AITA for giving my daughter’s things back that were taken away as punishment?

A 31-year-old mother recounts a disagreement with her husband over punishing their 7-year-old daughter. After their daughter found a lost puppy and played with it, neighbors initially accused her of stealing it, leading her father to assign extra chores as punishment.

When the neighbors later admitted the mistake, the daughter refused to do the chores, insisting she didn’t deserve them. The mother backed her daughter, believing that accepting unfair punishment sends the wrong message.

This disagreement led to a heated argument with her husband, who felt the principle of obedience was more important. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for giving my daughter’s things back that were taken away as punishment?’

I’m 31 and my husband is 30. Our daughter is 7, and she found a puppy in the front yard and played with it. Turns out it belonged to our neighbors, who were looking for it. They accused her of stealing it, and my husband gave her extra chores. She refused to do them, saying she didn’t steal the puppy.

The neighbors came to apologize a bit later, as their son confessed to losing the puppy on a walk when he took it’s leash off. That’s how it ended up on our yard. I came home that evening and my husband explained this. He said she should be disciplined for not doing the chores.

I said she was right to not accept unearned punishment. He said it’s the principle, and she should listen to her father. I said I would rather die than teach her that she should lay down and accept mistreatment. We argued and he called me unreasonable. Aita?

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Discount_Mithral −  NTA. My bigger red flag here is your husband’s actions through all of this. He took the word of a stranger over his own child, assigned a punishment based on a misunderstanding that was later cleared up, but refuses to lift the punishment and apologize for his actions toward your daughter.

His arbitrary:. she should listen to her father. is the bigger red flag for me. He refuses to back down and admit when he is wrong and is keeping up with an unearned punishment he wants to double down on because she fought against it in the first place when it was wrongly assigned.

OP – please keep an eye on this, I’m not saying it IS CURRENTLY a**sive behavior, but it’s got the leanings of possible future a**sive behavior. There is nothing wrong with punishing a child when they actually do something wrong, but there is everything wrong with not admitting to being in the wrong and refusing to apologize when needed. Your husband is an AH.

AuntTeebo −  I got into it with my husband one time years ago. My oldest son, (from 1st marriage), was maybe 12 at the time. Making a box of Mac n cheese for lunch for himself and little brother. When it came time to put in the butter, he did exactly what he’d eseen me do dozens of times…

slice it up so it melts faster before pouring in cold milk. For some reason, husband took issue with him cutting up this little quarter stick of butter. Told him to just drop it in and stir it up and it will melt just fine. My son finished slicing it up while hubby got more irritated.

I stepped in trying to explain he’s just doing it how he’s seen me do it, and trying to figure out why the hell it was such a big deal, like am I missing something that’s wrong about slicing butter?? Turned out that husband got mad because my son didn’t immediately do what he said.

We had a reeeallly long discussion about that kind of attitude. Fortunately he learned his lesson on what is important to make an issue out of and what isn’t. And slicing butter is NOT a major issue.

Jmfroggie −  Nta. Your husband needs to grow the F up! Part of being a person, especially an adult, is knowing when to admit you made a mistake and apologizing for it! It doesn’t matter if it’s to a child or another adult. He is being unreasonable.

It’s one thing to consider the words of a stranger and then listen to your child. People will lie, or misunderstand, – that goes for kids AND adults. Why would your husband believe your child was capable of stealing someone’s pet?? That’s a pretty clear I know my kid didn’t do this type of thing.

And usually rephrasing a question or explaining things gets a kid that young to admit what they did even if inadvertently. The biggest takeaway here is that STRANGERS CAME BACK TO APOLOGIZE for their accusation but dad can’t manage to apologize to his own child not only for not believing her, but levying a punishment with ZERO facts.

No one should blindly listen to an adult when the adult is wrong- that sets a TERRIBLE precedent of a child not knowing when it’s safe to refuse anything from unwanted contact from a family member or being forced to do something they know is wrong!!

East_Parking8340 −  No, you’re not. He, however, is doing her best to teach her that he will punish her regardless of whether she’s guilty or not. What he **should** have done was apologised for not believing her, apologised for not looking deeper into it and apologised for imposing (and is still trying) to impose a punishment for an infraction she did not commit.

It seems that he will complete mental gymnastics to prove he’s never wrong. If he repeats this type of behaviour you will end up with a child who not only distrusts her father but also dislikes him, will keep him at a distance and when the teenage years hit will actively show their disregard for him.. NTA

Tranqup −  OP NTA, but both your neighbors and your husband are. Why did your husband immediately believe the neighbors when they claim your daughter stole their puppy? Does he believe she has thievery tendencies?

OP, you were not wrong to cancel the extra chores, but I think your husband should probably take some parenting classes, and work on being a better parent.

MaybeitsMe0617 −  NTA – your husband is trying to instill blind obedience. You daughter obviously has strong critical thinking skills. Unfortunately, this will likely continue because a lot of parents want obedient children more than children that can think for themselves.

International_Yam_80 −  Daughter is right. She didn’t do it! Why do the punishment if you didn’t do it. That is like you are pressed to say sorry, for something you haven’t done.
Also she is just 7. What kind of chores did he want her to do anyway? And she is already doing some chores anyway if I read this correctly. Honestly sounds like you have a husband problem. Someone who cant say he was wrong.

AgeRevolutionary3907 −  NTA, your husband is. What principle is he teaching your daughter? that no matter if she is right or wrong if someone with more power than her wants to punish her, it doesn’t matter if she is innocent?

Aggravating-Item9162 −  NTA. What “principle” is he trying to instill other than blind obedience? F**k that

Current_Difficulty88 −  NTA, OP, please keep arguing about this and don’t let up. Your husband’s in the wrong and what he’s doing is teaching your daughter that it doesn’t matter what’s right or wrong or if you’re guilty, you listen to dad.

He’s also teaching her that you can’t change your opinion, you have to reiterate it and argue so that you’re always right. Sometimes when you learn more information your opinion or views change, she should be allowed to do that.

My dad was the exact same way when I was growing up and I could barely stand him, I didn’t wanna be near him and would leave when he came in the room. It was easier just not talking to him because I didn’t know what would set him off or what ridiculous thing I’d be yelled at for.

I moved out a few years ago and we’re a couple hours away from each other, our relationship only got repaired because I started calling him out on his behaviour and he started understanding what I was saying, we’re now really close.

Your husband starts breaking the trust and relationship every time he punishes her or yells without reasoning. Eventually she won’t like him or will act out/have behaviour problems and then it’ll just get worse. He may have only done it once but it just takes a few times for it to become a pattern. Best wishes💛

This story raises questions about discipline and fairness in parenting. Should the daughter have followed her father’s orders, or was the mother right in defending her from an unjust punishment?