AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he asked if he could cheat on me?
A Reddit user shares how her boyfriend of a year and a half recently asked if he could be intimate with another girl “just for fun” and “to try it out.” Shocked and heartbroken by this request, she has been ghosting him since the conversation, leaving him blowing up her phone. Now, she’s wondering if she’s in the wrong for ignoring him. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he asked if he could cheat on me?’
I’m sorry if this is all over the place but I’m honestly still in shock and don’t really know what to say and English is not my first language. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a bit over 1 and a half year. 1 year ago he met my parents and around Christmas he came to meet my extended family aswell, they all adore him and we have been in a good relationship so far.
We currently live about 1 and a half hour appart and we are both stil in school so we see eachother once or twice a month. Our intimate life always seemed fulfilling to him, he was never really able to make me “finish”. We are going on vacation in 10 days and my parents have invited him to come along, ofcourse I was really excited about this because my father is normally quite strict.
I honestly thought I had it all, he was nice and caring, we would game and call together everyday and when we would see eachother we did fun activities and we both met eachother’s family. His family adores me and mine andores him. I lost my grandparents at a young age so his family really felt like mine too. I know 1 and a half year is not that much but we really had a good connection.
An hour ago he sends me a text that he needs to tell me something. He asked if he could have intimacy with a girl in town just “for the fun of it” and “to try it out” I love him deeply and can’t imagine my life without him because I really thought he would be the one I married. I didn’t break up with him but I don’t know if I can get over this. I’ve just been ghosting him and I don’t know what to do. He’s blowing up my phone. So AITA for ignoring him?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Hiscuteblondewife − Please love yourself first. You need to get out of the “I can’t live without him” mindset or you’ll keep suffering. You can find someone else to game with and talk to on the phone.
JohnRedcornMassage − NTA. He’s going to do it regardless of whether you say yes or no.. Just move on.
random_user2855 − I don’t know how to update because it’s my first time using reddit, sorry for that. Some people are suggesting things like he might be into that or want an open relationship. But I hope you do understand that he broke my trust, because we do not live close he could have already done it in secret, there is no way to know that.
And that is something I can’t get over. Along with the fact that he has expressed his hate for open relationships and that this is something he doesn’t understand. Because “you should stick with the person you love and its weird to have multiple people” perhaps his way of looking at this has changed but I’m rather heartbroken by this request of his.
I was not ghosting him out of spite, I don’t know if anyone else went trough this but they clearly don’t understand how much of an impact this makes when he is the only person I talk to everyday, perhaps relationships aren’t that serious anymore, maybe not to him either. But to me it was, this was someone I wanted to spend my life and have children with.
It’s not easy to just break up. I do think I should because I don’t see myself getting over this and he will never have my trust again. Anyway I was just really shocked and could barely breathe, panic attacks etc. So ghosting was a way of distancing myself to process, my bestfriend got upset and told me to talk to him, that is why I posted on AITA. I will probably have a talk with him now but thanks for anyone who supported me and gave advice.
maidenmothercrone333 − NTA, but OP, chances are he’s already has s** with her, and if he hasn’t, he probably will no matter what you say. Also – he finishes and never makes sure you do?! After 18 months?! That’s a s**fish p****. Honestly, that’s worse than him asking for your permission to cheat! Please d**p this guy – you can find better in a grocery store parking lot than this s**fish AH.
jjj68548 − Text back “Sure, it’s your life. Do as you please since I am no longer apart of it. Take care now.” Then block him. Wtf was he thinking asking for permission to cheat. Some guys are idiots.
Electronic_Fox_6383 − I mean, I’m not normally a big fan of ghosting, but he’ll know exactly what he did wrong so there’s really no need to spell it out for him. I’d say if ever an occasion called for it, it’s this one. Ghost away! And good luck to you. There’s someone better for you out there. NTA
celticmusebooks − **I don’t know what to do.** You know what you need to do, you just don’t want to do it. Are you okay with being with a man who cheats on you– because he’s going to and honestly he most likely already has. If you stay with him this will be your life going forward.
Why would you chose that for yourself? Maya Angelou said “When people tell you who they are believe them the first time.” Your boyfriend just told you that he’s a c**ater. Believe him. Stop ghosting him and just block him. Go on vacation with your parents and have a great time.
Tinka_Pobalinka − Why do you still call him ‘your boyfriend’? Is this not over for you?
bopperbopper − You have done the correct thing. He basically notified you he didn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you, and you do want an exclusive relationship so you dropped him.. All you can do is set a boundary. “I am only interested in a monogomous relationship. It seems you are not so we are not compatible. Best of luck but do not contact me again.”
HankScorpio4242 − “Only if I can do her first.”
Do you think the user was justified in ghosting her boyfriend after his shocking request, or should she confront him and have an open discussion? What would you do in her situation? Share your thoughts below!