AITA for going to dad’s house to eat with my little sister after school on mom’s parenting time?
A Reddit user shares a difficult situation involving their divorced parents and split custody. Struggling with food shortages at their mother’s house, the user and their younger sister have been going to their father’s house after school to eat, as their dad offers more food options.
When their stepfather discovered this, tensions rose, with accusations of selfishness for not bringing food back for the step and half siblings. Read the full story below to see how this family conflict over shared meals unfolded.
‘ AITA for going to dad’s house to eat with my little sister after school on mom’s parenting time?’
My parents are divorced and my sister (12F) and I (15M) split time between mom’s house and dad’s house. Our older brother (18M) lives with dad now. My mom is married and has stepkids and younger bio kids with her husband. They struggle financially and because of money issues, they also don’t have a lot of food at their house.
They get help from food pantries and stuff but they still don’t have a lot of food or choices. And some of it is older and not fresh/tasty. This isn’t enough to change custody. I’d like to live with dad and so would my sister. My brother felt the same. The judge doesn’t take what we want into account when we’re under 18 and I know that from my brother and the money issues and food issues didn’t make a difference either. We were in court last month and the judge said shared custody continues.
Dad gave us keys to his house and he always said we could go to his house after school and eat if we wanted to. So I take my sister and we eat there. My step and half siblings go to mom’s house and they normally wait until their dad or my mom gets home for dinner since there isn’t always enough for something after school.
We all qualify for free school lunches. Except the younger kids who go to daycare. My mom’s husband found out what we were doing the other week because he saw me and my sister leave dad’s house and walk back to his and mom’s house. He got out of work early.
He told mom and she confronted me about what we were doing at dad’s and then she asked if we got food there. I didn’t say yes but she figured it out and she told me it was disgusting to only take my sister or to bring nothing back for the other kids. She told me I should be ashamed. She yelled at dad too.
She told me I’m wrong to do something like that in such a s**fish way and she even asked me how I could do that every other week knowing I have siblings at her house that don’t eat after school until dinner. Her husband was super pissed too because he knows dad could afford for us to take stuff for the other kids but we don’t.. AITA?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Kaynico − NTA. It isnt your dad’s responsibility to feed anybody else’s kids. The judge won’t do anything because he’s limited to operate within the confines of the law as it’s written. Someone has to file a complaint against the mom for negligence for it to be logged with the court.
Either call CPS or go to your school social worker, explain that you and your sister are not provided adequate food at your mom’s house and that she is refusing to allow you to access the food resources readily available at your dad’s house, despite not being home herself.
Ask for a guardian ad litem to represent you and little sis in future custody litigation. Food restriction is something that CPS takes very, very seriously.
[Reddit User] − NTA – for going to your dad’s house to eat, particularly since there’s not much food at your mom’s. You’re just trying to make sure you and your sister are taken care of, and while your mom might be frustrated with the situation, it’s not your responsibility to feed the other kids. It’s up to her and her husband to handle that
BallComprehensive737 − NTA Tell your Mom how dare she continue to have children she can’t feed! This is not on you this is 100% on the adults.
forever_country_girl − Tell mom and step-dad that by eating at your dad’s house allow more of their food going to the rest of the family. Your dad is only responsible for his bio kids and the fact that he is feeding you even on his non-visitation days is actually saving your mom’s family money.
catladyclub − NTA…it is not your dads responsibility to feed kids that are not his. He is a great father to make sure you are being fed daily. Your mother should be grateful that he is making sure you eat and that takes a burden off of her. Your dad needs to get an attorney. Normally at your age you get a say where you live.
On a personal note if I was unable to feed my children on a regular basis I would let them live with dad until I was in a better situation. My children’s needs would come before my pride. It may be she is receiving child support and doesn’t want to give that up.
CallingThatBS − NTA. Mom should be the adult here and discuss with your father you and your sister spending more time at dads until she is in better financial ground. Not only will this benefit you/sister it will her stepchildren.
SweetBekki − NTA – maybe your mother shouldn’t have went on to have kids she couldn’t afford with your stepdad. It not yours or your dads responsibility to feed your half & step siblings.. – Continue to go to your dad’s after school.
Kooky-Today-3172 − NTA- She told YOU should be ashamed? She was the one who should be ashamed If not being able to provide to her kids. She should be ashamed If not letting you live with with the parents who is capable of talking care of you for what?
What kind of parent put their pride above their children’s comfort? An your stepfather who had more kids he can pay for wanting your dad feed kids who are nothing his. Doesn’t he feel ashamed?!
Madmattylock − NTA. It’s not you or your dad’s responsibility to feed their kids. They should be grateful he feeds the 2 of you and lessens the burden on them.
Major_Friendship4900 − NTA. It isn’t your fault your mom and stepdad decided to have kids they couldn’t afford.
Was it wrong for the Redditor to prioritize his and his sister’s needs by eating at their father’s house without sharing with their step-siblings, or were they justified given the situation? How would you navigate the complexities of food and family dynamics in a shared custody arrangement? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!