AITA for hating where my wife is going to get a tattoo ?

A Redditor is facing tension in their marriage due to their wife’s choice to get a large floral and hummingbird tattoo on her chest. While the husband has no issue with tattoos in general, he dislikes the location and has been asking her to reconsider. His wife, however, is frustrated, saying it’s her body and he shouldn’t control her decisions. Was he wrong to voice his opinion on where she should get her tattoo? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for hating where my wife is going to get a tattoo’

My Wife (28F) and I (34M) have been married for 3 years. I love her to d**th and she is the best thing in my life. However, she wants to get a tattoo. She already has 4 (Hip, Bicep, Shoulder, Sideboob) and I have no problem with them. I have 2 myself. This proposed tattoo though is causing problems.

She wants to get a fairly large floral design with a hummingbird on her chest. It would be from just under her collarbone and down to between her boobs. It would be visible in nearly every shirt she’d wear. I’m begging her to reconsider where it goes. I don’t like the location of where she wants to get it.

This has caused a few arguments with her calling me an a**hole and mostly cites it is her body and I shouldn’t be controlling her. I don’t have an issue with the tattoo itself, I have an issue with where she wants it. So AITA? 

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

GothPenguin −  N T A-For expressing your opinion. YTA for not letting it go once she made it clear that while she’s heard your opinion she’s not going to alter the location on her body to suit you.

mencryforme5 −  YTA. You are allowed to give your opinion, and she’s allowed to not agree with your opinion. Her body, her choice. End of story. To be extra clear: you are e**itled to hate her tattoo. You are not e**itled to constantly bring it up and try to pressure her not to get it. ETA because this is confusing people: OP never talked about divorce.

I’ve given no judgement about whether he would be TA for divorcing her over this. If he divorces her over her appearance, either his “uncontrollable attraction” was purely superficial, or it’s not about the tattoo. Regardless, OP is e**itled to divorce her for whatever damn petty or non-petty reason he wants to.

He could divorce her because she loads the dishwasher wrong and that’s his right, at the end of the day. He has the right to choose who he stays married to. What I’ve judged him on is whether he’s TA for repeatedly fighting and pressuring his wife to have an appearance he personally finds attractive, against her right to bodily autonomy. He’s TA for that.

And yes she’d be TA if the shoe was on the other foot. It takes a real special kind of i**ot to say “men don’t have the right to choose about their own bodies”. Is it a kind thing to do for her to forego the tattoo given his opinion? Yes. Is she TA for wanting to get a tattoo despite his opinion? No.

ramessides −  NTA. I know people don’t want to hear this, but when you’re in a marriage, any permanent changes your partner makes to their body affect you as well, and it’s not unreasonable to be able to have a say in it. If my partner suddenly put those awful spacers in his ear I would hate that. Likewise if I tattooed my face he wouldn’t be a fan of that either.

My dad hates a hairstyle my mum really likes having, and my mum hates a hairstyle my dad loves having. They compromise, because they’re married, and surprise, they have to be the ones to look at each other every day. If OP is going to have to look at his wife every day, then if she’s going to make permanent, altering decisions to her body, then he gets to express his opinion on it, as would she in the reverse.

Not only that, but if it’s going to be visible even when she’s wearing a shirt… OP, is your wife employed? Because in most industries that would be in the realm of a face tattoo, and they are not considered very professional and I have seen people get let go over it. Unless your body is completely covered everywhere else, hands and face should be left alone if you want to hold down a job or be able to find jobs down the line (for most industries—even industries that don’t care if you have full sleeves/legs).

EDIT: Misread the main post as saying OP’s wife’s tattoo would end at her jaw (headache). Please disregard the part about face tattoos in the third paragraph. I still, however, stand by the fact that if you’re in a marriage, you cannot just make major, permanent alterations to your body and just expect your partner to “put up and shut up” when it impacts your partner forever as well.

HiddenHoneybadgerz −  NTA, lot of weird people on here clearly not in long term relationships. I also think tattoos in that area are very unattractive, which for others is fine since it is their body and the tattoo isn’t for me, however those people are not my wife and I don’t have to see the tattoo every day. Ultimately it is up to her but I’m not sure I would stay with someone that just completely disregards my opinions.

Next-Grapefruit-6767 −  Nta, these answers are weird. I wldnt do something permanent to my body which I know my partner finds unattractive, and I hope he’d care about whether I find him attractive too and that would influence his actions.

JohnRedcornMassage −  NAH. It’s her body, her choice, but you’re allowed to dislike it. It’s simply a fact that people judge tattoos, and they can limit opportunities. it’s just more practical to get them in places you can easily cover.

ThisGuuuy2 −  NTA. Some of these comments are outrageous. Yes of course it’s her body her choice, but isn’t your partner allowed to express displeasure with something that permanently alters the way you look? If I told my wife I wanted an albert piercing, you best believe she is e**itled to voicing her displeasure about that, and one would think that in an equal relationship, a compromise ought to be reached where both sides can be happy with their decision and not hate each other once it’s done.

At the end of the day, it is her choice so you can’t do or say more than what you already have. If this is such an untenable situation for you, and if she is absolutely not willing to compromise no matter what, then I’m not sure what else there is for you to do except part ways.

melllow-yelllow −  NAH. She’s e**itled to modify her body in whatever way she wants to but you’re also e**itled to impart to her that it’s a turn off. This is unfortunately a “pick your battles” situation that no one wins.

harbjnger −  INFO: are chest tattoos so unattractive to you that it’s a dealbreaker? Are you worried that you’ll never be attracted to her again, or is it just like, something that might annoy you sometimes? Since you’ve already told her you’d prefer she not get it, I don’t really know what additional information you think she needs unless you think she just doesn’t understand *how* big of a deal it is to you.

Single-Kitchen-5144 −  YTA for repeatedly insisting, not for disliking the location. Let it go, bro.

Is the user being unreasonable for expressing discomfort with his wife’s tattoo placement, or is he justified in sharing his preferences? How do you think partners should navigate body autonomy in relationships? Share your thoughts below!