AITA for going to my sister’s dream school when she just got rejected?

A Reddit user shared their dilemma after being accepted to Cornell University, their twin sister’s dream school, while their sister was rejected despite having significantly stronger academic credentials. The situation has left the sister heartbroken and the user feeling torn between their desire to attend Cornell and their guilt about potentially hurting their sister further.

The user wonders if pursuing their own dream at the expense of their sister’s feelings makes them selfish. To find out more about the situation and how others responded, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for going to my sister’s dream school when she just got rejected?’

So, I got into Cornell last week. Honestly I think it was fluke. I’m not smart, at all. I got a 28 ACT, a decent GPA (because my school grade inflates considerably). I had some decent extracurriculars but nothing remotely competitive enough to get me to a school like Cornell. But anyways… My twin sister is the opposite of me.

She’s a GENIUS, she has way more impressive stats (34 ACT and she only took it once, compared to my 3 times), she has way better grades, way cooler extracurriculars. Everyone always looked up to her as the smart one. I didn’t and still don’t mind, it’s true.

The only reason I can fathom I got in and she didn’t is that she applied to the engineering college while I applied to Arts and Sciences (I don’t know if too many of you guys are familiar with Cornell, but they have a bunch of different colleges you can apply to, each with their different admission criteria).

Well last week, decisions for ivies came out. Unfortunately for my sister, she didn’t get into a single one, including her first choice (Cornell). She checked as SOON as it was available and called me bawling. I consoled her and told her everything was going to be okay, that who cares what school you go to,

that she was brilliant and was going to be successful no matter where she goes. Well anyways, I pretty much resolved that I was getting rejected, so I didn’t even bother to look at my email until later that night. Well, I guess surprises do happen sometime, because I’m a Cornellian. I got in. I just don’t know how but I did.

I really want to go guys. But this would devastate my sister. All week she’s been crying and solemn and sad. She’s been angry at her friends who got into top schools (especially the ones with lower stats). She’s decided to go to NYU, but she just hasn’t been herself. I haven’t told our parents (I think they assumed I didn’t get in because she didn’t).

Am I being selfish? Should I just go with her to NYC? We always thought we were going to school together but like… it’s Cornell. I couldn’t in a million years imagine I’d get in. I’ve been researching obsessively about it and I can’t shake the desire that if I don’t go, I’ll regret it.

Ithaca looks beautiful, it’s a small town (which I would LOVE to get away with from the huge city that is New York). It seems like a dream opportunity. Am I being a bad sister? I KNOW she would be upset; we were supposed to go to school together.

It would crush her. I really don’t have anyone else to talk to :(. AITA for going to her dream school? Especially considering how much harder she’s worked compared to me…

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

DClawdude −  Pre-edit: no assholes. Do not turn down an opportunity just to spare her feelings. You will likely wind up being resentful and thinking of what might have been. Seriously, congrats – it sucks she didn’t get in, but that is not your fault. You did, you earned it, enjoy.

No assholes bc it’s not like the sister knows and has been awful to you….yet Post-edit: NTA, sister is great, parents are the assholes, OP is probably just as smart as her sister but they have been running her down her whole life.

tezoatlipoca −  NAH and I think you should go. Your sister, as smart as you say she is, should realize that the competition to get into an ivy league engineering school is absolutely BONKERs and you being accepted to her dream school for a completely different faculty has absolutely nothing to do with her.

Thats not how college admissions work. Thats not how any of this works! You should NOT go to NYC just to be with your sister. Only go to NYC if that’s what you really want. You wanted Cornell, you got into Cornell. Go. If you go to NYC just to make your sister feel better it will slowly eat at you, the resentment will build and it will end not good.

You can tell your sister from another engineer (me): noone ultimately gives a s**t what college you went to for engineering; ok, a few do, but in my experience if they put to much into that aspect of their hiring decision, aka “where did you go to school” that you maybe don’t want to work there.

No, if she has an engineering degree from not-Hobo Bob’s Technical School Behind The 7-11, has decent grades, has a k**ler attitude and enthusiasm, noone will care where she got her engineering degree from.

[Reddit User] −  NAH. As a twin, I understand it can be hard to separate from your sister and see her hurt. But ultimately, you have to make the best choices for yourself. You guys will still have each other and can still be close. Tell her. See how she reacts, and see how she would feel. Ask for her permission.

I want to be clear that you DON’T need her permission, but I’m assuming if you two are as close as my brother and I, it would be a nice gesture that she’d appreciate, and she would give her blessing. Congrats on your acceptance.

speckled_pepper −  NAH It sounds like you have imposter syndrome, especially how you put down yourself and guild your sister’s academic accomplishments. You’re not being a bad sister, you’re being bad to yourself.

A hard lesson young adults start to experience once they hit college is that you can seemingly “do everything thing right” and still “fail to accomplish goals.” Totally false. Life is a not a recepie from here on out with a nice baked good at the end if followed perfectly. It’s a sandbox, and you’ll create whatever you please with the talents you have .

Your sister sounds brilliant so wherever she goes, she’ll do brilliantly. As for you, be proud that admissions saw potential that you don’t yet see in yourself and make the biggest, most badass sandcastle at Cornell. 🙂

OneTwoWee000 −  NTA Read the updates and this is a life defining moment. Go to Cornell. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder what if. Plus you can’t live your life for your sister. You’ll only end up resenting your circumstances, especially once she adjusts and finds happiness while you’re still struggling to find your place.

NYU is her path to follow. Cornell is yours. You’re young, but if you watched Gossip Girls you’d know Blair was in the same position. She didn’t get into her dream school, she was heartbroken and attended NYU as her back up. **Blair found her way eventually, and so will your sister.

You two are twin sisters, have an incredible bond that will last for life. It will survive going to different colleges, finding your life passions, finding love, and building your own lives post-college! Good luck!

[Reddit User] −  NAH. (Except your parents. Yikes.) Go to Cornell, if you decide it’s the best choice for you. NYU is a fantastic school; if your sister would have done great at Cornell, she’ll do great at NYU too. College is largely what you make of it, and NYU will have tons of amazing opportunities for her. Just please, please don’t make your decision out of guilt.

Also! If your sister still wants to go to Cornell after a year somewhere else, she can apply to transfer. People transfer all the time. Lastly, you and your sister are amazingly mature and thoughtful, especially given what your parents seem to be like. Be proud 🙂 MAJOR P.S. You *are* smart. Stop it with that negative self-talk. You just have different skills from your sister, and that is TOTALLY VALID.

Delanes_Brain −  INFO: If you wouldn’t have got in and she did, would she have skipped going there to go to the same school as you?

prettylittleliongirl −  NTA As a current Cornell student, please don’t undermine your accomplishments. The people who get into this school are brilliant- you are NOT the dumb sister. You’re just shining in your own light for the first time. Look at it this way: your sister will be successful ANYWHERE she goes, especially NYU.

While I’m confident you would too, Cornell has a ton of resources NYU does not have. I think that your sister will be happy for you. She’s your sister, your twin, and she wants you to be successful.

You won’t lose her love if you go to Ithaca, and if you do, there was never much their in the first place. She should be proud of your accomplishment, not diminish it.

[Reddit User] −  NAH. It’s sweet that you’re concerned about her feelings, but you have to make the decision you feel is best for you. She’s going to be upset whether or not you go, and although you going may make it worse, I’m sure she’ll understand once the initial disappointment passes.

And NYU is still a top-ranked school. I understand being disappointed about not getting into your top choice, but she should still be proud of herself.

poppingbones −  NAH but maybe some advice- don’t go to Cornell just because it’s Cornell. If you actually like their options/majors/etc, then go for it, but don’t just go because it has a good name. Obviously, NYU and Cornell are both very prestigious schools, so don’t feel like you’re downgrading by going to NYU.