discomfort? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!