AITA for having Christmas at my grandparents house and accepting gifts from them when they won’t include my step and half siblings?

A Reddit user shared a complicated family situation involving Christmas traditions and family dynamics. After years of tension between their mom, stepdad, and their dad’s side of the family, the user (16M) chose to celebrate Christmas with their grandparents, who have been supportive over the years. However, their mom wanted them to skip the celebration because their grandparents refused to include the user’s step and half-siblings in the holiday festivities.

The user accepted gifts from their grandparents but now faces anger from their mom for not standing up for their siblings. Was the user wrong for enjoying the holiday with their grandparents, or should they have prioritized family unity? Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for having Christmas at my grandparents house and accepting gifts from them when they won’t include my step and half siblings?’

A few months after my dad died my mom and his family had a big fight. I (16M) was 5 when dad died and my sister (19F) was 8. Our dad’s family were cut off from us and we only got to see them again when they took my mom to court and my grandparents were awarded grandparents visitation rights. That meant we got to call them at least once a week and see them for 10 daylight hours a month and one sleepover a month. They also got the weekend before or after Christmas to celebrate with us.

My mom hated it and when she remarried she tried to get my stepdad to adopt us so she could cut them off again. But we didn’t want to be adopted and mom’s lawyers told her the adoption wouldn’t stop the rights for grandparents rights. Luckily we never got adopted by our stepdad and we still got to see our dad’s family.

My stepdad had two kids when he married my mom and together they had two more. My stepsiblings mom died and she had no family she was close to so it was just them. My mom isn’t really close to anyone in her family. She sometimes talks to her sister and that’s it. My stepdad’s family isn’t ever talked about so IDK about them.

That means me and my sister were the only ones to have more family in dad’s side. And my mom and stepdad resented the fact my dad’s family never included our step and half siblings. My stepsiblings gave us a hard time for years about it and my sister would always tell them they weren’t family to our dad’s family and they wouldn’t be treated like it just because. For years that was a really big issue at home. It never made us hate our dad’s family or see them as wrong or bad people.

My mom and stepdad were extra pissed off when my grandparents started helping my sister through college and they’ve given her a lot of money since she moved out. Mom ended up asking about the rest of us and my grandparents said they’d do the same for me but they wouldn’t do it for kids who aren’t their grandkids. There’s a lot of anger because of that. It’s not the first thing like this. In 2020 our grandparents got us laptops for school. If ever field trips couldn’t be paid for they paid for us.

My mom and stepdad had a lot of money issues this year. My mom asked my grandparents to include all the kids in Christmas this year and get something for my step and half siblings too, so me and my sister weren’t totally better off. My grandparents said no and they are not doing a thing for our step and half siblings. When my mom realized they were serious she told me I should skip Christmas over there and stand by the fact I want us all included.

I told her I wasn’t missing Christmas with my family because she can’t accept my step and half siblings aren’t their family. Mom tried to get at my sister too. But we went anyway. Mom found photos from our time there on social media and she was angry about how much we got. I always kept that stuff at my grandparents because I’d be forced to share or whatever.

That’s not a big deal for me. But my mom is still angry that I accepted so many gifts and went in the first place. She said I should feel like standing up for all my siblings and making sure nobody is left out.. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

SummerTimeRedSea −  NTA the audacity your mother has… she tried to forbbid them to see you and now she wants them to pays for children that are not even related to them ??? Why sont you move into your grand-parents home ? Your mother is useless.

cataphractbeaver −  NTA. Grandparents care about you because you are their blood relative. Your step siblings aren’t and they choose to treat them as such. No issues here except your mother and step father who has unrealistic expectations.

Fire_or_water_kai −  Your mom went from giving your grandparents hell for trying to see you, to giving them hell for not giving to her kids. Obviously, we don’t know the whole story, but she seems like a lot, and she seems entitled and spiteful.
I personally would have a hard time creating a relationship with those kids, given how your mom behaved, and i get your grandparents keeping their distance. You don’t have to give up seeing your grandparents or receiving their gifts.. NTA.

Spoedi-Probes −  NTA. Your Mom should have tried to heal the rift instead of widening it. She decided to cause the problems and it is she who should have been adult enough to have foreseen the problems that are now occuring. Your Grandparents and Mom’s fight is not your fight.

Buttered_Crumpet09 −  NTA. Your mum had wildly inappropriate ideas of how things should work. First, she decided to cut you off from your grandparents for no good reason, meaning that they lost their son and his children, their grandchildren, in a very short time. That was so wrong, and it would have hurt you and your sister, but she only cared about her feelings.

Second, after your grandparents make sure they can keep you in their lives, she then decides that actually, she wants them all the way in, and that means them taking on your step- and half-siblings. Now, if they are so horrendous that she just had to keep them away from you, why would she want them anywhere near your step and half-siblings?

Could it be that your mum decided that if she couldn’t get rid of them, she could at least use them how she wanted to? Again, there’s no consideration to you, your sister, your grandparents, or even the step and half-siblings who could easily have been told that you have extra family that they don’t and that’s okay. It’s all about her feelings.

Third, now she’s struggling, she wants your grandparents to pay for gifts for her step and other kids, and when told no, she demands that you miss out on gifts and time with your family. Wtf is wrong with her? She really thinks that you should have less and miss out in solidarity? She should be grateful that you have a family to provide gifts and spend that time with you, but nope. It’s still all about her feelings.

You and your sister lost your dad, and I’m sorry for that, and since then, your mother has only prioritised herself and her new family. Not once has she considered anything else except what she wants and how she thinks things should be, and it’s honestly disgusting. She wants to take more family from you and for you to miss out because she’s not getting her way. She should be ashamed of herself, this is not how a mother is supposed to behave.

Clean_Factor9673 −  NTA. Your grandparents had to go to court for grandparents rights and your mom expects them to buy gifts for step and half who ate not related to them. She’s nuts! Your grandparents love you and your mom tried to cut them out of your life. Spend as much time with them as possible.

amandarae1023 −  Your mom is an a**hole.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, and perhaps if your mother had been more welcoming of your grandparents’ role from the start, rather than trying to exclude them, they may have been more inclusive of your step and half siblings. Regardless, you should continue to nurture your relationships with your paternal family. Ignore your mother’s tantrums.

Vegetable-Fix-4702 −  NTA. I’m sad for you that your own mother can’t see past her anger. I’d think that a parent would welcome happiness for her own children.

Miss_Bobbiedoll −  She didn’t want them to see you and now she wants financial help from them? She’s got a lot of nerve. NTA.