AITA for getting my sister chocolate for Christmas after she hasn’t put any effort into my gifts?

A Reddit user shared their holiday dilemma after choosing to gift their sister a chocolate box instead of the thoughtful gifts they usually buy. Frustrated by years of receiving impersonal and regifted presents, despite always putting effort into their sister’s gifts, the user decided to scale back this Christmas.

When the sister found out, she was upset, and their father demanded the user get her something more thoughtful. Was the user wrong for not putting as much effort into their sister’s gift this year? Read the full story below and share your thoughts.

‘ AITA for getting my sister chocolate for Christmas after she hasn’t put any effort into my gifts?’

I (18NB) am getting my sister (15F) a chocolate box for Christmas this year because for years now she has not bothered with my gifts at all, Christmas or birthday. Usually she gives me stuff she’s been gifted in the past like bathbombs or makeup which I can’t use due to skin irritation and also feeling gender dysphoria when I wear makeup. She is well aware of this as I politely tell her when I open the presents.

She doesn’t have a job and therefore no income which she uses as an excuse despite the fact our parents give her quite a bit of money to buy people gifts for Christmas and birthdays. Last Christmas, she got our stepsister the dress and book she had asked for whereas I got an eyeshadow palette that I had seen her using the week prior and I notebook I had given her for school which she hadn’t used. I thanked her for it but later reminded her that I couldn’t use the makeup. She shrugged and said “well at least I got you something”.

What upsets me the most is our dad has a whole thing about us getting gifts for relatives that have a lot of thought and meaning. I say us but it seems this rule only applies to me. I get her the things she asks for every birthday and Christmas. I pay attention when she mentions wanting something in passing and make sure to get it for her when her birthday and Christmas come up. She doesn’t.

A few weeks ago, I did my Christmas shopping and I knew she wanted two specific posters for her room but decided because she has made little to no effort for me, I would get her a box of chocolates from Hotel Chocolat. I got a type of box she has said she likes in the past though just because I didn’t want to be an utter j**k.

This evening (the 22nd of December) we were having dinner and my sister mentioned she was going out tomorrow to do last minute Christmas shopping. I said “are you actually going to get me something you’ve never owned this year?” as a joke which I realise I shouldn’t have. She said “what’s that supposed to mean?” and I mentioned how she never puts effort into any of my gifts where I always do.

Then I said “well, as I always did” which was a bit of a d**k move on my part. She asked me what I meant and kept demanding to know what I got her for Christmas despite me telling her it would ruin the surprise. Our dad chimed in and demanded to know what I got her so I said “a chocolate box from Hotel Chocolat”.

She went off at me saying that she didn’t want a chocolate box, she wanted posters and I responded “you never bother with my gifts, why should I do the same?”. My dad is saying I need to go out tomorrow and my sister is calling me selfish and ungrateful. I feel quite childish and have apologised to her but she doesn’t care. I just want to know AITA for getting her a chocolate box for Christmas?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

RedPandasAreCuties −  NTA. Your dad is being hypocritical. My family is like this, always favoring my sister whenever I call her out for treating me badly. I don’t speak to any of them anymore as an adult. Even though your comment was emotionally reactive, your action to give the chocolate is reasonable, especially because you still bought something new and something you remembered she liked.

Don’t get another gift, and ignore their ridiculous comments. I’m sorry your sister is acting that way. Giving those posters at this point would be enabling her behavior to treat you badly and giving in to your dad trying to enable her and punish you for her bad behavior. Keep your head up, you’re kind and it’s ok to enforce boundaries.

Sue_in_Victoria −  NTA for getting her chocolate. But you should have kept your mouth shut during the discussion. Now you look like a spiteful person even though you’re pretty justified imho. When someone treats you like less of a priority over and over again, take the hint – they aren’t going to just magically change if you point out their b**lshit. They’ll just gaslight you and you’ll end up putting in MORE effort, which will be matched with even less gratitude on their part.

FragrantImposter −  The real question is, why didn’t you just keep the makeup, bath stuff, and notebooks to regift to her right back?

heatseekingdinosaurs −  Return the chocolate, get yourself something, tell her to keep whatever she was going to get you. At this point it doesn’t seem worth it to exchange gifts.

o2low −  NTA I’d be regifting her crappy gifts right back. She can’t say they’re rubbish because she’s given them to you…..

Icy-Sprinkles-3033 −  NTA. For whatever reason (though I believe her giving you makeup is a big hint), your sister doesn’t care enough about you to bother with real gifts, so don’t go out of your way to bother with hers. If your father thinks her actions are acceptable, then let him give her the gifts she wants. The inequality is real here and hurtful, so don’t give either of them much of anything and DON’T let them steal your joy.

Emotional_Fan_7011 −  NTA. Keep the chocolate for yourself and don’t give her anything. Or, maybe an ‘IOU’ for when you start treating me better.

LowerMine815 −  INFO: has your sister always done this since you were small, or when did it start? Also, you mention that she had specific posters that she wanted you to get her. Do you give her a list as well, and if you do, how expensive are the items on your list?

jaybull222 −  NTA – But now I’m having a mental crisis because I got my sister chocolates for Christmas because I genuinely thought it would be a nice gift. I mean, who doesn’t like chocolate?

BrilliantEmphasis862 −  NTA your dad is being a little bit of an AH not applying his gift rules to your sister. Low effort get rewarded with low effort.