AITA for giving FMIL 3 days to pay me for a new wedding dress or else I show the family a photo of her wearing it?

A Redditor (F) is getting married soon and bought a wedding dress worth $3,000. After their future mother-in-law (FMIL) persisted in trying on the dress despite repeated refusals, the Redditor found FMIL wearing the dress without permission.

In response, the Redditor demanded FMIL pay for a new dress within three days or else they would share a photo of FMIL in the dress with the family. This escalated tensions with both FMIL and their fiancé. The Redditor is now questioning if they overreacted. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for giving FMIL 3 days to pay me for a new wedding dress or else I show the family a photo of her wearing it?’

So, I’m getting married to my fiance soon. I bought my wedding dress weeks ago. His my (FMIL) kept pestering me about trying it on but I firmly refused. I finally shut it down after she offered me 100$ to let her try it on. Her reasoning for presisting so much? She says it’s because of her “love” for wedding dresses and her o**ession with them.

Fast forward to yesterday, I came home from work early and I found my fiance at home. He freaked out after seeing me and tried to prevent me from going into my room while trying to text somebody on his phone. I opened the door and was shocked to see his mom standing there wearing my dress.

I instantly pulled out my phone and took a photo of her in it. Sheand my fiance freaked out after I told her that she needed to pay me for a new dress in 3 days or else I’ll show the whole family the photo.

She started crying and then left and my fiance blew up at me saying I can’t be serious and that I overreacted because his mom just wanted to try the dress on, no harm done. But I refused to listen to him because in my opinion, the dress should only be worn by the bride and the bride only.

quite frankly, I felt disgusted looking at the dress again, I don’t want it anymore. And so I think it’s fair that she pays me after she ruined it for me. He yelled at me. and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that as if she was an enemy. We had a fight after he failed to get me to back down and he’s been staying with his mom since then.

I felt awful, but I spent 3k on this dress and worked hard .to get it, I can’t stand looking at it but people in my family think I’m escalating things and risking my relationship with not only FMIL but my fiance as well.. AITA?

Update: Oh My God! This blew up, and so I thought I’d add some updates. My fiance called and offered to pay for the dress himself so we can “end the conflict” but he wants me to :

* hand him my phone so he can delete the photo himself.

* Swear that I don’t have any copies to “use” against his mom later.. * Apologize to his mom.

* And lastly, He asked that I quit his family group chat and log out of facebook for at least a month.. I haven’t responded yet.

P.s He called with this offer/conditions hours ago but I didn’t want to include this in the post but now I did. Also, I’m not sure if I’ll agree because I don’t want him to pay for it, I want his mom, the one who wore it to pay for it. Not being vicious but trying to hold her accountable.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Moose-Live −  NTA, but are you sure you want to marry this guy? He stood guard outside your bedroom so that his mother could **try on your wedding dress**. Do you think he will *ever* stand up for you against her?

Edit: thank you for the awards! ☆☆☆

Also: I think all the “i**est” suggestions are *way* off base. He’s just an AH who can’t say no to his mother and is prepared to deceive OP if it will shut his mother up. His mother OTOH is controlling, m**ipulative, and deceitful, and will probably be an absolutely horrible MIL should OP choose to go through with this marriage..

Edit 2: I think all the “i**est” suggestions are *way* off base. This was in reference to the suggestions that OP’s fiancé was in, or looking for, a physical relationship with his mother. Emotional i**est is a very distinct possibility. Thanks to everyone who pointed this out.

aterriblefriend0 −  NTA, but the problem isn’t just your FML. It’s your fiance. HE let her in. HE was going to lie and hide from you that she tried it on. HE is defending her actions. HE disrespected your belongings. HE didn’t care about your feelings and still doesn’t. HE has shown he doesn’t care about your boundaries. HE decided his mother’s want to try it on is more important than your feelings, and that won’t go away when you’re married.

Personally? My petty self would call off the engagement, and the announcement of that would be the picture of his mom in the wedding dress stating, “Unfortunately, I can not marry ______. It appears he’s already married and emotionally committed to his mother” At the bare minimum you should postpone until he can respect your boundaries.

Connect-Yam5209 −  He knowingly went behind your back to help his mom try on your dress. He knew it was wrong, he knew you would be upset and yet he did it anyway. Then he doubled down and defended his mother when you caught them. You don’t have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem. Do not marry with this man without addressing and resolving this issue. It will literally only get worse from here.. ​. NTA

elodieitsbeenawhile −  Why would you marry someone who went against your wishes like this and then treated you like the villain for being upset your boundaries were crossed?

[Reddit User] −  NTA but girl why would you marry this man? He LET his MOTHER WEAR YOUR WEDDING DRESS. That doesn’t make your skin crawl?

Champi_Feuille −  NTA but honestly don’t ask for money. He stood guard while his mom tried on your dress, you really wanna get stuck in a relationship like this? Show the photo to everyone, cancel the wedding and d**p his ass. You deserve better than that.

Phoenix612 −  NTA. He yelled at mr and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that. This is concerning. Wake up to what? That he’s always going to take her side? What about how she treated you when she violated a very simply boundary of not fricking wearing your dress. Its insane that not only did she ask, she asked repeatedly.

Diasies_inMyHair −  NTA. You might want to reconsider the wedding altogether. Your fiancee allowed her in, was trying to cover for her, and then blew up at you for being upset!

**Did she model the dress for him?** Because if she did or was going to, I’m afraid that would be a dealbreaker for me, the whole idea of the Groom seeing his Mother in the wedding gown BEFORE the Bride wears it is just….gross. Even worse if the Groom were on board with that.

perfectpomelo3 −  INFO: why are you still going through with the wedding? Return the dress and the fiancé.

ReviewOk929 −

1. Fiance betrayed your trust

2. FMIL did something she knew would upset you.

3. Your fiance yelled at you

4. Look you maybe being slightly unreasonable with replacing the dress but why the f**k you would still go through with the wedding is beyond me…..

5. Neither of them care about you and what you think and feel….

6. Little bit of everyone sucking but on balance NTA

Boundaries with family can be tough, especially when it involves something as significant as a wedding dress. Do you think the Redditor’s reaction was justified, or did they go too far? Share your thoughts below!