AITA for going no contact because my family wants my crazy ex to have my baby ?

A married man (32M) with a husband and three children is being pressured by his family to provide his genetic material to his manipulative and abusive ex-fiancée (31F), Sarah, who cannot have children with her husband due to his medical condition. Despite Sarah’s history of cheating, abuse,

and deception, the man’s mother and extended family insist he owes her this due to their past and a supposed miscarriage she had. He refused, prioritizing his current family’s wishes and well-being, but his family has vilified him, and his mother dismissed his boundaries,

implying regret over his same-sex marriage. He’s now considering going no contact with his family. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for going no contact because my family wants my crazy ex to have my baby ?’

This is a throwaway account my ex knows my reddit. Kind of emotional and dyslexic. So I 32(m) am a married man. I have a happy life. Big home, three kids, and a loving husband. I am bisexual if that makes it less confusing. We had two surrogates. So prior to my husband I dated my ex 31(f). Lets call her Sarah.

Sarah was my first love. She was very kind to me at first and we did everything together. We went to prom,went to college, and I even proposed to her. She was my queen and I would do anything to make her happy. A year into our proposal she moved into my apartment. This is when I saw the true Sarah.

Sarah worked a manager job at a popular drugstore. So I did not think it was weird when she was home kind of late. I just assumed she was closing the store. I was wrong. I found out from friends that Sarah was having fun with the whole neighborhood and then some.

She would go to the hotels and wash up before coming home to me. I confronted her and she denied this. Weeks later I got something I thought was just a UTI and it wasn’t. Antibiotics fixed it. I asked her what was going on and she accused me of cheating while she was working.

That was easily disproven because i am a nerd and play dnd with friends who proved i was with them. While I thought she was at work or with girlfriends.
This was in videos and so she had to fess up. I asked what made her want to cheat. I blamed myself and my internship for her change in behavior.

I thought maybe we needed more date nights. I forgave her and believed her when she said she was going to change. She did not and she was just more sneaky about it. I found out she was still doing it and my life went from bad to worse. Sarah got pregnant but the baby may have not been mine.

My family told me to accept this baby and accept her. By this point our bedroom life was practically nonexistent. We had been arguing more and she always ran to my mom. Making it seem like I was abusing her. This is with me with glass in my arm. Scratches on my face and bruises from her hitting me.

She had no marks on her. So I don’t get why my mom believed I was hurting her. I couldn’t take her mental and physical abuse and dumped her. She ran to my family. My family took her side and told me to man up and be a dad. I said I will man up when I can get a DNA test.

One day she suddenly was not pregnant she said it was a miscarriage from my abuse. But one of my boys said they saw her at planned parenthood. I told this to my mom and she did not believe me. For a while I went no contact with my mom. That was till I married my husband who is my childhood best friend.

He convinced me to make up with her and my siblings. He made feel happy again. He was not messing with my head. He was loyal. And before I knew it we were starting a life together. Recently my ex got in contact with my mom. They still talk from time to time because she is sweet to my parents.

Just not to me. She asked if she can have my genetic material to have a baby. Her current husband has Azoospermia. So they can’t have a kid. Apparently we look very similar and she wants a baby that looks like her husband. My mom said I should do it so I can have more kids and makeup for the miscarriage.

Which she still believes happened. I said no. My husband said no and my kids dont want a sibling from her. They remember what she did at a family gathering. However my family is calling me an a**hole for not wanting Sarah to carry my baby.

I sort of feel like my mom just wants me to have a “normal” marriage. Since she has said in the past that I wouldn’t need a surrogate if my partner was female. She is nice to my husband to his face but i think she regrets me marrying him. Even my extended family is telling me to do it.

But my mom is the main matriarch of my family. So if she says something everyone says it. But I just don’t want this to cause problems with my family and our lives. My mom and ex are making me seem like I am being petty. I said if they keep pressuring me i will go no contact.

Mom said “If you do then don’t expect anyone to miss you. You let this girl go for a man. The least you can do is give us a male grandchild.” Am I in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this.. AITA. 

See what others had to share with OP:

fuzzy_mic −  This woman physically abused you. YWBTA if you took any step to get a child into her care.

trivialgroup −  NTA. Sarah is toxic for you. Your mom is toxic to you, not only for supporting your toxic ex, but also directly to you for not accepting your actual family.

ConsciousNectarine9 −  Hooo boy. That’s a whole lot to unpack dude.. NTA Please go nc with these people. They’re not true family and they don’t give a damn about you. If the fruit loop continues on this narrative please seek a restraining order.

P.s I’m glad you found someone that makes you happy. But make sure he’s on the same wavelength in regards to nc. They’ve had their chance and they’ve blown it.

Lazuli_Rose −  NTA. At this point, it’s best to just cut your losses as far as your mom is concerned. She’s clearly bi-phobic. It sounds extreme to go NC with your mom but does she actually bring any joy and happiness into your life? I’m sorry and it sucks but I think you would be better off without her around your husband and kids.

OpinionatedPoster −  NTA You are absolutely not wrong. Also, once Sarah has a baby from you she’ll demand (and win) child support from you. The road downhill is very long, you’ll never be able to completely get rid of her. Be happy for your own kids and do not provide weapons for your ex because she is going to use it on you.

BeachinLife1 −  NO is a complete sentence. You don’t need to reason, argue, or justify ANYTHING to your mother or anyone else. Where is this “genetic material?” I am hoping it’s nowhere that your mom could get access to it.

Whatever facility it’s at, you need to call them and make them flag your file with a giant WARNING that if anyone tries to access it, you are to be called immediately, and that NO one can access anything of yours unless you are there IN PERSON.

Paula_Intermountain −  NTA. Not even the tiniest bit. She can go with a sperm bank. Better yet, she shouldn’t have any kids. She’d be a terrible mother.

childishbambina −  NTA it is wild that Sarah thinks she’s in any position to demand your genetic material. You are well within your right to deny her request, especially since your children don’t want to have any siblings with her. You don’t owe anyone anything and you should go NC with your mom and family for how toxic they are being.

VinylHighway −  She could and would sue you for child support.. Your mom is a b**ch

Dresden_Mouse −  Time to cut mom from your life

Is it fair for his family to demand such a sacrifice, given Sarah’s past actions and the harm caused? Should he sever ties to protect his peace and his family’s happiness? what do you think? share your thoughts below!