AITA for having my daughter write a ‘m**bid’ school family tree project?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma about their daughter’s kindergarten family tree project, which required details about biological ancestors. Coming from a background where most of their family and the child’s father’s family are deceased.

The user completed the project honestly, including headstone photos and limited information. The morbid nature of the project upset the teacher and parents, leading to backlash. Read the original story below to learn more about their reasoning and the fallout.

‘ AITA for having my daughter write a ‘m**bid’ school family tree project?’

My biological family is dead. I was raised in foster care, and so my friends are my family. I met my late husband in college. He was just raised by his mother, who had abandoned him and later died (no adoptive family). As an adult, I’ve looked into both trees and our biological ancestors are, to put it mildly, really dangerous people and/or dead.

My late husband and older son died in a car crash. My daughter is in kindergarten and she, more accurately me, was supposed to do a family tree project for school. I tried speaking to her teacher that this was not going to be a Pollyanna report, but she is one of those people that can’t comprehend that sometimes family is a dark subject,

and insisted that it needed to be biological. So, I did it. Some of them, like her father and my son, I have actual information for aside from that they’re dead. But for most of my family and her paternal family, I literally only have birth date, death date, when they would have had their kids, and cemetery information, unless they were cremated.

It was supposed to have 10 pictures, but most of the pictures I have of any ancestors are just headstones. I made a trip when my husband and I first married to take pictures of the headstones, so I included those in there. I only have 3 pictures total of my biological family, and most of them are group shots where I could only label maybe 3 people.

I don’t have any pictures of my late husband’s family from before me and my kids, but I put some of the old ones in there too. So while the other kids had long family trees, my daughter was basically introducing the concept of death to her kindergarten class. Now I’m getting slammed with calls from other parents, the teacher, and the principal.

They’re appalled that I allowed such a “m**bid” report and are saying I traumatized their children. I don’t think I did anything wrong. They wanted a report on her biological ancestors, I gave it, and kept it G-rated. I just didn’t lie that people were alive when they weren’t.

I don’t raise her to think that death is taboo or something to be ashamed of anyway. Death is part of life. Most of her/my family is dead, so talking about family just means talking about death, and it’s just something you have to accept. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Virulencer −  NTA. The concept of life and death is complex for kindergarten age children. However, you warned the teacher and she was clear about what she expected from the project. Also, r/MaliciousCompliance might enjoy this story.

velvet_wire −  NTA, the teacher was highly insensitive. Also insisted it had to be biological? That sounds discriminatory against adopted people. Tell the principal you attempted to address the situation with the teacher and were dismissed,

and that she left your daughter with no options if she were going to turn in the assignment. And why are parents calling you? Is there an open phone list? Did you authorize having your contact info shared with other parents?

StanePantsen −  NTA – I tried speaking to her teacher that this was not going to be a Pollyanna report, but she is one of those people that can’t comprehend that sometimes family is a dark subject, and insisted that it needed to be biological. So, I did it.

A lot of the people who get into education lived very sheltered and privileged lives and have a hard time comprehending the hardships some people face. You tried to explain it to her and she wouldn’t listen. Not your fault.

TimeandEntropy −  NTA How do you do a family tree report and Not expect death to be a pretty big topic? By kindergarten at least Some of the class is going to have dead grandparents. We do not all live in a happy movie and let’s be real – these are 5-6 year olds – most of them will have seen a Disney movie by now. Guess what happens in almost every Disney movie?

A parent dies. These people need to get over themselves. I’d tell the other parents to take it up with the teacher, tell the teacher you tried to talk to her but she wanted to Pollyanna her way through your concerns and tell the principal that your child shouldn’t have to hide who she is and where she’s come from for the sake of other people’s comfort.

They assigned this report, this is your kids family. Are they telling you that you should teach your daughter to lie? Is having dead relatives something to be ashamed of?. They are being ridiculous.

SevsMumma21217 −  NTA. You tried to warn the teacher and she forced your hand. I also find it hard to believe that in a kindergarten class of what? 20+ kids? That only YOUR child has dead relatives? Or a branch or two that just can’t be traced?

CandylandCanada −  NTA. Instead of offering sympathy to your daughter, these people only considered how they felt. Great parenting.

09Klr650 −  NTA. She insisted it be biological, not by adoption? That’s horrible. What if a kid was adopted and the bio parents are unknown?

gordondigopher −  Info: did you call it a Family Stump?

spritzdown −  NTA. I think the main issue would be concern over how your child is affected by this, rather than how the teacher and class react. Is she ok with that project? I do think it was short-sighted of the teacher to assign such a project, especially for kindergarteners.

Jillypepper72 −  NTA – that family tree is your truth and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. You warned them.

Do you think the Redditor handled the situation appropriately by staying true to their family’s reality, or should they have adjusted the project to avoid upsetting others? How would you approach such a sensitive topic in a school setting? Share your thoughts below!