AITA for giving away the spare key to my sister instead of my girlfriend’s parents?

A Redditor, who recently moved in with their girlfriend, shared that they gave the spare key to their sister, reasoning that she lived closer and could respond more quickly in emergencies. However, their girlfriend disagreed, as their sister and she don’t get along well, and the sister had previously used the spare key without permission.

The Redditor acknowledges they should have informed their girlfriend beforehand and made a duplicate for the girlfriend’s parents. Now, the girlfriend is upset, and the Redditor wonders if their decision was wrong. Read the full story below to decide if the Redditor’s actions were justified.

‘ AITA for giving away the spare key to my sister instead of my girlfriend’s parents?’

I (M) and my girlfriend of 3 years moved in together into our new apartment.  I’ll get to the point — I wanted to give our spare key to my sister, who lives closer to us than her parents, who lives in another city. I reasoned that a spare key is for emergencies, and it’d be more logical to give it to someone who lives closer, like my sister.

My gf didn’t agree with me because my sister doesn’t like her much, so she isn’t comfortable with her having easy access to our apartment. Also, she had the spare to our previous apartment and had used it without our permission. But, later, she did tell us that she’d be crashing there for an hour or so because she felt carsick.

I thought it was fine, and my gf didn’t say anything, so I assumed that she was okay with it. But, she has been bringing it up lately. I’d like to clarify that my sister has done that only once, and I still think that it was fine; she wasn’t feeling well.

Anyway, giving a spare wasn’t a big deal, so I gave it to my sister, and also made a duplicate for her parents. My gf wasn’t thrilled with my action, and that I should have told her beforehand. While I admit I goofed for not telling her about the duplicate. I’ve apologized for that. Again, I reasoned that a spare key should be given to someone living closer to us. And if she wants to, then we can give another to a friend.

But she’s still mad and she is giving me the cold shoulders. I think this was an unnecessary argument, and it’s a win-win situation; everyone’s getting a key.. AITA here?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Main_Blueberry4301 −  Oh, YTA. What kind of win-win are you talking? Not only can her parents go through your stuff (which they never did) but so can your sister (who already did and was even caught once and only confessed that because there was evidence against her). Had it only been an accident and had she really needed to rest being carsick, a reasonable thing would be to tell you right away, the second day latest.

Also if you’re feeling well enough to get into somebody’s flat while being carsick, you are also well enough to send an informative message at least. Your girlfriend is totally right if she doesn’t want your sister to have a chance to invade your girl’s privacy this easily. Hell, you should not be okay with somebody who doesn’t like your girlfriend having access to your girlfriend’s stuff!

Scenarioing −  “My gf didn’t agree with me because my sister doesn’t like her much, so she isn’t comfortable with her having easy access to our apartment. Also, she had the spare to our previous apartment and had used it without our permission.”. GF has a legit point. “My sister has done that only once”. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. “Giving a spare wasn’t a big deal”.

Are you out of your mind? It absolutely is a big deal. I goofed for not telling her about the duplicate.”. Goofed is an understatement. “I think this was an unnecessary argument, and it’s a win-win situation; everyone’s getting a key.” You ARE out of your mind and 100% YTA here. I wouldn’t even want YOU to have a key if I was your GF.

NJtoOx −  YTA. You have a spare key to your shared home to someone your girlfriend explicitly said she felt uncomfortable having one. It is not a win win situation, you gave a spare key to someone who doesn’t like your girlfriend and has a history of entering your home without permission. Why would you ever think that’s acceptable? If you lived alone, sure give your boundary stomping sister a spare key because it would only impact you. But you live with someone else now! Get that key back from your sister and stop only thinking of yourself ffs.

NyxOrTreat −  YTA. I fail to see how this is a win-win. Lets break this down: (1) You decided that your sister is the one who should have a spare; (2) your gf disagrees because your sister makes her uncomfortable; (3) you invalidate her reasons why she doesn’t want your sister to be the spare-key bearer and give your sister the spare anyway; (4) gf is mad at you. Did I miss something?

Is it a win-win because you don’t care about your gf or her feelings? To me this is a win-lose (win: you got what you wanted; lose: you have to live with a gf mad that someone she doesn’t trust can get into her place and also mad that someone she loves violated her trust by giving said untrusted person a key).

It’s your gf’s apartment too. She has a right to say that she doesn’t want someone to have access to her living space. Your responsibility is to respect that and find an alternative you both agree on, so that no one is uncomfortable with the people who can get into your apartment. Instead you bulldozed her feelings on the matter because *you* don’t think it’s a big deal.

electricgoop −  YTA imo, that’s your gf’s home and 1) it’s clear your sister doesn’t like her and 2) your sister has taken advantage of having a spare key before without prior permission (regardless of why). I’d feel PO’d if I were in your gf’s position.

laughinglovinglivid −  YTA for giving the spare key to someone your girlfriend doesn’t want having free access to her home, and someone who also has used your living space without permission.

CartoonistPrize8186 −  YTA. Your logic is correct about the spare being with someone closer geographically, but it’s your approach that makes you the AH. Your sister has already broken trust by entering without permission once (reason is irrelevant), and you know there is bad blood between sister and girlfriend.

You do not give out keys to an apartment that isn’t solely yours, without agreeing it with the other person first. Your girlfriend is entitled to feel comfortable in her own home without worrying that someone who doesn’t like her could burst in at any moment.

EsotericMango −  YTA. If you take away all the details, you gave a spare key to someone your gf isn’t comfortable having said spare key. You gave someone easy access to your home when one of the residents in that home didn’t want that person to have that access.

You disregarded your gf’s wishes because you thought your “logic” trumped their comfort and feelings. Then, instead of actually taking your gf’s concerns into account, you listed a bunch of other reasons to try and justify your decision when those reasons just further support why your sister shouldn’t have a spare key.

pinkhello44 −  It’s her home too. She doesn’t feel comfortable with the situation. And you continue to ignore her requests.

TemptingPenguin369 −  YTA. This is not just your apartment to make unilateral decisions for; it’s also your gf’s apartment and you both should have an equal vote here. Your sister has used a spare key to a previous apartment in a non-emergency situation and your gf is uncomfortable with letting her have a key again. How many emergencies have you had where a non-tenant has needed access to your apartment, anyway? Don’t you have any local friends you both trust to have your spare key?