AITA for having my wedding at a venue that absolutely does not allow children since my family made it clear that they would not comply with my child free wedding ?
A Reddit user shares their frustration over the backlash they’re facing after organizing a child-free destination wedding at an adults-only resort. The bride and groom, paying for the guests’ travel and stay, have received complaints from the bride’s sister, who initially declined the invitation due to child care concerns.
After learning that her expenses would have been covered, the sister demanded that the couple either make an exception for her children or pay for alternative childcare, sparking family tension. Is the bride wrong for sticking to her child-free wedding plan? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for having my wedding at a venue that absolutely does not allow children since my family made it clear that they would not comply with my child free wedding.’
I’m having my wedding at an adults only resort. They absolutely do not allow minors. I did this to save myself the hassle of fighting with my family over exceptions to my “no children allowed” policy.
My husband and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and we are paying for our guests to attend. It is a destination wedding so we didn’t want anyone we want there not to be able to come because of finances.
I made the invitations very clear about whether kids were allowed or not. I recieved a lot of RSVPs saying that they regret that they cannot attend.. I totally understand.
Except now my sister found out that I’m paying for everyone to come and has lost it. She said that she only said no because she didn’t have anyone to watch her kids. The oldest is sixteen and has watched her siblings while my sister has gone on vacation in the last month.
I said that everything was booked already but that if she made her own arrangements she would be welcome at the wedding with her husband. She asked if we would be paying for whatever she arranged and I said no. I had already paid for everything I had budgeted for.
She said that I’m an a**hole for not wanting her at my wedding. I said that if I didn’t want her to attend I would not have invited her. My parents are now saying that I tricked my sister into not attending. My sister isn’t poor. And the cost for her and her husband would have been $2000. She just wanted me to bend and allow her kids.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
extinct_diplodocus − NTA. She was invited. She declined. Suddenly, when she found out she’d passed up a free vacation, she wants to change things.
When you declined to give her the free vacation, she went full DARVO and said that *you* were the one who didn’t want her there. Your parents should not have fallen for your sister’s obvious ploy, and I think you’ve correctly identified her motives.
[Reddit User] − NTA. I don’t understand how you paying changes things for them. They’d still have to find childcare, the kids still wouldn’t be able to come. Based on your view of their financial status, it’s doesn’t seem like they couldn’t afford it.
It seems like they said no and now they’re upset they aren’t getting a free vacation like everyone else. Interesting how they suddenly can work it out after they found out you’d be paying if they had said yes.
They could have always left the kids alone, they could have always come. They chose not to because they’re irritated at a kids only wedding, but that irritation goes away as soon as they find out you’d be paying for it. How did you trick them?
Ok-Profession-9372 − NTA and a big round of applause for finally finding a clever solution to the childfree wedding problem that plagues this subform. She RSVP’d no, you made the arrangements for your guests. If she wants to come now she can make her own way.
[Reddit User] − The surprise “I’m now paying” is kinda AH territory. You basically were “testing” people and then rewarding those that fit your requirements. I don’t get the “I had already paid what I had budgeted for”.
For example if you sent out 20 invitations didn’t you budget for 20 people? Of course knowing someone might say no, but still, if you intended to cover costs I assume your future husband and you said “what if everyone says yes, can we afford to cover that?”, again full well knowing a few might not come.
Or did you have a secret number of “well if 10 yeses then we will pay for them, but if 11 or more we won’t” kind of thing? Seems really odd that if your sister and her husband (no kids) decided to come around you wouldn’t have 2k in your budget for them.
I dunno, you get one wedding day (per husband lol) and it’s isn’t worth not having your sister there over petty stuff – unless you don’t like her, then that changes everything and maybe rethink this post.
judgingA-holes − NTA – So your parent’s think you “tricked” your sister because you didn’t originally tell her that you were planning on paying for everyone in attendance? I’m sorry but your sister seems to be the a**hole here. She was completely fine with not attending your wedding until she knew that she would basically get a free vacation out of it.
kep1ian713 − INFO: did you inform your family that you’d be paying for guests to attend before they RSVP’d no?
EDIT: yea YTA, she’s not asking to bring her kids now, she’s asking you to pay for her and her husband as guests. She didn’t know this was an option and that’s on you
AccurateFormal9153 − YTA. She knew she could not afford the trip for herself and her husband plus babysitting, you knew they could not afford it. It was very reasonable on her part to decline. She’s your sister, she should have been informed by you that you intended to cover the costs. Instead, you let her believe she would have to pay everything herself.
You’re not the AH for celebrating your ceremony there or not wanting children present. You’re the AH because you deliberately withheld that information from your family.
Regarding your comment about the eldest babysitting before, as we don’t know if it would be possible for them to babysit their siblings this time, we cannot judge whether that would have been a choice your sister could take.
floatingvan − Yta- so you invited guests and the ones that said yes then got a surprise trip for free ? kids didn’t have much to do that side of things. Even without kids thats a lot of money.
It was some evil loyalty test and you used the kids free thing to weed out those who couldn’t afford it even though you knew you were paying? Of course people with kids especially younger ones will say no as it’s a lot of time and money to get time off work and child care and school commitments.
But if they knew you were paying that could have possibly tipped them over to be able come and work things out. It’s a mean trick for people you are suppose to love enough to invite them. This was gross lottery style wedding.
Edit hold up. So your sister and aunt where the only ones that said no. That’s not a lot of people saying no like you stated in the post, Omg even more evil. Have you always hated your sister? So you can pay for everyone else apart from them because you think they can afford it. Oh please.
The whole the aunt has a nanny and my sister could afford it if she really wanted to come is not manipulation on your sisters side and then you followed up with you are welcome to come I don’t have problem with you attending when you bloody well do. Yucky.
TurbulentPrinter − NTA. She now wants a free vacation. Why would your parents think you “tricked” her? It was her decision.
Rega_lazar − Info: was it stated on the invitation that you would pay or did you only tell after people answered yes/no?
Was the bride justified in sticking to her child-free wedding plan at an adults-only venue, or should she have made exceptions for her family? How would you handle a situation where family members feel excluded from an important event? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!