AITA for getting my mom’s friend kicked out?

A Reddit user is grappling with guilt after their severe anxiety led them to express discomfort about their mom’s new friend spending the night on their couch. The mom asked the friend—who has been living in his car—to leave after the user voiced their concerns. While they feel bad for the friend, they believe the situation could have been avoided with prior discussion. Were they in the wrong for prioritizing their sense of safety, or should their mom have handled things differently? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for getting my mom’s friend kicked out?’

Last night my mom, who I live with, invited her new friend over for dinner. She has been hanging out with him for only a month now and he has told her that he is living in his car. I have met him twice before but am not comfortable around him and do not know him well yet. He works hard at his job and has come over once to help shovel snow from our driveway.

Last night after dinner I had gone to bed only to get a text from my mom that her friend was spending the night on the couch. I have severe anxiety and immediately started thinking of everything that could go wrong with having essentially a stranger be in my home while I sleep. I replied to my mom that I wish she had discussed this earlier with me because I am extremely uncomfortable with the situation.

She texted back that it would be fine and I responded that I did not feel comfortable being vulnerable like that and did not feel safe having someone I barely know be in our home while we are asleep. A few minutes later I heard the front door close and she texted that she asked him to leave.

I have felt physically ill whenever I think about the fact that I am the reason he was asked to leave and had to go back to sleeping in his car but I know I would have been up the entire night having panic attacks if he had stayed the night. My mom apologized to me, which makes me feel even worse and when I tried to talk about it with her today she told me that she has nothing to say about it but I can tell she’s angry or upset with me.

But I feel that this all would have been avoided if we had discussed this before she had invited him over in the first place. AITA?

I need to add this part in, I do pay rent, the rent I pay is what helps us be able to stay in the house. Without it neither of us could stay here. So yes, on paper it is her house but in reality we are both paying for it. And there are no locks on the bedroom doors in our home, it is an old house.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

comrade36 −  NTA but it’s worth apologizing still. If she apologized she recognizes that she made you uncomfortable. In turn I think you recognize that your fear could be misconstrued as hostility towards her friend and by proxy her. If someone’s important to her you should make an effort to get to know them, so just clarify it’s that you don’t know him well enough /yet/, not that you find a fault in him or disapprove of him or something.

BlueIrishWolf −  I think you were in the right and that you need to talk to her about why she would want a guy she barely knows sleeping in the same house as her daughter. With all the crap going down these days you can’t be too careful. Now if she had known him longer and you knew him that’s different but neither of you know him too well. How did she meet him? Why is he living in his car if he has a good job? Makes no sense.

Reasonable_Tenacity −  Your mom has known this guy for a month – *a month*! That’s nothing. You have *no* idea what this guy is all about. The fact that he has family and friends in the area that don’t house him is a huge red flag.

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA She should also want to get a better feel of who this guy is before inviting him to stay overnight. I have a lot of anxiety, and I would have a hard time relaxing and feeling safe if a stranger was under the same roof. She really should have at least run the idea past you, to see how you felt about it, before inviting him. He may be the nicest guy, and I hope it all works out well for all. But you weren’t wrong to feel a bit uncomfortable being tossed in that situation.

Savings_Ad3556 −  You don’t owe her an apology. If find it reckless that your mother bought a stranger into her home with her child. There has been more than one story where the mother did this and her child becoming a cold case. She should be apologizing over and over to you.

deadmencantcatcall3 −  Absolutely NTA. Your mom was wrong to think this would be okay. She’s known him a month? At least she listened to you and booted him. She has no right to be mad. Hold your boundaries firmly.

atchisonmetal −  NTA, your intuitions are good, and hers were not, at least on this subject. She should have asked you first. She kinda put the household in jeopardy inviting this potentially sketchy guy into the house while everybody’s asleep.. How old is your mom?

BeeDry2896 −  Genuine questions- Why is your Mum befriending a homeless man?. This seems odd & dangerous to me. How has your Mum even come across a homeless person?. He has a job but is homeless? Where I live it is very difficult to get a job if homeless because you need a fixed address for ID purposes. Why would she invite him to sleep on the couch in your home – again, seems dangerous & a slippery slope to him (a stranger) moving in. What do your extended family have had to say about this.

ApprehensiveBook4214 −  NTA.  However it sounds like you and she need to have a conversation on what conditions need to be met for someone to stay over.  How long do you need to know them?  How many times does the other person need to meet them?  How much notice needs to be given?  What’s the plan if you still need them to leave to avoid a panic attack?  Does your mom have anything similar that might be triggered by someone staying?  

Nekomidori −  NTA! Just reading that from the comfort of my own home almost gave me a panic attack. Your mom really should have known better.